Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

So many women here talk about the positives of having their children close together. For me, that will not be a reality. SO ... just wondering if moms with kids further apart can share what's GREAT about having kids spaced 3.5+ years apart. Thanks!

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

I'll start with what I think are some positives.

The older child will be more self sufficient at that point. Not only can they do more for themselves, but they can also help you with things for the baby.

You will only have one college tuition at a time

You only have one in diapers. Right now I am up to my eyebrows in diapers

I will def. keep on thinking!

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

For me I want a bigger time difference. I don't understand why so many people want them so close in age (when you're young and healthy at least). I am 30 and have some time and no problems with fertility. DD is 2.5 now and I am in no rush.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

DH is 3 years older than his brother and 6 years older than his sister. I am only 2 years older than my sister but 10 years older than my brother.

One huge pro is that sibling rivalry is cut down. They arent compared as much by to each other in school, sports, etc.

Another pro is the older kids get a lot more time with their parents before they have to share them with a sibling. When the younger one comes along they are usually ok doing their own thing while you tend to the baby. They can understand better that a baby doesnt take away from them.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

My DC's are 3 years 3 months apart

Some of the pro's :

I do not have 2 in diapers at once

I only need to carry the baby, DS walks

My DS was already in a big boy bed ( no dilemma with cribs)

Since finding a 2 seater shopping cart is hard to find, my DS walks

DS is out of the napping stage so I don't need to try to coordinate napping schedules....

There's really quite a few pro's and I never thought there would be !

Most importantly, they adore eachother

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

I have one child, but my sister and I are 9 years apart. According to my mother, I was a big help to her so it wasn't so hard to care for a baby. I could entertain myself and did not require constant supervision. I also don't remember feeling jealous or arguing with my sister much at all, unlike a lot of my friends who were closer in age. We liked different things, so there wasn't much to argue about.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

I will ket you know in about a month DS will be 3 yrs 7 mos when DD comes along. I am so looking forward to seeing how he responds to her and how much he loves her and helps with her. He talks about how he is going to hold her and feed her (I've been explaining that might take a little while since I'm going to BF, but I will pump early on) and even says he'll change her diapers, but I won't hold him to that

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

My boys are 8, 5, and 7 mons. The older boys adore their brother and are much more tolerant of him then I imagined they would be. With the older 2, who are almost exactly 3 years apart, and it was nice to see the "big" brother really get that this was his brother. They are very close now, and I hope it stays that way...

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

Well, my kids will be 2 weeks shy of being 4 years apart and I honestly cannot imagine having done it with them closer in age! My daughter is fully potty trained, can wash herself in the shower, do chores around the house, and basically be incredibly independent, so that has been so helpful as I've moved towards my third trimester, and I also feel like it will be great when the baby gets here because I won't be diapering two kids, feeding two kids, etc. Plus, I see how she plays with my one year old nephew and they're still so close in age.
I am also looking forward to her being in camp full day this summer, then in school full time in September so my husband can be home with the baby and have that bonding time with him alone.
Overall, I really just think it's going to be a good thing and I have no regrets about waiting.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

Love, love , love this age difference and originally wanted small age gap.

My son is 6 and dd 2.5.

My son is more self sufficient. Even when she was born, he was just so much easier. Now, he can help take care of her, e.g., he puts on his and her coat. He will zip her, put on her shoes. He loves being the big brother.

They play. They really do, its amazing. My son has a best friend who lives right next store, but my dd is his playmate most of the time. He truly loves her, and she thinks he is the best.

I think they probably fight less than if they were the same sex or closer in age.

They cuddle. When he is sick in bed she wants nothing more than to curl up with him. Good and bad.

They still have the giggles and noone else gets it.

He reads to her, and helps her even when we are too busy. I used to push him on his little kiddie train and break my back. He always pushes her for me.

When I am fed up with her tantrums, ds miraculously calms her and she will defend him to the end...when she is not tattling on him.

My son is way busy with activities and I love that she is not at the same point as he is. He is in grade school and I still have so much to look forward to with her, nursery, etc. Its not all at once, but more spread out.

Three days ago, my son said that my dd was his best friend. My dh was like really? and he said, "yea what do you think, she is my sister you know."

The bad part. My dd talks like a 6 yr old. "butt" instead of bottom hey "yo" It can be a little embarrassing when people don't know she has a brother and I think she will be the kid parents don't want teaching their kid stuff.

Message edited 3/5/2010 8:10:38 PM.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

Posted by twicethefun

Love, love , love this age difference and originally wanted small age gap.

My son is 6 and dd 2.5.

My son is more self sufficient. Even when she was born, he was just so much easier. Now, he can help take care of her, e.g., he puts on his and her coat. He will zip her, put on her shoes. He loves being the big brother.

They play. They really do, its amazing. My son has a best friend who lives right next store, but my dd is his playmate most of the time. He truly loves her, and she thinks he is the best.

I think they probably fight less than if they were the same sex or closer in age.

They cuddle. When he is sick in bed she wants nothing more than to curl up with him. Good and bad.

They still have the giggles and noone else gets it.

He reads to her, and helps her even when we are too busy. I used to push him on his little kiddie train and break my back. He always pushes her for me.

When I am fed up with her tantrums, ds miraculously calms her and she will defend him to the end...when she is not tattling on him.

My son is way busy with activities and I love that she is not at the same point as he is. He is in grade school and I still have so much to look forward to with her, nursery, etc. Its not all at once, but more spread out.

Three days ago, my son said that my dd was his best friend. My dh was like really? and he said, "yea what do you think, she is my sister you know."

The bad part. My dd talks like a 6 yr old. "butt" instead of bottom hey "yo" It can be a little embarrassing when people don't know she has a brother and I think she will be the kid parents don't want teaching their kid stuff.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

Ava is 4 years and 2 months older than Brody.

Huge positive- You get a ton of one-on-one baby time with each. With Ava she was my first/only. We did EVERY Mommy and Me Class, went on fun trips and even take her to Broadway Plays. Probably wouldn't have been able to do that much if Brody was born sooner. Bascically, I loved that I could really focus on her and ENJOY her.

Now that she is in Kindergarten, I get all of that one-on-one time with Brody.

Negative- They are at 2 different stages in life. They don't like the same tv shows, toys, etc. It is also hard to keep up with Ava's activities. Driving her here and there, sitting on the dance studio waiting room, etc....are all things that a baby does not want to do.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

My DD was 3 1/2 when DS was born and so far I have found it so easy having two kids and I think its due to the age difference.

DD is at preschool four mornings per week while I work from home so she has her own little life going on there.

DD is potty trained so only one set of diapers to deal with.

DD LOVES, LOVES, LOVES her brother so much and acts like his second mother, she always yells for me if he spits up or now that he is on the move if he is heading into trouble.

DS flat out adores the ground that DD walks on, he lights up the minute she walks in the room, will crane his neck to see her when he hears her voice, laughs out loud at anything she does especially when she is twirling around the room in her princess dresses!!


DD loves to help with everything feeding him, bathing him, reading him stories, explaining the ways of the world to him!! She even tells DH how to do things if he is not taking care of DS properly.

I think it also helps as I never ask her to entertain DS so she doesn't see him as a burden. She has never once complained when she needs something and I might be feeding or doing something for DS. I am EBF so that is time consuming but I try to get her everything she might need before I start -even if I dont she will wait until I am finished.

She is super excited now that DS is starting to move and she knows before long he will be able to run after her.

All in all if their relationship is anything like it is now in the future then I will be a very happy mom.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

My sister is more than 3 years younger than me - I love our age difference. We always played together and she tagged along with my friends and I. We fought (as all kids do) but she was and is truly my best friend. I loved looking after her and making sure she was taken care of. I think it's a great age difference.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

I never wanted such a big age difference but it was what we were handed, and I feel super lucky! My girls are 7 1/2 years apart. I feared jealousy because Jordan was the only one for soooo long. I had nightmares about it. Well... It is quite the opposite, Jordan is in complete and total LOVE with Peyton. She can not get enough of her. She is old enough to understand how lucky we are to be blessed with another baby. She never spoke about wanting a sibling until she started school. she was the only kid in her Kindergarten class without a sibling. All her cousins has siblings. She started asking me to tell God to put a baby in my belly When she said her night time prayers, she herself prayed to God, "Please God, put a baby in Mommy's belly. It is hard to explain Infertility to a child
She is the best big sister and Mom's helper. She will do anything for me that helps Peyton. Getting bottles, diapers, burp clothes, toys. She will entertain her while I am in the shower or cooking dinner. She helps Peyton with puzzles, reads to her, helps with anything she needs. There relationship brings me to tears, time and time again. Peyton thinks Jordan is the BEST thing in the entire world. She follows her around like a puppy dog. Everything Jordan does is Sooo funny to Peyton.
All I know is this... The fact that I was able to have 2 happy and healthy little girls is a true blessing. Whether its 12 months or 12 years difference. We are all so lucky.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

dd is 2.5 yrs older and while its not three, she is so amazing as a sister, she is a little mommy and loves her younger sister so much, it is precious!

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

My stepdaughters are 6 years apart. DH said it was wonderful because the older one was too old to be jealous of her baby sister, and helped take care of her. Now at ages 13 and 19 they are best friends!!!

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

Posted by ChrisDee

I never wanted such a big age difference but it was what we were handed, and I feel super lucky! My girls are 7 1/2 years apart. I feared jealousy because Jordan was the only one for soooo long. I had nightmares about it. Well... It is quite the opposite, Jordan is in complete and total LOVE with Peyton. She can not get enough of her. She is old enough to understand how lucky we are to be blessed with another baby. She never spoke about wanting a sibling until she started school. she was the only kid in her Kindergarten class without a sibling. All her cousins has siblings. She started asking me to tell God to put a baby in my belly When she said her night time prayers, she herself prayed to God, "Please God, put a baby in Mommy's belly. It is hard to explain Infertility to a child


She is the best big sister and Mom's helper. She will do anything for me that helps Peyton. Getting bottles, diapers, burp clothes, toys. She will entertain her while I am in the shower or cooking dinner. She helps Peyton with puzzles, reads to her, helps with anything she needs. There relationship brings me to tears, time and time again. Peyton thinks Jordan is the BEST thing in the entire world. She follows her around like a puppy dog. Everything Jordan does is Sooo funny to Peyton.
All I know is this... The fact that I was able to have 2 happy and healthy little girls is a true blessing. Whether its 12 months or 12 years difference. We are all so lucky.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

I haven't read the other responses so some may have already said what I'll say.

You know my girls will be exactly 3 years apart. I always thought I'd have kids closer together (my sister and I are only 16 months apart), but 3 years was necessary for us.

I have LOVED every possible second with DD these last 2.5 years. For 3 years (by the time baby comes), I'll have been able to give her complete & undivided attention, be able to enjoy every little second of her little life, watch her flourish and grow. Not that you don't get to do this with kids closer in age, but I've been able to fully give her all of my attention as opposed to splitting it between kids. And I love every second we've had of just "us", doing crafts or playing outside. And I really think she's going to be a great big sister, such a great help, and she'll understand what the whole thing means.

IMO, whatever the age difference is what's BEST for each family...it just works out and is what's meant to be, KWIM?

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

I have (or will have) experience with both a close age and a little bit further apart. My first two are exactly two years apart. So DS had just turned two days before DD was born. I essentially had two babies on my hands. Two diapers, two sets of crying babies, etc.! But for me I wanted to be in the baby trenches and have them close in age. They play together now extremely well and fight extremely well.

For now, they are still interested in the same things. So a trip to the museum or whatever works for both of them. DD is very mature and DS kinda immature for their ages, so I pretty much have two preschoolers on my hands. Story time at the library, playdates with kids anywhere from 2-5 and they all play together. They go to bed at the same time too each night, so bedtime routines are exactly the same. Jack doesn't know life without Molly, so there are no major jealousy issues from that persepctive.

I'm preggo with #3 due in July and DD will be almost 4 and DS almost 6. They are extremely self sufficient, play outside in the yard by themselves, even make their own waffles in the morning. They go to drop off playdates, etc. They are beyond excited about getting a new baby. They talk about what they will name her, who will do what, etc. Its kinda special since I feel like I am givign them a gift they were asking for and love going shopping for bibs and onsies, etc. Molly even has a bunk bed picked out of the Pottery Barn catalog that she plans to share with the new baby.

So both have great positives! For me, having this thrid one with first two a little older will be great, since I know they will help and will be glowing with pride over their new baby.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

My brother and I are five years apart and DH and BIL are 7.5 years apart and we both found those experiences to be great. We each got special time with our parents, our older brothers were our protectors and taught us a lot. The spacing was great. I never felt like we were in competition for anything.

My mom said he was a great help when I was a baby. And she really liked that in our case, I was born in the end of June and my bro went off to Kindergarten in Sept. and she had a lot of time with me, sort of like an only.

DD just turned three last month and I am thinking we may try this summer and end up with 4.5 years between (God willing) and I am totally okay with that.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

bump for Brownie

Message edited 3/13/2010 4:35:46 AM.

Re: Spinoff: 3.5+ years age difference - tell me the positives!

Thank you, I feel so much better after reading these responses