Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Most of my husband's relatives have cats. Not 1 cat, but multiple cats. The cats (and their fur) are all over the couch, kitchen chairs, carpets, you name it. Many of the cats have no problem walking on the kitchen table...some even walk on the countertops. And MOST of the family has cat fur just floating around in the air. Like hair clouds.

I'm highly allergic to cats. In fact, I ended up having to take benadryl last night (I'm 23 wks PG) because I was covered with hives just from being there for dessert. 2 showers later and I still feel itchy and dirty...not to mention congested, groggy and drugged.

I mean, if I can SEE the hair floating in the air, imagine the dander that I CAN'T see?!? Even if they close the cats off in another room (which my MIL has done before - but no one else), the hair and dander is still everywhere.

Every time I think about bringing a newborn into that situation, I cringe. I even cried about it when I got home last night. What if this poor baby has my allergy? Even if he doesn't, I don't want him breathing that in. And what if they pounce on/near him?!?! OMG!

I absolutely cannot just come up with a reason to skip going there every time there's a holiday- these are my husband's parents and that wouldn't ever fly. On the other hand, we have a 2BR apt and there's no way we could host a holiday at our place.

My ILs went out and bought a pack-n-play...they're gathering hand-me-down toys and bathtubs...they're expecting to babysit my son at their house often. Unless I find some way to either clean the house or get over my issues, that's just not going to happen!!!

DH realizes my fears and doesn't think they're irrational at all, but on the other hand, he grew up in the same situation and according to him, he's fine. (Aside from the constant snoring, frequent upper respiratory infections, etc.) He understands how miserable I am with the allergy and doesn't think I'm being ridiculous at all.

I KNOW there's time - but not that much time, and I just need some advice before I freak out!

Thanks

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

I understand your concerns, I really do, but the truth is that research shows that babies who grow up in an environment with pets actually fare better with regard to their health and have less respiratory, asthma and allergy issues as adults. While it may very well be disgusting, and a HUGE inconvenience for you, it's probably just fine for the baby. If you really have any concerns, talk to your pediatrician about it

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

I don't have this situation, but what you describe sounds disgusting. I'd also have hate bringing my baby there (I don't see this as a "talk to your pediatrician" issue, but maybe it would help allay your fears). I think you'll just have to suck it up and visit your ILs and go home and immediately scrub down your DC!

Message edited 4/13/2009 9:53:16 AM.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Posted by Bxgell2

I understand your concerns, I really do, but the truth is that research shows that babies who grow up in an environment with pets actually fare better with regard to their health and have less respiratory, asthma and allergy issues as adults. While it may very well be disgusting, and a HUGE inconvenience for you, it's probably just fine for the baby. If you really have any concerns, talk to your pediatrician about it

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Wow..this is a hard one. I have a cat but that house sounds disgusting. I am feeling gross just hearing your description. Hair in the air! All over the couch and counters. YUCK!!!!
I am not a very "keep the peace" person for the most part when it comes to my children.
With your allergies I think your DH needs to tell his parents that you simply cannot attend family functions easily without having medical issues such as a rash and breathing problems. I would tell them that your OB said you simply cannot be around cats for the remainder of your pregnancy. Then I would have the ped tell my DH that it is not a good situation for a newborn to be in- all of that cat hair is going to end up in the baby's mouth and when they crawl I would, again, ask for some support from the OB and the Ped to help explain the situation.
Then I would ask DH to either hire someone to clean his parents home prior to a holiday as a "we want to contribute and help the parents" gift OR I would simply invite them to my home and have a smaller holiday celebration.

-I had a similar situation with my husband's father. We do not seen him very much at all. I mean, once or twice a year at the very most. But the first time he met our daughter he invited us to his apartment. We went because neither of us had ever been there. Well there were FILLED ashtrays EVERYWHERE. I mean 2-3 per room. The smoke FILLED the house. After 10 minutes Molly's eyes were red and she was coughing. Even though they did not smoke while we were there it was in everything! I said she was not feeling well and we had to go. We were COVERED in smoke. Literally. We had to take our coats off, I took most of her clothes off of her and covered her in a blanket. We got home and we all showered/bath. Washed EVERYTHING. Aired out the car for the rest of the day. And never went back again. We simply met him at a non-smoking resturant or my SIL's home. And all of the gifts he give typically get throw away because of the smell unless they can be cleaned in bleach.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Posted by dm24angel

Posted by Bxgell2

I understand your concerns, I really do, but the truth is that research shows that babies who grow up in an environment with pets actually fare better with regard to their health and have less respiratory, asthma and allergy issues as adults. While it may very well be disgusting, and a HUGE inconvenience for you, it's probably just fine for the baby. If you really have any concerns, talk to your pediatrician about it

I agree, And I think to be honest, someone who is allergic to cats and seems to dislike them is gonna see the situation a bit worse then it might be....

Although I do agree it sounds disgusting. We have 3 cats.....My house has cat hair, theres no way around it. We vaccuum everyday and we roll the furniture every day to remove as much as possible....But its highly unlikely you wont leave her seeing a piece of cat hair. Same with people who have dogs....Pet hair is a pretty constant in most peoples houses

My son was fine.

I would Though speak to them about it. I think I would feel comfortably asking them, or having your DH ask them or tell them that before your baby is born and there, is there a way they could vaccuum everyday and dust and carhair the furniture. I think with multiple cats, that SHOULD be done daily. and if it is you should see a huge improvement.

I also think its reasonable to ask them to put the cats in another room when your there is it bothers you, even if its just your DC.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

A few hours in that environment isn't going to hurt your baby. IF he develops an allergy to cats- THEN you have an argument supporting not going there.

BTW- we had 2 persian cats (e.g. lots of hair) and DD#1 still developed an allergy to cats- so exposure isn't necessarily going to help ward off an allergy. Also- neither DH nor I have an allergy to cats, so your allergy doesn't mean you'll pass it to your son.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Posted by Bxgell2

I understand your concerns, I really do, but the truth is that research shows that babies who grow up in an environment with pets actually fare better with regard to their health and have less respiratory, asthma and allergy issues as adults. While it may very well be disgusting, and a HUGE inconvenience for you, it's probably just fine for the baby. If you really have any concerns, talk to your pediatrician about it

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

I have to respond honestly to this; my Mom has four cats. At one point (when Amber was little), she had six and two dogs. Admittedly the house is not as clean as it should be. The bottom line is that pets shed/can be dirty, etc. However, it has never stopped me/us from going there. If we had allergies, that would be another issue (in fact, John has massive cat allergies and can only go out there for "outside" events; that's why Mom has my beloved Scutches ). Children can pick up dirt/germs from all sources. Daycares/playgrounds, etc. I am actually glad that she was exposed to so many factors early on. She has an amazing love and compassion for animals and she's allergy free (with the exception of bee stings - which I have a problem with as well). There are definitely days where you can see the "cloud" floating through Mom's, but I try not to fixate on it so much and appreciate the love and care my folks give her.

We had a different issue with ex's Grandmother. She was the most awesome lady in the world but she CHAIN smoked and never ventilated the house. I am totally serious when I say you could literally write your name in the nicotine all over the place. One time she asked me to retrieve her coat from the closet, and you could see the lines of tar from where the coat hung in folds. I had a tough time going there with her, because it was a tremendous violation of your lungs to even be there. We tried going over during "nice" days when we could sit in the courtyard. Otherwise, visits were SHORT (as in 15 minutes or less).

Message edited 4/13/2009 10:23:54 AM.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

I have no problems with pets per se although I am highly allergic to cats. So I really avoid houses with cats.

I have 2 dogs and I have to vacuum everyday. They go in an out of the house all the time.

What you are describing is border line hygiene issues though. It sounds very disgusting. I am all for exposing kids to the environment but there is a limit to what I consider "healthy".

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Thanks everyone... I normally do not suffer from anxiety, but I just get worked up thinking about this!

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

I have a dog and ILs have a dog. I just try to keep up with the hair as much as possible.

Have you shared with your ILs the fact that you really want your ds to visit often, but that the cats make you really sick? Could you sugggest, or could you buy an air purrifier? These work wonders.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Thank you - I'll definitely look into an air purifier. Do they sell a whole-house purifier?

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

We had cats growing up too, but I still wound up with allergies to them. DH is allergic also, so we are concerned DS will have the allergies also, but we'll see.

My ILs house is kind of dirty, and it goes beyond the cats I think. DS has been fine there, but we don't spend a great deal of time there, mainly because DH and I are allergic too. Honestly, when DC is a newborn/baby it is easier. I had a hard time when DS was crawling--I really didn't want him on their floors for long, but he's walking now. I think that's the worst time to have a baby in a dirty house, when crawling and sitting up/putting stuff in their mouths.

See if DS can talk to them about cleaning up a little for your allergies alone, and mention you get hives when you go there. That's not something to play around with--I don't think it's too much to ask them to vacuum before you guys visit.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

I get where you are coming from with the IL's. My MIL has a ton of stuff at her house and she rarely babysits her there.

I wouldn't stress it. I play the "it's easier for you to come to me" card, a lot. All her stuff is at my house and if she has to be put to bed....

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

I do agree with pp's about building up a tolerance if the baby is exposed to pet hair. But I would not bring my baby there.

JMO

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Maybe if you try talking to them about how badly you suffer when you go there. my fil and sil are highly allergic to cats. I have 2 and a dog. On a daily basis we vacuum once somtimes twice a day. When we know they are going to be coming over we start preparing a couple of days in advance. We keep the cats in the basement and do multiple major vacuums, moving furniture and stuff. Since we started doing this they no longer have to take medication to come over our house. Maybe if they can make the effort to make you comfortable now, by the time dc comes it will be a habit. Also you could approach the subject by saying that you are so upsept because you love seeing them but after the reaction you had last night you just don't know how you'll be able to go over there. This way it's not an attack on them. Hope this made sense and helps

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Shorty, this is something you & I can discuss when I return the dresses to you. But the issue I deal with is more than just cat hair with the IL's

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

OK, personally I dont care who it is family or not I would flatout tell them Nope, not coming here. And if they asked why, I would be as blunt as possible. I mean, why should you have to subject an infant/child or yourself for that matter to the filth. Im sorry that is just gross. I have been to peoples houses that have multiple cats and while DH was a mess for a few days there was no real sign of the cats. I saw one and saw their play place thats it. Who can live like that. There is no diplomatic way to tell someone they are gross. good Luck.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

This house sounds disgusting! Your in-laws are very insensitive if they would make you feel guilty for not coming over when you are pregnant and need to take Benadryl just to survive in that environment! I would avoid that place like the plague for the rest of your pregnancy and I would not bring a baby into a filthy house like that either. Cats on the kitchen table and counters? EW!

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

I wouldn't be too worried about the baby. As others said, it is good to expose babies to animals at an early age to reduce the likelihood of allergies. I would be more concerned about YOUR allergies. That is not fair to you to be exposed to that and be made to feel physically uncomfortable every time you go there. Unfortunately, I am not sure what the solution is though. My DH has severe allergies to cats to the point that his lungs feel like they are closing up when he gets too close to them. But, both of my brothers have cats. DH usually takes an allergy pill before we go and brings his inhaler, but they are really good about keeping up with the hair. Their houses are not like what you described. If he gets really uncomfortable, he goes out for fresh air, and if that doesn't help, we just have to leave. It's not good for YOUR health to keep exposing yourself to known allergens. I would think the baby would be ok though. JMO

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

Posted by Shorty

Posted by Kate

This house sounds disgusting! Your in-laws are very insensitive if they would make you feel guilty for not coming over when you are pregnant and need to take Benadryl just to survive in that environment! I would avoid that place like the plague for the rest of your pregnancy and I would not bring a baby into a filthy house like that either. Cats on the kitchen table and counters? EW!

just to clarify - the cats on the counters is at his Aunt/Uncle's house, not his parents. I think that aunt has 5 or 6 cats now!

They ALL have cats - his parents, sister, aunts, uncles, etc.

Re: Sensitive topic - does anyone have family with "messy" pets? How do you handle taking your newborn/infant there? LONG, sorry.

While I agree that the house sounds like it needs to be kept up a little better, I don't think that should keep you from bringing the baby there.

We have 4 cats, and yes...their fur is on the couch, on the rug, and sometimes we even catch them on the counter (they get the spray bottle for that), but unless there's a life-threatening emergency, a little bit of pet hair and dander never killed anyone, KWIM?