SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Maybe I am opening up a can of worms but whenever someone posts a question either way "someone" gets offended.

I have been both. With DS#1 I had to go back to work and worked till the end while pregnant with #2. I resigned after #2 was born because I wasn't maing enough for daycare.

I know both sides of it and have been critisized to my face about both decisions. When I worked it was "oh your son is in daycare? how much does that cost? there's no way you can stay home? Don't you want to be home with your children?"

Now that I am home it's that SAHM's do nothing all day just gab on the phone and twirl our hair.

I would like to say that from both worlds - they both have challenges and people have different beliefs, opions, experiences, financial situations, etc. We all make of decisions for different reasons.

For me, in both cases, as long as my children were healthy, happy and loved - who cares.

This is a board so people can post their opinions and we should be able to do this. If someone sees a post that pertains to SAHMs or Working Mom and you open it then respect what other women feel.

I just don't like to see everyone get attacked over how they feel when I really don't think that others are trying to offend anyone.

I think there is one thing that we mothers (and fathers) on this board can all agree on. We want what is best for our children and we hope to raise happy and healthy kids.

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

One of my main problems with this debate on LIF is that it usually begins (as it did today) with a poster looking for opinions or advice on her particular situation, and the thread gets totally hijacked with the SAHM vs. working mom debate.

I was home for 11 months with my son and then went back to work. There are days where I wish I was still home with him and there are days I am glad to be at work. Since he has been born, I have never spent much time worrying about what other people think of my decision to stay home or work, or how I dress him, feed him, care for him, etc. He is happy and healthy and all I care about is the best decision for our family. That decision is made by me and my DH. No one else lives my life, no one else knows every factor that goes into my decisions, so I don't waste my energy on what other people think. I appreciate the advice I get from BTDT moms when I ask for it, but the unsolicited stuff - I let it go.

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

There is no "vs." one another. It's not a competition.

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

I hate when people get defensive over it.

Its a FACT that a SAHM takes care of her child all day long...not "raises" her child all day..."takes care of". There is a BIG difference.

SAHM's have it really rough, its so overhwhelming. YET...Working moms have to juggle two full time careers IMO and have it just as bad.

Some People who Work IMO are BETTER parents for not having to spend 24/7 at home, and some SAHM's are so amazing with the patience and devotion required.

NO clue why some cannot see both sides and hate the criticism of either.

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Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

I think it becomes a hot topic b/c women on both sides feel a bit of guilt because of their decision...maybe guilt is not the right word, but maybe defensive b/c everyone is quick to judge - it is rough for mothers out there today. I think on a topic such as this, women are ready to attack b/c the topic is so emotional - it usually involves people making judgments on whether someone is a good mother or not - for a mother, SAHM or working FT mother, nothing could stir up more emotions than that. While every mother has doubts on whether what they are doing is correct, it is one thing for that mother to have doubts and another for a total stranger to ignite or stir up those doubts.

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Posted by Ang-Rich

Posted by mrsej

I think it becomes a hot topic b/c women on both sides feel a bit of guilt because of their decision...maybe guilt is not the right word, but maybe defensive b/c everyone is quick to judge - it is rough for mothers out there today. I think on a topic such as this, women are ready to attack b/c the topic is so emotional - it usually involves people making judgments on whether someone is a good mother or not - for a mother, SAHM or working FT mother, nothing could stir up more emotions than that. While every mother has doubts on whether what they are doing is correct, it is one thing for that mother to have doubts and another for a total stranger to ignite or stir up those doubts.

I agree with everything everyone wrote on this but more specifically this statement.

SAHMs get grief...and there is guilt...Working Moms get grief and there is guilt. I know for myself that my defenses are always up because of past siutations and comments...but I also know it's not fair so I restrain from comments unless absolutely provoked and fortunately those are becoming far and few between.

We all do the best that we can and we all agree that we don't know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes...regardless if you are both working moms or SAHMs...we all know we can't compare or fully understand one situation from the next. We're all very different and we all take different things from our own personal situations.



I have yet to meet a child on this site at the numerous GTGs that we have attended that I didn't adore...clearly we are ALL doing something right.

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Unfortunately, offense gets taken when there are insinuations made about a SAHM and WOHM. Last week, a lot of the SAHMs were up in arms because someone was thought to insinuate that being a SAHM was easy. This week, I was offended because of an insinuation about working moms.

I think being a mom is hard regardless of whether you are working outside the home in addition to raising children or not. It's stressful on both ends. I think as long as there are comparisons made, there are going to be hurt feelings whether or not hurt feelings were meant.

Let's be honest...being a mom is hard yet completely rewarding. We are all doing our best but are criticized at every turn by someone regardless of the decisions we make. It would be nice to be able to find a group of moms that sympathize with our plight regardless of being a SAHM or WOHM. For the most part, this board was one such place. Recently though, I am just . I hope it goes back to being a place to find support from other moms.

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Posted by Ang-Rich

Posted by mrsej

I think it becomes a hot topic b/c women on both sides feel a bit of guilt because of their decision...maybe guilt is not the right word, but maybe defensive b/c everyone is quick to judge - it is rough for mothers out there today. I think on a topic such as this, women are ready to attack b/c the topic is so emotional - it usually involves people making judgments on whether someone is a good mother or not - for a mother, SAHM or working FT mother, nothing could stir up more emotions than that. While every mother has doubts on whether what they are doing is correct, it is one thing for that mother to have doubts and another for a total stranger to ignite or stir up those doubts.

I agree with everything everyone wrote on this but more specifically this statement.

SAHMs get grief...and there is guilt...Working Moms get grief and there is guilt. I know for myself that my defenses are always up because of past siutations and comments...but I also know it's not fair so I restrain from comments unless absolutely provoked and fortunately those are becoming far and few between.

We all do the best that we can and we all agree that we don't know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes...regardless if you are both working moms or SAHMs...we all know we can't compare or fully understand one situation from the next. We're all very different and we all take different things from our own personal situations.



I have yet to meet a child on this site at the numerous GTGs that we have attended that I didn't adore...clearly we are ALL doing something right.

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom

Re: SAHM vs Working FT Mom