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rmsgirl
LIF Infant
Member since 5/08 101 total posts
Name:
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"sibling" rivalry question
Hi Ladies,
I don't post often, but would like some feedback on an issue. I'm sorry this is so long.
My husband and I have an almost 3 year old niece who is very jealous of all the attention our 6 month old son is getting. It is understandable, she's been the only baby in the family up to now and has a hard time sharing her toys or having the rest of the family pay attention to the baby.
I tried to bring his own toys with him to family events so she wouldn't have to share hers, but she just ripped them right out of his hands. Then I stopped bringing toys at all and then she wanted to play in his carseat. Then I stopped bringing the carseat into the house and would just carry him in the bjorn, hold him or let him roll around on the rug. A couple of weeks ago she tried to kick him when he was on the floor, but her father stopped her just in time. This weekend, we were at a party and the baby was on his belly on the rug and she came up to him and stepped on his back. Hard. And it was on purpose to hurt him, because she smiled when he cried. My husband's aunt was at the party and had never met the baby before and was making a big fuss over him. My SIL talked to my niece, but she completely ignored it. Then she tried to get her to apologize later and again was completely ignored.
I had to walk out of the room and let my husband talk to her, because I was afraid of what was going to come out of my mouth. I love my SIL, but this situation is REALLY getting to me now. I don't want to ruin our relationship, but I also want my baby to be safe.
What would you do?
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Posted 8/10/09 12:13 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: "sibling" rivalry question
if I saw what you saw, I would reprimand her if her parents are unwilling to...that is unacceptable behavior, period
I would also pull the parents aside and tell them they need to monitor their child closer  
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| Posted 8/10/09 12:17 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: "sibling" rivalry question
IMO you can't talk to a 3 year old. When she acts like that she needs be be reprimanded and given a time out.
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| Posted 8/10/09 12:31 PM |
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Re: "sibling" rivalry question
Posted by babybug631
IMO you can't talk to a 3 year old. When she acts like that she needs be be reprimanded and given a time out.
I agree...talking to a 3 year old just doesn't happen.
I might get flamed for this, but when my kids are around my nieces and nephews I repimand who ever is doing the hitting, biting, not sharing if their is no one else around and I am their to witness it regardless if it is my child or not. Now, I also expect the same if I am not their that my SIL/BIL do the same.
I am sure a lot of it is jealousy and it will pass it is just going to take time. Next time she is around you I think you asking for her help and playing up that she is the BIG cousin will make a difference. Even little things like, getting a diaper and wipes case from your diaper bag, throwing out a dirty diaper, entertaining him while you feed him. Those little things are HUGE to a 3 year old. I would also tell her that if misbehaves and hits, pushes, steps or bites your son she can no longer help for that visit and stick with it.
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| Posted 8/10/09 1:07 PM |
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Re: "sibling" rivalry question
same is going on for me...but in my house! DD#1 is NOT thrilled DD#2 is in the picture. DD#1 is 3 and DD#2 is 8 months.
Posted by JerseyMamaOf2
I might get flamed for this, but when my kids are around my nieces and nephews I repimand who ever is doing the hitting, biting, not sharing if their is no one else around and I am their to witness it regardless if it is my child or not. Now, I also expect the same if I am not their that my SIL/BIL do the same.
i'm with JerseyMamaOf2 as far as the reprimanding goes, but i personally would also not start a huge feud over this and just make sure i protect baby at all times...
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| Posted 8/10/09 1:53 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: "sibling" rivalry question
First -  to you for not reacting with the 3 year old the way I'm sure you wanted to. I know I'd freak out if some kid tried to kick my baby & then later stepped on its back. I think I would do the deathgrip on their arm along with a whispered threat through clenched teeth.
I don't think you should think twice about reprimanding someone who is hurting your child.
I know that my son was almost 2 & tried to get attention by hitting his new sister. It took awhile before we realized that even negative attention was something that he'd seek out even though it didn't make sense to us.
We started praising him for things like being a good helper, playing nice with his sister, etc. We also would tell Maddie "I'm feeding you now, but as soon as we're done, it's Joseph's turn." or things like "Joseph is such a good brother. I'm proud of him, aren't you?" so he would overhear it. It did help ease the rivalry.
I'm not sure how much it would work with a 3 year old, but if it doesn't, I would suggest DH speak to his sister about how you would like it to be handled going forward.
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| Posted 8/10/09 2:20 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: "sibling" rivalry question
I would have NO problem telling the 3 year she needed a time out/separating her from your DC and to say she was sorry. I would have no problem saying something to her parent's either. This child seems to have issues if she is deliberately trying to hurt your child. By stepping on someone and smiling about it she knew she was doing something wrong that would cause great pain to the baby. Since her parents are unwilling to reprimand her and it is not like you just cannot see her again I think you need to explain to the child why her actions were wrong. As hard as it is to not yell, you need to be the grown up and just do it in a manner that you think you would want someone else to talk to your child in. But believe me, inside I would be seething.
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| Posted 8/10/09 3:56 PM |
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rmsgirl
LIF Infant
Member since 5/08 101 total posts
Name:
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Re: "sibling" rivalry question
Thanks for all your responses. I'm trying hard to handle this well...we are close to SIL. Also, my niece is starting school in September and has to learn how to treat other kids.
DH is on my side with this, so that helps a lot, too.
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| Posted 8/10/09 4:06 PM |
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: "sibling" rivalry question
Get your neice on your side, so to speak, when you are visiting. When you walk in, greet her and immediately tell her you have a big girl job for her. Have her help you with something. Make her feel like she can do things that the baby can't that way her jealousy will subside. Even if it is as simple as showing her how fun it is to be a big girl and be able to eat a cookie which the baby can't do!
Play up the big girl thing and how it is way more fun to be a big girl. Shower her with that attention. She'll feel special and start behaving. Good luck!
If that doesn't work, I have no problem disciplining any kid be it family or some kid I don't know that is directly hurting my child. No qualms about it. And if the parents get mad, I really don't care becasue they are not parentling their own children.
Message edited 8/10/2009 6:19:01 PM.
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| Posted 8/10/09 6:18 PM |
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