SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

I am really struggling about this decision to SAH or not. I understand all the benefits. I have been wanting to SAH for almost 2 yrs. I had no choice but to work because I was the breadwinner. Now that DH can support us financially, I will be able to stay home.

SAHMs, would you mind sharing some of the negatives of staying home?

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Really the only ones I can think of are:

1) a bit of monotony, but that's easily handled by joining classes and making sure to get out as much as possible, particularly in the winter.

2) the de facto assumption that once you're SAH, you're responsible for EVERY.FREAKING.THING. that needs doing in your household. 7 years together before DS, DH's one "house" chore was to take out the garbage. We have a baby, I stay home, and um, gets who needs an engraved invitation to take the trash out? Drives me BONKERS

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

my kids drive me nuts winter is very boring, I'm itching for warmer weather. hmmm that's all I can think of right now but it's probably bc the kids are asleep

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

i find that I have too much time to think and am worrying and obsessing over EVERYTHING..
but i do love being home with my babies

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

honestly I can't think of one negative thing about being a SAHM, but that's just me.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

The positives far outweigh the negatives.

It goes so quickly, they grow up so fast.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Posted by colette


2) the de facto assumption that once you're SAH, you're responsible for EVERY.FREAKING.THING. that needs doing in your household. 7 years together before DS, DH's one "house" chore was to take out the garbage. We have a baby, I stay home, and um, gets who needs an engraved invitation to take the trash out? Drives me BONKERS

Message edited 2/10/2011 9:31:37 PM.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

I really dont have any negatives but I should add if I need to do something one day my mom can watch DS. If you have no help ever , it could get frustrating at times. I do need to go to dr's hair appt stuff like that on my own...

I do dishes and me and DS laundry. DH does his own because he is super picky. He also does the garbage and outdoor stuff except I mow the lawn.

If you can do it, do it, theres nothing better IMO!!!

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Honestly I dont have any negatives at all being a SAHM.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Posted by KerriSteve

The positives far outweigh the negatives.

It goes so quickly, they grow up so fast.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

There are some days where bedtime just can't come soon enough, because I am drained both physically and mentally. Though, when I was working 5pm couldn't come fast enough either

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

The positives do far outweigh the negatives by far. I love being home. But the big negative for me...

Not having something thats all my own. In a way by staying home I do feel like I have lost a piece of myself. I loved working. Loved my job etc.

Now I feel like I am DH's wife, DS's mom, but there are not accomplishments that are just my own. When you work, you are YOU and you have your own accomplishments and goals etc. Your marriage, your children and more like a side note to your colleagues. Now in many ways it is who I am.

I do miss having something to talk about that isnt just what DS did/said today, or what is going on with some of the moms in my playgroups etc.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

imo depends on your personality, for me life is perfect as sahm, wouldn't have it any other way

But I know some moms need a lot more adult interaction, they need to feel their worth in career, etc they need to feel financially independent, they don't deal well with the criticsm that its shameful for sahm to hire cleaning help

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

I was an SAHM on and off for 2 years and can say I prefer working.... I feel as a SAHM mom:

- I'm sacrificing my career
- I'm expected to do all the housework
- get little respect and appreciation
- am bored easily w/ lack of social interaction

And last but not least, I feel I have to 'grin and bear' if DH is abit unfair or even mean to me 'cus I need him financially. But that's just me...

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Posted by sunflowerjesss

Posted by colette


2) the de facto assumption that once you're SAH, you're responsible for EVERY.FREAKING.THING. that needs doing in your household. 7 years together before DS, DH's one "house" chore was to take out the garbage. We have a baby, I stay home, and um, gets who needs an engraved invitation to take the trash out? Drives me BONKERS

Couldn't agree more. DH hasn't folded laundry, loaded/unloaded dishwasher, or cleaned up from a meal in 2.5 years.

I'm not saying I expect him to do it daily as I do, but once in a while it would be nice to give me a break from it.

But of course I love being home with DS and suck up the housework that has come along with it.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Nothing at all. I feel really lucky that we can comfortably afford it and that DH is so appreciative of everything that I do at home.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

no money, no freetime

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Posted by KerriSteve

The positives far outweigh the negatives.

It goes so quickly, they grow up so fast.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

I love being a SAHM, but there is one thing, in our house that is frustrating. NO DAYS OFF!!! Even when the responsibility is not supposed to be mine, I'm still thinking about and planning what my boys should be eating, drinking, doing, peeing, pooping, etc. I don't know if this is because I SAH or just because I am a control freak mom in general.
Honestly, you can have 100 negatives from 100 different people and if they don't have the same personality as you, those negatives can be 100 positives. Even on a day to day basis, those things might be good one day and bad the next.
Good luck with your decision!

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

The only negative thing that has effected us...was the paycuts that my DH has taken over the years that we never accounted for

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

Message edited 2/11/2011 8:10:37 AM.

Re: SAHMs, can you share some of the negatives about SAH?

I love being a SAHM but here are some things that are frustrating:

No free time (unless you can hire a mother's helper, or have someone to help with the kids when you have a errand to run) -- Ex; I haven't gotten my haircut in ages. It's just not something I can do when toting around two little boys. Doctors appointments are also really hard to schedule. Things like that. We have limited family to help with things like that, and I don't want to bother friends.

Every day feels like I'm on the go. It's like I have X amount of time before one needs to eat. One needs to nap. Minutes before I avoid a meltdown. Ex: Yesterday I took the boys to the mall for a haircut and some shoes. We also went to BRU. By the time we were done it was 12:30 (poor Tyler didn't even eat at that point) we still had to drop Jack off somewhere, and Tyler fell asleep in the car on the way home. I was petrified that he wouldn't nap because that 2 minute car ride nap would have been good enough. THANKFULLY he fell asleep.

Feeling like you do everything. I don't know if it's my husband, or all men, but I have to remember every little thing. When we are going out to a party he can walk out of the house with his phone and be fine. I have to remember sippy cups, change of clothes, diapers, wipes, snacks, toys, camera, phone, highchair cover. The list is endless, and exhausting. Honestly, my DH doesn't even remember his phone so I have to remind him of that. Maybe if someone is a working mother and the dad shares more of the day to day responsibilities they would be more prepared.

You don't get a minute alone. See my post yesterday. I don't even pee by myself anymore.

Their mood really determines how the day is going to go. If a 3 year old wakes up cranky, you know you're going to have a hell of a day. If he wakes up happy - that's a good sign.

So, those are some cons. But, there were also tons of cons when I worked fulltime. I could only imagine the rushing that working moms do everyday. The organizing that they do to keep their homes in order. I give them so much credit. Right now they are on the trains and in their cars driving to the office, and I'm sitting here - my son in a pack and play, the other one eating breakfast - and I have a nice hot cup of coffee. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Message edited 2/11/2011 8:11:27 AM.