Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

First of all Happy 4th of July to every one on here!! My day went from good to totally taking a nosedive. Some of you may have read my post over the weekend about my boyfriend going to a wedding solo and just remembering about it, to him not coming out with me to celebrate my best friends Birthday. Okay...so we talked I told him how I felt and I thought things were fine. This whole week I didn't see him because of his work schedule but he'd call and things were okay.....but come Sunday, Monday, yesterday I really didn't hear from him, which was odd. So I texted him last night to see what was up and he told me he was working. I thought he had off so I texted back that I missed him and was looking forward to seeing him. I asked when I was going to see him. Never heard back from him until almost 11 at night when he texted me to see if I were awake. He called me around 11:30....things were fine....he told me he wanted me at his family's 4th of July party. I was all excited. Now I figured every thing was fine......Okay so flash forward to today to him picking me up. He walked in, hugged me, didn't seem to into the kiss and I told him I had missed him. He said he missed me too. Then proceeds to ask if any one was home and that we needed to talk. I knew what was coming....so I said "You are breaking up with me...I know it!!" So he said, "No, it's not exactly like that". So basically the gyst of our hour long conversation was him wanting to take a step back. He feels like he rushed into being my boyfriend too fast and right now he can't give me what I may need. He feels like I need to see him more than he can and he feels it's not fair to me. I assumed there was another girl in the picture and he said "No, that I don't have time for you, nor do I have time for any one else". So he said how we just need to slow the pace and if someone else comes along, I should date them but we should be honest about that, especially if each of us is going to start to get intimate with someone else. So he leaves the ball in my court. He doesn't want to break up with me (so he says) and wants to see each other as we have, but not just be so pressured into having to...like if he can't make it to a function, he don't want me to get upset. I also said I don't want to be his lil sex slave who is going to only be that kind of girl. He said he don't want that either....He also doesn't want me to fall in love with him and we both be on different pages....he wants to slow things down and be on the same page with each other. So now I'm at a complete loss and don't know what to do. I spent the day with my girlfriends and they told me that the decision is ultimately mine and in my heart I need to make a decision. I know I like him, and that's what sucks....I have feelings for him and want to make this work. He said that he wouldn't be happy if we totally broke it off, that he is willing to try as long as I am to just slow things down a bit. What do you guys think about this? What would you do? I feel like I want to still be with him, slow things down and see what happens....but I don't know if it's a smart idea. The feelings I have for him are only going to grow, not go away so if he is never going to have feelings for me, am I wasting my time? I need help!! Sucky 4th of July huh?

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

Honestly...as harsh as it sounds, it sounds like he's "Just not that into you".

I'd end it before it drags out any longer.

JMHO

Message edited 7/4/2007 8:48:52 PM.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

I replied on the other thread.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

I would end the relationship now. If you are not on the same page now, when WILL you be? When HE wants to be? Casual dating relationships only work if both people agree to it and want that, and it doesn't sound like you do.

Good luck!

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

My opinion, which you may not like, is to cut things off now. If he doesn't want to commit, when does he? How long are you going to wait?

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

Posted by Scotty-CassidysMom

Honestly...as harsh as it sounds, it sounds like he's "Just not that into you".

I'd end it before it drags out any longer.

JMHO

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

its his loss. try to hang in there

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

THank you guys so much for all of your support and advice. This is so hard. I've been through a broken engagement on LIW and now this after things were starting to look so happy for me. I can't tell you how happy I was with this guy....I really was falling for him so this is so hard for me. He knows about my ex (and this was a long time ago...took a huge leap before dating again). Things were going so well between us, dont' know how I didn't see this coming. It's like his feelings changed like that....I'm so confused. Just don't understand why he didn't break it off totally.....he even said he don't want me to break it off...that he is willing to work at it....so that totally confuses me more...leads me to think that he likes me but maybe not enough...I don't know....I'm just a huge ball of mixed emotions...

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

if you love something set it free...

sorry for the cliche, but I believe in it.

I know exactly how you feel.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

As hard as it is, I think you should end it now - I know how much it hurts, but I'm scared for you that the hurt will only get worse as times goes on. He wants to have his cake and eat it too - he wants the relationship on HIS terms - he wants to see you when he wants to see you but if it's too much or he doesn't want to go to something with you, then you need to understand and not be hurt - give me a break - like that's fair!
If he really does want to be with you, he'll realize that and miss you when you're no longer around for him - but I don't think it's fair to you to have a relationship this way

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

First, I am so sorry you are going through this.

Second, I don't want to say it, but, maybe its time to call it quits.
I don't want to say you can do better, because you do really like him, but, you can probably move on and be with someone who wants to be with you all the time.

Good Luck. I know you'll make the right decision.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

I would totally end the relationship now. Why set yourself up for heartbreak down the road. He's been with you for five months and wants to back off...bad sign.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

I would break it off with him, as hard as that may sound if it's going to be a 'Relationship' where you have more feelings for him than he does for you i would just be straight out honest with him and say that you need to go your seperate way's. But you need to do what is best for'you' and know in your 'heart' what you think is the Best thing to do.If you are willing to stick it for a while and see what happen's than I wish you good luck but if you are not happy like i said before maybe it's time to move on and meet someone who want's a more serious relationship, you are a beautiful woman and you will find that right person who is meant for you. i am here for you.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

Many of the PP's are correct, you should end it now

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

I HATE MEN!!!! Hes done, dont even waste your time. Onto the next!

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

Posted by mommy2bella

Many of the PP's are correct, you should end it now

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

if you don't mind me asking...how old are the both of you?

The reason I ask is because sometimes a person is just not ready for the next step and may need a slow down

on the flip side of things...most relationships that I know of that took a step backwards...never recovered.

I only know of one recovery...the couple had took a cooling off period while in College...they started dated senior year in HS. They got married 9 yrs after their 1st date, and will be celebrating their 5th wedding anniversary this Oct.....but they are the only couple I have ever known to work things out and move forward after a step backwards in the relationship.

it can work for some...but history tells me that is very rare.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

I would break it off and not even give him the courtesy conversation to say you are breaking it off. I wouldnt call him back at all. It seems like he wants to play the good guy by saying "its in your court". If you stay, he would have the best of both worlds.

Sorry, I know it is heartbreaking but you deserve someone who wants to spend their entire time with you.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I just wanted to share a similar experience I had. My college boyfriend (of several years no less) said almost the same stuff to me- "I don't want to break up with you, but I want to take a step back and see other people. I still want to see you though..." kind of a thing. I was so devestated. I did what I thought my (and your) only choice was: Break it off entirely!

Bottom line is, if you want the serious relationship that you deserve, don't settle for this BS or waste any more of your time. I do understand how difficult that is to actually do. On a positive note, I met my now DH two days after I told the other guy to shove off.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

I know this is tough but I agree with everyone else. I would end it.

I think the reason he didn't break up completely was because he wants a back-up. I don't believe he isn't seeing someone else or at least planning on seeing someone else.

I agree with Stacey - that he's not that into you. I know you are but really he's doing you both a favor by telling you now.

You are fabulous. Don't ever forget it. Don't settle for someone who doesn't think you are anything less than terrific. You deserve someone who will make time for you & shows you how truly spectacular you are. Those guys are out there & you will find them if you're looking.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

Kick his lame azz to the curb! YOU SO DON'T NEED THAT SHITE! I'm sorry

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

so sorry youre going thru this Marissa.

i'm gonna have to agree with the other posters and suggest that you move on from the relationship sooner rather than later. honestly, he's probably playing the "im a guy and i'm scared" card. once you let him go and not let it bug you, he'll start to realize what a great thing he had and then HE will be the one pursuing you!

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

I think everyone already gave you excellent, sound advice..

We cannot tell you what you should do, of course... but at the same time, I think the fact that we aren't emotionally involved in this situation can help us all see this clearer than you can (if that makes sense )

The thing that stands out most is that he said "I don't want you to fall in love with me" .. .. uhh, that just makes me sick. IMO, this implies that he has no intention of this EVER being serious and/or has no intention of him EVER being in a relationship - with YOU. And all the time/space/breaks in the world isn't going to change the fact that he just doesn't seem to share the same feelings towards you as you do towards him. As someone else said, all it soundslike is that he wants his cake and to eat it too.. and he'll get it, if you make it that easy for him.

I've been in your shoes many times in my past, and it hurts so much to have something that you thought was going good just go wrong.. but honestly, you just do NOT deserve this, you deserve better and you deserve someone who truly wants to be with YOU and share the same type of relationship that you want to be in. I'm a firm believer that if someone cares and WANTS to be with someone, they FIND the time...

I KNOW your Mr. Right is out there... have faith

Message edited 7/4/2007 11:09:54 PM.

Re: Repost from Relationship board...I need help...welcome to my sucky 4th of July

trust me - everyone here is right - end it now

speaking from a male POV - he's not into you

when we're really into someone, we make the time to see them, no matter what

the work thing is just a cover up