Security doll

i wanted to post this on parenting but i was afraid i'd get mad when it got moved here..lol i digress

my sd has a yucky raggedy ann doll that has no hands, no face and barely a body left. she is 10 years old. she carries it everywhere with her and since her mother passed away i've noticed that she's kissing it all the time (like short pecks). she won't eat dinner without it on her lap, she won't sleep without it and she insists on bringing it in the car where ever we go. she calls it her best friend. now don't get me wrong. i had a blanky till i was about 6 but at 10 i'm wondering if she's a little to dependent on the doll. i know i need to consider the loss of her mother and i'm not downplaying that but when is enough enough with this thing? i asked her if she's spoken to her therapist about "ne ne" (that's what she calls it) and she said "no because she'll tell me i have to give her up and i'll never give her up because she's my best friend." should i be worried???

Re: Security doll

Hmmmmm... I don't have an "educated' answer on this, but this is what came to my mind....If, aside from the doll, your SD is acting relatively " normal" I have a feeling if you leave it alone, nature will take its course, and NeNe will slowly start to wean herself out of the picture ...Is it to the point where she takes it to school etc ??? Before long, friends and " boys " , will probably start to replace some of the voids that maybe she is feeling and probably the less attention you pay to her doll, the quicker she might give it up KWIM ? She's at the odd in between age, still clinging to childhood , yet starting to want to grow up.....Don't know if my answer is the right one, but its probably what I would try

Re: Security doll

I agree with Bops. As long as she is not acting "weird" and taking it to school, then I would leave it for a bit.

Re: Security doll

My stepdaughter carried a doll around until very recently, and she just turned 12. At 10, she dressed it, brought it everywhere, put a diaper on it (my son was just born). She didn't lose her mom, but I think the divorce was hard on her even though she was 4, and us getting married and pregnant right away may have made her need a security thing.

Does she live with you full time? I'm assuming she does. Here is what I suggest:

Set some rules for NeNe. Tell her you do not want to take her away, but she can't go everywhere. She can go in the car, but then she stays in the car - maybe you can get her a special bag just for NeNe. She cannot eat with her - NeNe has a special place at home during dinner, bath, homework, etc.

I would start there. Let her have NeNe time when she wants, but set a few ground rules. I'm sure losing her mom must have been devastating and she needs to take comfort somewhere. I wouldn't take it away. Eventually, NeNe may get replaced with Coach pocketbooks, like my stepdaughter!!!

ETA - I would also define NeNe for her, so when she calls it her best friend, say, "I know that NeNe really makes you feel safe and comfortable, and that is so wonderful to have that. But a friend is more like (insert a real friend's name here) because you can talk to her and do fun things with her. You are lucky you have (Sally) to be your friend, and NeNe to cuddle and be comforted by when (Sally) isn't around..."

Message edited 1/28/2009 8:08:04 PM.

Re: Security doll

Just jumping in from a SW standpoint...
She has a therapist that you talked about. I think you should mention this to her therapist. A good therapist isnt going to outright say "hey guess what your stepmom told me today but rather she will try to ease her way into trusting her and possibly eventually realizing there are other best friends out there and not NENE. I definitely think you should talk to her therapist...whats to lose.