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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Returning to work..I needed to vent
From the time I found out I was pregnant, I told DH I was going to want to stay home for 3 months with the baby. At that time I was working for a hospital in which I would have been given FMLA. However, once I found out I was pregnant (November), I was offered another job for a big corporate company and accepted it. I knew going in that I would not be entitled to FMLA, only STD and personal leave that would not be paid. DH was fine with that and said "we'll manage".
Now the baby is here, and I have just been informed that I will only receive my STD until the end of September, and my full pay from my job until September 14th, which means I will lose 4 paychecks until I return to work in November. I mentioned this to DH and he looked at me and said "that means I'm gonna HAVE to work A LOT of OT now".
Ok..this was NOT something I just sprung on him, he knew this is what I was planning, but NOW I feel like I'm gonna have to go back to work as soon as my STD ends. Unfortunately I can't go until October, because that is when my mother is coming. She will be taking care of the baby. Honestly I am really peed off that now I feel pressured to go back to work WAY before I planned. For that I should just go back at 6 weeks and make him change his damn schedule at work so that he can stay home with her while I go to work. He works nights and I work days...and I can't sit here waiting for him to get home before I go to work. He gets out at 8 and I have to be at work at 9!
I tell you..sometimes I just don't understand. I'm sure if I sat down and talked to him about it..he would say "I didn't mean it like that", but how the hell am I supposed to take that??? I know it's not going to be easy...but this was something I planned from the BEGINNING!! Right now I'm just WAY too emotional to even sit down and talk about it without crying.
Vent over!
Message edited 8/17/2007 1:39:05 PM.
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Posted 8/17/07 1:37 PM  |
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nrthshgrl
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Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Returning to work..I needed to vent
Yes he does have to work more OT.
If you know he didn't mean it like that, then don't be upset and don't feel like you should go back earlier. This is the time for your body to HEAL. Time to bond with your baby & to get to know each other's routines.
If he's ok with working OT, then have him do it. I can assure you that his job will be easier than your for the rest of your 3 months.
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| Posted 8/17/07 1:43 PM |
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LIMOMx2
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Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
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Re: Returning to work..I needed to vent
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I don't think it is fair to your DH to make him work extra because you don't want to go back so soon.
I know it is hard but I think that is putting too much pressure on your DH as well.
JMO.
Message edited 8/17/2007 1:45:42 PM.
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| Posted 8/17/07 1:45 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Re: Returning to work..I needed to vent
Posted by nrthshgrl
Yes he does have to work more OT.
If you know he didn't mean it like that, then don't be upset and don't feel like you should go back earlier. This is the time for your body to HEAL. Time to bond with your baby & to get to know each other's routines.
If he's ok with working OT, then have him do it. I can assure you that his job will be easier than your for the rest of your 3 months.
My thing is he knew that when I had my son (19 years old) they didn't have FMLA and I had to go back to work at 6 weeks and it was HORRIBLE!!! I know I missed out on a lot with him, and I didn't want the same for our daughter. I want to have time to bond with her and don't want to feel pressured because he may have to work OT!!
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| Posted 8/17/07 1:46 PM |
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LIMOMx2
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Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
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Re: Returning to work..I needed to vent
Maybe he feels that even if you have more time you still won't want to go back and it will be even harder. I know that was a fear with my DH.
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| Posted 8/17/07 1:48 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Re: Returning to work..I needed to vent
Posted by 5ofClubs
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I don't think it is fair to your DH to make him work extra because you don't want to go back so soon.
I know it is hard but I think that is putting too much pressure on your DH as well.
JMO.
He makes GREAT money..and doesn't HAVE to work OT..it's his choice to do so. He's also a cop and the OT he gets is for 3 hours at most.
I could see if I sprung this on him yesterday, but it's been something he's known I've wanted and he agreed to 9 months ago!
I don't think it's fair for him to tell me 2 weeks after our daughter is born that he will have to work OT, because while he is working I will be the one taking care of her at night and getting myself ready to go to work in the morning. He'll be sleeping all day while she's at the babysitter, and when I get home from work, I will be watching her and then he's off to work again.
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| Posted 8/17/07 1:49 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Re: Returning to work..I needed to vent
Posted by 5ofClubs
Maybe he feels that even if you have more time you still won't want to go back and it will be even harder. I know that was a fear with my DH.
Defenitely not the case. I do plan to go back to work, but didn't want to be pressured to go back sooner than I planned. I have to work, there are no ifs ands or butts about it. I may have to work from home a couple of days...but either way unless I win the lotto, I'll be back at work.
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| Posted 8/17/07 1:50 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
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Re: Returning to work..I needed to vent
Posted by 5ofClubs
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I don't think it is fair to your DH to make him work extra because you don't want to go back so soon.
I know it is hard but I think that is putting too much pressure on your DH as well.
JMO.
I agree with this. The only reason I can continue to stay home is b/c I am getting unemployment, or I would have been back to work in June. You kind of don't want him to resent you so that you can stay home.
Also, is your job ok with this? Since you don't have FMLA (and you wouldn't get paid with FMLA, they just keep your job) are they going to keep your job until November?
Good luck.
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| Posted 8/17/07 1:52 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Re: Returning to work..I needed to vent
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by 5ofClubs
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I don't think it is fair to your DH to make him work extra because you don't want to go back so soon.
I know it is hard but I think that is putting too much pressure on your DH as well.
JMO.
I agree with this. The only reason I can continue to stay home is b/c I am getting unemployment, or I would have been back to work in June. You kind of don't want him to resent you so that you can stay home.
Also, is your job ok with this? Since you don't have FMLA (and you wouldn't get paid with FMLA, they just keep your job) are they going to keep your job until November?
Good luck.
Yep..my job is ok with it and my job is being held. I was even offered the opportunity to take more time if needed, which I won't be.
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| Posted 8/17/07 1:57 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
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Re: Returning to work..I needed to vent
Posted by mitabtrfly
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by 5ofClubs
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I don't think it is fair to your DH to make him work extra because you don't want to go back so soon.
I know it is hard but I think that is putting too much pressure on your DH as well.
JMO.
I agree with this. The only reason I can continue to stay home is b/c I am getting unemployment, or I would have been back to work in June. You kind of don't want him to resent you so that you can stay home.
Also, is your job ok with this? Since you don't have FMLA (and you wouldn't get paid with FMLA, they just keep your job) are they going to keep your job until November?
Good luck.
Yep..my job is ok with it and my job is being held. I was even offered the opportunity to take more time if needed, which I won't be.
Well, then that is good!! You are very lucky that they are working with you on that!
My DH has a job where OT is available all of the time as well, and he takes it too, but remember it is hard on them too. My DH works nights too and to have to work a shift after or before an overnight is hard work, then to try to come home to a newborn on top of it makes life hard for everyone, that is what I mean about him resenting you.
Good luck
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| Posted 8/17/07 2:34 PM |
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