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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...HAPPY UPDATE!!!
Girls,
I spoke with SIL today and everything is worked out! 
She said that her college friends jumped in, called her mother all behind her back. She found out about it a few days ago and wanted to talk to me in person about it when I see her Saturday (we had plans before all this happened). She sent the college girls and email to include me or at least ASK me to be involved in some way. They have not called me me or emailed me yet. I am not waiting for them to. She emailed me all their contact info. Tonight I WILL make my presence known and make a few calls. 
I am so happy that I called her, confronted it head on and was truthful about how I was feeling...it brought us closer. I also found out that SIL really does LOVE me and considers me her "sister" too. We talked all about it. 
Thank you all for your support and advice yesterday!!!! It meant so much to me.  
Message edited 1/19/2009 5:37:27 PM.
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Posted 1/18/09 1:52 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Kate
*****
Member since 5/05 7557 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
Maybe her college friends just started planning it, and then called her about it. What was she supposed to do? Tell them "Oh, I think my SIL is going to plan it"? I think she was probably put in an awkward position and it would have seemed ungrateful to tell her friends not to plan something.
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| Posted 1/18/09 1:56 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
see 1st post
Message edited 1/19/2009 5:38:41 PM.
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:03 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
I am trying to learn that some people, like you Dina, are just very very considerate of others feelings.
Some just don't put that much thought into it.
I understand why you are hurt. My brother isn't married, but I would like to think one day I will have a very close relationship with his wife.
I hope you guys are able to get past this.
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:07 PM |
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happytobreathe
The Lazy Days of Summer
Member since 10/06 1413 total posts
Name:
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
In my opinion I would tell her flat out how you feel. Just say how much you were looking forward to planning her shower after all she did for you. Possibly, the friends just assumed they would do it and never ever asked her. It could be the case. But before you go getting new guardians and getting more upset I would call and speak with her. IMHO. Good Luck either way!
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:08 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
see 1st post
Message edited 1/19/2009 5:38:24 PM.
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:12 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
Posted by happytobreathe
. But before you go getting new guardians and getting more upset I would call and speak with her. IMHO. Good Luck either way!
Your right, I was pretty reactive writing that. I am just so upset and hurt.
How do I talk to her about this without things getting SUPER weird? I don't want to loose my brother over this too. 
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:15 PM |
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happytobreathe
The Lazy Days of Summer
Member since 10/06 1413 total posts
Name:
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
I would possibly talk to them both. It might be nice for him to hear what you are saying also. It also would be great for them to know how much you value the relationship!
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:17 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
see 1st post
Message edited 1/19/2009 5:38:53 PM.
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:22 PM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You never know - could it be that she helped plan their showers? Maybe she didn't want to burden you since you have a DC and a PT job?
I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I do understand how you feel. I think she could have kept you in the loop, though....
i really hope you work this out! You are family...
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:24 PM |
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
I wonder if she is letting her friends plan it, figuring you are too busy with your own DC ? maybe they offered and instead of burdening you with the planning, she let them do it? I would just say to her that your a little dissappointed, that you were really looking forward to planning etc
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:29 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
see 1st post
Message edited 1/19/2009 5:39:06 PM.
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:31 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
There are times when I have felt that way, both about my own sister and my bil's gf, who I thought I was close to.
I just let it go now. But I see why you are hurt.
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| Posted 1/18/09 2:46 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
Posted by mom2aidan
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You never know - could it be that she helped plan their showers? Maybe she didn't want to burden you since you have a DC and a PT job?
I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I do understand how you feel. I think she could have kept you in the loop, though....
i really hope you work this out! You are family...
ITA! I understand being hurt but tell her you would like to contribute to the shower somehow. If I were her I would never say to you "Hey Dina, I know you mentioned throwing me a shower but my friends want to help out also" that is just awkward IMO - maybe she thinks since it wasn't mentioned again it wouldn't be a big deal?
Talk to her about it - I'm sure you'll work it out!
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| Posted 1/18/09 3:31 PM |
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Octobermom
LIF Adult
Member since 1/09 972 total posts
Name:
Anna Maria
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
I hope you don't mind my putting in my two cents. I think you are absolutely right to be hurt!!! Maybe now that you know where you stand, you can let the relationship be more casual.
You don't have to do anything too special for her shower. You don't always need to be there if she needs something etc.
Its obvious that you value your friendship with her more than she does with you so you can start treating her accordingly. At least it wasn't malicious, just very thoughtless.
Plus, you seem like you have a very kind heart and I'm sure that you will want to be a loving aunt to your niece/nephew and confronting her may lead to that not being possible.
I hope it all works out!
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| Posted 1/18/09 3:33 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
see 1st post
Message edited 1/19/2009 5:39:23 PM.
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| Posted 1/18/09 3:49 PM |
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Kate
*****
Member since 5/05 7557 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...I am being too sensitive?
Posted by dandr10199
Posted by Kate
Maybe her college friends just started planning it, and then called her about it. What was she supposed to do? Tell them "Oh, I think my SIL is going to plan it"? I think she was probably put in an awkward position and it would have seemed ungrateful to tell her friends not to plan something.
Thanks for your POV kate. Maybe her friends did put her in a bad position...who knows?
I do feel that she could have said: "Hey Dina asked me about this a while back, would you guys keep her in the loop too? I value her friendship as well and Dina IS FAMILY". She did not b/c I do not matter to her. That much is now obvious.
This is what I would have done and I DID do this when a friend of MINE & DH's Aunt did want to plan my baby shower when my mom was sick. I told them to talk to SIL and MIL so they would not feel left out and SIL, MIL, Dh's Aunt, and my friends all got on the same page for my shower. It is about putting family first for me AND about don't tell me that I am "like a sister to you" and ACT completely different to me. KWIM?
Yes, it would have been nice for her to try to keep you in the loop. Hopefully you guys can talk about it and move past it. Good luck!
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| Posted 1/18/09 4:28 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...HAPPY UPDATE!!!
HAPPY UPDATE in 1st post!
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| Posted 1/19/09 5:37 PM |
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happytobreathe
The Lazy Days of Summer
Member since 10/06 1413 total posts
Name:
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Re: SIL's Baby Shower...need advice...HAPPY UPDATE!!!
I happy it all worked out!
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| Posted 1/19/09 5:43 PM |
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