Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

You do alot more than me. I have one child, pets and I am having a hard time getting much done at all. I cook for my DD, and by the time the evening comes I am so exhausted I haven't even been cooking for DH and I. I try to get laundry done, other things done but it's just very hard with a little one. Men do not realize what it takes to be a SAHM at all. I understand.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Posted by Diana1215

I'm sorry, but what you are asking him to do (bathe your child) is NOT considered a household chore. It is considered him being a father.

My idea - leave him alone with the two kids for one WHOLE day. See how much he gets done.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Posted by Diana1215

I'm sorry, but what you are asking him to do (bathe your child) is NOT considered a household chore. It is considered him being a father.

My idea - leave him alone with the two kids for one WHOLE day. See how much he gets done.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Easy remedy! Take a weekend off... far far away! The fairy tale of SAHM will end very soon for him.

DH takes care of DS every weekends because that's when I work. When I come home, I hear about how much our ONE child had kicked his butt that day. DH does not take SAHM for granted because he KNOWS first hand what it is to take care of a baby now toddler.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

I think it's totally fair of you to ask him to do these things when he comes home. Frankly, I would sometimes prefer if DH finished dinner, ran to the drugstore, whatever the thing is that has to be done, but I leave the bedtime prep for him because this is the one piece of time he gets to spend with DS M-F, and he doesn't mind at all. And DS loves spending the time with his Daddy, it's too short frankly, so I feel he should focus on his son when he gets home.

As a SAHM, I do the bulk of the housework, shopping and errands--he gets home around 8 which is really too late to do much after he puts DS to bed and eats dinner. But he pays some bills, takes care of our car, computer, miinor repairs, downloads photos, etc. But I can't say he expects me to do it all or complains when things linger.

I say take off on your own one Sat. or Sun. when he is home and let him watch both children all day and try to clean, etc. with them. He will appreciate what your days are like a bit more.

Message edited 2/4/2010 3:23:45 PM.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Maybe explain it to him this way:

You both work 9-5 full time jobs. His is at the office or wherever he works, yours is at home. So from 9-5, you do what you can, and sounds like you've got most of it covered. Grocery shopping, cleaning, dog care, etc.

Then when the clock strkes 5 and he comes home, no one is officially off duty, but you are both on parent duty. Why should your job be 24/7 with the kids and the household and he gets a 40 hour work week outside of the home.

So come evening, everything parenting realted should be split 50/50 give or take.

That is how we roll in my house. Not to start a huge "which is harder" debate, but its no arguement in my house that being a SAHM (I actually own my own retail bix and work nigts and weekends), is much harder than sitting at a desk and being a Financial Manager everyday. Yes, his job is challenging and we rely completely on him to financially support our family, but I'm pretty confidnent to say that his level of sanity is much better than mine after spending the day with a 3 and 5 year old, while being preggo with #3.

So just tell him, sure, from 9-5 you will be housewife, etc, but come evening, you both need to accept a 50/50 apporach to parenting. It is completely unacceptable for you to be on duty 24/7 with him being off duty when he comes home from work.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

He's out of line.
DH almost always puts DS to bed and I put DD to bed because she asks for me. Depending on if I'm home or at the gym or out with friends DH will do the bath if it's bath night. If I'm home I'll do it.
He takes out the trash and recycling.
Will empty the dishwasher if I haven't.
Puts away his own laundry most of the time.
Changes the sheets on our bed.
I'm sorry but being a SAHM is a job. It's not out of the house but it's a lot of work. You're home to take care of the kids, not make DH's life easier.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

He was out of line with his coments and how he approached it. I would definitely sit down and have a talk with him and see if you can get him to understand how unreasonable he is being. However, I am a firm believer in they do not really get it until they live it. I would find a reason to go somewhere for a weekend and leave him all the household chores and both kids. Make sure you do nothing to make this an easy experience for him. Do not prepare their food, lay out their clothes bathe them ect. Leave a short list of when and what they usually eat, nap and so on. That should set him straight.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Posted by Goobster

Posted by Bops

I don't agree with your DH, sorry...

That would mean that a SAHM's "job" is a 24 hour shift and that a work away from home dad , works his 8 hour day (or whatever his shift is) and he's "done" ...No way !

Besides the fact that I think that the time they do get to see their DC's should be some what of bonding time
( The Cats in the Cradle song always comes to mind )...Of-course, everyone needs tome to unwind ( but that also mean you !)

That's how it feels to me. I never feel like a i get break. Wow, I didnt think I would be this exhausted being a SAHM. I truly feel like I never ever get a break! It is a 24 hr job for sure. Even when I sleep I feel my time is not mine, always peeking at my monitor, etc.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Thanks for the opinions -

For those who have suggested I take a day 'off' --- he had this last week when I was sick with the flu but he had grandmothers here to help -- both our moms took time off to come help him with the kids. Dinner wasn't made any of those nights and the pile of laundry I found when I was feeling better was HUGE. One of those afternoons he came to me when I was sleeping and said, "Wow - that's a really hard job with two of them." Yes, but that was WITH a grandma and no responsibilities of cleaning, cooking --- this is why I am SO upset about the comments from last night. He should have gained some perspective last week when I was so sick -- what would he do if I broke a foot or couldn't lift one of them?

I'm hoping this weekend goes well and he sees it differently from how he does now. I'm getting really tired of the 'woe is me' crap.

Again, thanks for the opinions.

Re: SAHMs -- household 'chore' question

Heh. I honestly thought when I became a SAHM that I'd have NO problem getting everything done--laundry, bottles, cleaning, etc. BOY WAS I WRONG.

DH has been GREAT about stepping up and helping me with EVERYTHING--we folded laundry together last night, he puts DD to bed every night...I am truly blessed.

I don't think the household chores should belong to one person...I think SAHMs work equally as hard as they'd work at a regular job, and I think unless your DH is pulling 12-hour shifts every day, he should be sharing the load!