Sort of PG related – Need advise (vent)

How can I control my attitude, hormones, b*tchyness, etc? DH and a very close friend have seen it and pointed it out to me. I see it too at times, but I can’t control it. I’m afraid of where it will lead me in the near future. Some ideas are that it’s related to my having a girl – I was a surrogate for my SIL (DH’s sister) and that baby was a girl - I had many similar issues (emotional) during that pregnancy – had PPD and went to a therapist. I feel like a therapist would do me good, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of not being able to share my feelings completely in a way that would help me. I want to ask DH to go with me, but not sure he will. Plus I don’t know who to goto, b/c I wasn’t all that thrilled with the last person I went to.

Some examples:
I have trouble finding/seeing the good in things – we’re having a girl (we already have a boy) and I really wanted a girl, but I am having trouble fully embracing it.

We’re in contract on a house. I just can’t wait to have closing/moving date and be in our house. I think some of the above goes hand in hand with this. We are living with MIL right now and I can’t get/do anything for the baby’s room, b/c we don’t have one.

SIL (DH’s brother’s wife – NOT SIL I was surrogate for) is PG too (due 6wks after me) – this was my WORST fear when TTCing and when I got PG. We were PG together with our 1st DCs (they are 4 mos apart), and all I wanted to was to have this pregnancy to myself – we were TTCing for 13 mos, they TTC’d for 1 mo. They wanted a boy and just found out, it’s a boy. In my eyes, (not just this) whatever they want, they get. I feel like so many things in life I have had to wait, and wait and WAIT for – so many things I have longed for and can’t/don’t get. It doesn't help that DH doesn't understand why I am so upset with her and I being PG together. I can't really spell it out, but it just does. Another silly thing is I feel like she will def. get another full on shower - where as I'll be lucky if I get a sprinkle. She expects it, I don't. She has a big family nearby, I don't. I know some of that is irrational of me to think, but still, I do.

This is an ongoing issue, but I feel like the hormones and such are magnifying it. I am unsure how to control it. I try to think positive and look at the good things we have going on – but I lose focus too easily. And when I catch myself I just want to cry.

Add to it all, DH’s schedule rotates, and he has other things (aside from work) going on and we do not get alot of time together. I have a hard time not taking it personally. He gets mad when I tell him I feel like I’m being pushed aside – example – I jokingly asked him when he was going to pencil me in, he said “Not sure yet.” Grrrrr.

Okay, enough venting – any thoughts/ideas/suggestions on how I can handle/control my issues?????
Thanks for “listening”

Message edited 7/9/2012 2:25:39 PM.

Re: Sort of PG related – Need advise (vent)

I think recognizing that some of this is not rational is the first step. I went through a period like this when pg with my son and it is so hard. You see what you don't want to be and yet are that person. The only thing that helped me was the Bible. I know I know insert a million things here, but seriously getting back into my faith was the slap in the face I needed. It put a lot into perspective for me.

Re: Sort of PG related – Need advise (vent)

Re: Sort of PG related – Need advise (vent)

i wish i had some advice for you... but i wanted to reach out and offer - i can relate on a few of your "issues". i feel like it takes away some of the joy of the pregnancy and being able to fully embrace it the way we want to. the thought has definitely crossed my mind that i may suffer from PPD - bc sometimes, i feel like i'm suffering from PRE-PD, if there is such a thing.
i think reaching out is the best thing you can do right now and hopefully some others can offer you advice. i think therapy might really help if you can find the right fit (i was unhappy with my therapist a couple of years ago so i have no rec). good luck and just know you're not alone.

Re: Sort of PG related – Need advise (vent)

Crashing here- I was pregnant and I get that the hormones thing is a biggie. But you also need to give yourself a break- you have a lot of major things going on!!! You are living with your inlaws, getting ready to move, you have a toddler, your DH works a rotating schedule meaning a lot probably falls on you, you don't have a big family nearby and you're trying to do all of this while growing another person inside you- it's a lot! I think talking to someone would be really helpful, but I think you also need to keep in mind that you have a lot of stressors in your life that would stress anyone let alone a pregnant lady. Hopefully someone on here will have a good rec for a therapist.

Re: Sort of PG related – Need advise (vent)

Posted by Teachergal

Crashing here- I was pregnant and I get that the hormones thing is a biggie. But you also need to give yourself a break- you have a lot of major things going on!!! You are living with your inlaws, getting ready to move, you have a toddler, your DH works a rotating schedule meaning a lot probably falls on you, you don't have a big family nearby and you're trying to do all of this while growing another person inside you- it's a lot! I think talking to someone would be really helpful, but I think you also need to keep in mind that you have a lot of stressors in your life that would stress anyone let alone a pregnant lady. Hopefully someone on here will have a good rec for a therapist.