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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
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Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Okay, here's the scenario. Anth and I are going on the cruise this Sunday, and the flight leaves very early that morning. I've been stressed out running around and getting things ready for the flight/trip, and we have this wedding hanging over our head on Saturday night.
My very distant cousin (4th?) is getting married Saturday night, reception starts at 8pm, and it's cutting it VERY close to leaving for our flight early the next morning. The reception is 45 minutes away, and by the time we get home that night it will be close to 2am. We have to be at the airport at 5:30am, and we live 40 minutes away.
I feel really guilty now. I'm not very close with the family, yet my brother is. They were friends way before we found out they were our cousins (when we were in HS), and my bro is actually the best man. I'm sure my brother will have kind words to say about this, but I think I did the right thing.
I mustered up the courage, and regretfully declined going to the reception, but now I feel bad. I just called her father (like my 3rd cousin?) and said we couldn't make it, and he sounded upset. When I sent the RSVP for this wedding, I originally thought it was on another weekend, otherwise I wouldn't have said we could go in the first place.
ANYWAY, I feel extremely guilty, yet miraculously, my stress level has dropped.
Did I just do something really bad by saying we can't go? I will send their gift out in the mail tomorrow (maybe I'll have to put more $$$ in there now!  )
Please be honest!!!
Message edited 3/28/2007 8:27:24 PM.
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Posted 3/28/07 8:24 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
I am sure they are disappointed especially being the wedding is a week away and they probably included you in their headcount, but I understand how it would be too busy and stressful for you. As long as you still send a gift to make up for your spots being they may have to pay for you, I guess it is ok.
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| Posted 3/28/07 8:30 PM |
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MrsPowers
So blessed!
Member since 11/06 10348 total posts
Name:
Ivelysse
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Honestly, I understand where you are coming from but they may have already paid the final balance in which case they won't get their money back for you not attending.
I would say try to give a little more for a gift. I totally understand not wanting to be out late the night before you leave though.
Hopefully they will understand.
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| Posted 3/28/07 8:32 PM |
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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by MrsPowers
Honestly, I understand where you are coming from but they may have already paid the final balance in which case they won't get their money back for you not attending.
I would say try to give a little more for a gift. I totally understand not wanting to be out late the night before you leave though.
Hopefully they will understand.
uuugh. I feel terrible. I will give them like 300.00 for their envelope.
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| Posted 3/28/07 8:34 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
I completely understand the time pressure. You want to make it work but it sometimes just can't. It would have been nicer if you called them sooner to let them know you were unable to attend. They probably had to submit the final headcount and paid for your places already.
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| Posted 3/28/07 8:34 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
I say as long as you give a generous gift- so what! It will cover the plate and then some so I am sure you did the right thing.
We have a couple not show at all- no phone call and NO GIFT- no that is tacky IMO.
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| Posted 3/28/07 8:52 PM |
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diva7531
My Peanut
Member since 2/07 5199 total posts
Name:
Ryan 3 boys EDD 11/6!
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by jellybean1420
I am sure they are disappointed especially being the wedding is a week away and they probably included you in their headcount, but I understand how it would be too busy and stressful for you. As long as you still send a gift to make up for your spots being they may have to pay for you, I guess it is ok.
Yup, things come up. As long as you send a gift it'll be fine.
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| Posted 3/28/07 9:00 PM |
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MrsPowers
So blessed!
Member since 11/06 10348 total posts
Name:
Ivelysse
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by nyteacher13
Posted by MrsPowers
Honestly, I understand where you are coming from but they may have already paid the final balance in which case they won't get their money back for you not attending.
I would say try to give a little more for a gift. I totally understand not wanting to be out late the night before you leave though.
Hopefully they will understand.
uuugh. I feel terrible. I will give them like 300.00 for their envelope.
I think that is good! They will understand. Don't worry!!!
Have fun on your cruise!!!
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| Posted 3/28/07 9:06 PM |
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Ladybugz
LIF Toddler
Member since 12/06 451 total posts
Name:
Laurie
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
I think you did the right thing. I think if they call the hall they may be able to take you off.
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| Posted 3/28/07 9:27 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by CkGm
I say as long as you give a generous gift- so what! It will cover the plate and then some so I am sure you did the right thing.
We have a couple not show at all- no phone call and NO GIFT- no that is tacky IMO.
I completely agree.
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| Posted 3/28/07 9:33 PM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Hmm, are you close family in that the whole table will be  talking about you having to sleep so you can go on a cruise in the morning (im being honest, you asked  I can just picture that in my family )
or do you never see them anyway and it doesnt phase you or them if youre there.
how does your brother feel about it?
as a bride, Id have been hurt if a close family member didnt come, and called the week of, so they can get sleep for a cruise (Again, being honest) regardless of how much you put in the envelope..
But if you never see them anyway, and you dont think this will affect family things going forward, then get to the cruise ship early and have a few drinks
  
I hope no offense was taken.
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| Posted 3/28/07 9:50 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
If you feel the need to do more, go to the wedding itself & skip the reception.
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| Posted 3/28/07 9:53 PM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
I don't see any reason why you couldn't go to the reception for a little while (if that's still possible) - I had two couples leave my reception on the earlier side because of very early flights the next morning but they still came.
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| Posted 3/28/07 9:56 PM |
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Jessica
I'm a mommy :)
Member since 1/06 7322 total posts
Name:
~Jess~
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by mrswask
I don't see any reason why you couldn't go to the reception for a little while (if that's still possible) - I had two couples leave my reception on the earlier side because of very early flights the next morning but they still came.
ditto
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| Posted 3/28/07 10:02 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by mrswask
I don't see any reason why you couldn't go to the reception for a little while (if that's still possible) - I had two couples leave my reception on the earlier side because of very early flights the next morning but they still came.
That's exactly what I was going to say. Don't stay until 1 a.m. - leave at 10 or so, be home and in bed by 11 and up at 5:30 - no harm, no foul!
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| Posted 3/28/07 10:09 PM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by nyteacher13
Did I just do something really bad by saying we can't go? I will send their gift out in the mail tomorrow (maybe I'll have to put more $$$ in there now! )
Please be honest!!!
not bad - but it is a little rude (you said be honest) - especially being so close to the actual wedding date, and the fact that you rsvp'd that you were going...
I would still go, but just leave early - with apologies of course
Message edited 3/28/2007 10:12:21 PM.
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| Posted 3/28/07 10:11 PM |
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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by anna
Hmm, are you close family in that the whole table will be talking about you having to sleep so you can go on a cruise in the morning (im being honest, you asked I can just picture that in my family )
or do you never see them anyway and it doesnt phase you or them if youre there.
how does your brother feel about it?
as a bride, Id have been hurt if a close family member didnt come, and called the week of, so they can get sleep for a cruise (Again, being honest) regardless of how much you put in the envelope..
But if you never see them anyway, and you dont think this will affect family things going forward, then get to the cruise ship early and have a few drinks
I hope no offense was taken.
No offense taken; I asked you to be honest. They are not close family. My brother was not asked because he was a close cousin - they have been friends since they were in 2nd grade. When my brother was a 10th grader (and I was a 12th grader), we found out their grandfather and our grandfather were first cousins. Both our grandfathers had passed away, and I guess the family lost touch since that.
But anyway, we're not close. We're not technically staying home to sleep per se; we have to pack and get the house ready to be gone for a week. I can't do this sooner because I have a hectic rest of the week before break (teacher), and I'm in the middle of preparing for my Annual Review meetings the week we get back.
I felt justified doing this, but still feel a little bad.
Thanks for your input!
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| Posted 3/28/07 11:00 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by jellybean1420
I am sure they are disappointed especially being the wedding is a week away and they probably included you in their headcount, but I understand how it would be too busy and stressful for you. As long as you still send a gift to make up for your spots being they may have to pay for you, I guess it is ok.
I agree.
Send a LONG and heartfelt apology note also. Something that's genuine and I think once they realize that you really are sorry that you couldn't come-- they will feel better.
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| Posted 3/28/07 11:03 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by mrswask
I don't see any reason why you couldn't go to the reception for a little while (if that's still possible) - I had two couples leave my reception on the earlier side because of very early flights the next morning but they still came.
I thought that at first too but now that she already said no-- what's done is done and I would just do what I wrote above from here on out.
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| Posted 3/28/07 11:05 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
I have to say- I had some people do that to me for my wedding and I was ******. There were other people I could have invited had they been more polite and declined at an earlier date. Plus, I was out a few hundred dollars because our final count was in.
I completely understand your reasoning, however, you had more than a week to decide this- perhaps when you realized you screwed up which weekend.
Sorry to be harsh- but what you did was rude, especially to a family member. You should have just gone to the reception for a little while at least. Whats done is done, and I know you truly feel bad about it- you should really "over-gift" on this one though.
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| Posted 3/29/07 7:53 AM |
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Kissy331
My two miracles!
Member since 5/06 17826 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by mrswask
I don't see any reason why you couldn't go to the reception for a little while (if that's still possible) - I had two couples leave my reception on the earlier side because of very early flights the next morning but they still came.
Rather then backing out completely, I would have done this. People understand there are other circumstances & I think showing your face for a little bit is better then telling them you are coming & then calling the week of & saying you have "something" better to do. Just being honest, but to me, that is being quite rude. If someone did that to me at my wedding (even if it was a distant family or friend), I would have been quite upset bc I paid for their dinner.
Agreed, what is done is done, there is no turning back.
Message edited 3/29/2007 8:01:25 AM.
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| Posted 3/29/07 7:59 AM |
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Alli06
Baby #3 coming this June
Member since 8/05 6721 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Posted by Porrruss
I have to say- I had some people do that to me for my wedding and I was ******. There were other people I could have invited had they been more polite and declined at an earlier date. Plus, I was out a few hundred dollars because our final count was in.
I completely understand your reasoning, however, you had more than a week to decide this- perhaps when you realized you screwed up which weekend.
Sorry to be harsh- but what you did was rude, especially to a family member. You should have just gone to the reception for a little while at least. What's done is done, and I know you truly feel bad about it- you should really "over-gift" on this one though.
I am sorry, I have to agree. It was very rude to cancel like this. I understand that things come up, but you are going on a vacation that you must of booked at least a few months ago. You should of checked your tickets before responding to the RSVP. I kind of feel bad for your brother, since people might question him to why you are not at the wedding. I would of went for at least 3 hours and left early. Sorry, just being honest.
A few people did this to me at my wedding and I had to pay about $800 extra for empty seats.
Message edited 3/29/2007 8:20:49 AM.
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| Posted 3/29/07 8:18 AM |
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AimeeE2006
Time flies!
Member since 1/06 5698 total posts
Name:
Aimee
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
They'll get over it. At least you called to let them know and just didn't show up the night of the wedding.
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| Posted 3/29/07 8:56 AM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
Honestly, if I were the bride, I would be very angry, hurt, and upset. If you say you are going to a wedding, barring a tragedy or something very serious, you should go. IMHO, you are in the wrong and should a very generous check and apology. You could have gone and left early. Sorry but you asked for honesty
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| Posted 3/29/07 9:03 AM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: Scenario... Did I do the "right" thing?
You were more than likely included in the headcount. While I was upset when I recieved a cancellation call a week before the wedding, it was no where near upsetting than when I had a couple call me at my REHEARSAL DINNER and tell me they couldn't come.
now that got me angry.
Things happen that you can't control. I would speak with the bride (or whomever of the 2 is your family) and if you could, give a lil bit more than you would normally.
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| Posted 3/29/07 9:07 AM |
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