Spinoff to having kids post

This is not so much about having or not having kids, but more about when to have them. A lot of people (and i am not talking strictly on LIF) say they want to wait until they have an established career, money, etc. Lets face it by the time this all happens (if it does at all) one could be in her late 30's or older.
I read an article recently that women who did this generally found themselves regretting this decision, while women who had children earlier in life did not regret it. It was also interesting because it said that the women who waited were much more critical of the young mothers than vise versa.
I don't really have a question, I just thought a discussion on everyone's thoughts about this would be interesting.

Message edited 3/26/2007 4:06:21 PM.

Re: Spinoff to having kids post

I knew I wanted to have a child before I turned 30. I also knew that I wanted to be married for a few years and I wanted to travel....which I did.
I would have liked to have the house first, but it didn't work out that way.
More and more women are having kids later on in life and there is nothing wrong with that. You just know when it's the right time...if at all...

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I truly have experienced older women being critical of younger women choosing mommy over career (or even having children young in the 1st place)

I worked with a girl who left to have a child. She made the announcement in her 6th month. The older, single women in the office literally blackballed her.

I am not saying its the norm, but it does happen

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for some reason I see this thread as being something that will turn ugly

no offense to you, but having children (or not) is something that many ladies feel strongly about, so I agree that it's whatever works for everyone.

and I'll leave it at that.

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Message edited 3/26/2007 4:14:39 PM.

Re: Spinoff to having kids post

Well I waited until I had an established career- and that is after 3 years of law school. I got pregnant at 29 and had my daughter at 30.

I was not at all ready to have children before I did. I am also glad I had a few years of "me" time to live it up, party with DH, take care of myself and buy myself a few nice things.

Because now, I don't. A Saturday night out used to be dinner and a club. Now I have to be home by midnight so the babysitter can get home - not too much clubbing for me. Not to mention adding an extra $60-$100 for each night out. So since we had DD, we have had maybe 2 or 3 really late nights out.

And movies- that's probably the biggest thing. We used to love to go to the movies almost every Sunday with a group of friends. Now that is out of the question.

I really feel like I lived, so now I can devote my life to my daughter. Sure I miss it sometimes. When my friends are going out and I can't go because I dont' have a babysitter, or its too late and I need to be home with DD. But I know that I really lived it up when it was just DH and me.

Actually, the few women I know who had children young, end up going through a mid life crisis type of thing earlier. The women I know feel that their lives have always been about their children and they never got to have fun. So in their late twenties-early thirties, with kids at home- they want to party, get drunk, and some who married thier "first", wonder what other men are like

But there is no right or wrong. It really depends on the person. Some women are ready to be a mom at 23. Some aren't ready at 33. To each their own.

Message edited 3/26/2007 4:14:16 PM.

Re: Spinoff to having kids post

This is definitely a personal decision. But for me, I would like to have a child by or around age 30. I am 28 now and I definitely was not ready to have a child before now. Nor am I ready at this moment. I would like a little more time.

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I think it depends on your surroundings. In my job arena (high-finance), I've seen more older women waiting to have children and only a smaller percentage regret it. The ones that have waited until they were older came back after their maternity leave to an established career that they were able to retire from a lot earlier than those who have children earlier in life and came back to starting all over w/their career.

In my direct surroundings, I have two friends - both the same age of me and both had their children within five months of each other. Both of them wish a bit that they had waited a little longer, but of course do not regret what they have.

I know a lot of people always say "when we're financially ready" and are received with "yeah, but when does that ever happen." In my case, it'll happen and that's b/c I am actually on a plan - financially and in life. Do things happen where the plans go off track - of course...but there's no way I'll bring a child into this world living paycheck to paycheck.

Re: Spinoff to having kids post

I've seen quite a few articles and discussions.

the idea of "becoming" or hitting a marker and suddenly being ready is a popular one, but almost everyone WITH children that I've ever spoken to says "you're never as ready as you need to be"

there will never be enough money, enough time, enough anything....b/c as our financial pictures change, naturally so do our expenditures.

it's the idea...just ONE more goal before I have a child....but biology is a b1tch...and it waits for no career or bank account.

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It is such a personal decision that everyone makes. For me, I'm 27 yr old newlywed that is moving into our first home next week and right now all I can see is making a home with my DH and spending the next couple of yrs traveling the world enjoying our life together. Once we've fulfiled those things, children will be the next step. When the time is right for us, we'll know...but everyone situation is different as it is such a personal choice we all make.

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I waited until everything was "perfect"...and DH and I both agree that it's one of our only regrets. We realize we're an anomaly, but we may never have children because we waited.

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My MIL told me once that you may never feel ready. That you will never have enough money saved, never have traveled enough, etc. I think it is definitely a personal decision and I agree that sometimes you need to take a leap of faith.

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The one & only reason we have waited so long is for DH to finish school.

I will be 32 this spring (DH turns 33 soon after) and it is not that I wanted to wait this long...........BUT.......he took longer to get back to school for his Masters. He goes full time & graduates in May.

I no longer care about where we live (apartment vs. house) but just am waiting for him be done with school.

We will start TTC this summer

And if someone up there wants me too I will TTC shortly after having my first for my second!!

ETA that I guess I sort of neglected the OP!!!

I am settled in my career, so waiting on DH not me! And I will hopefully be able to go back only PT to work as long as DH finds the right job & we can afford it!

Message edited 3/26/2007 4:26:37 PM.

Re: Spinoff to having kids post

I knew I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was in my mid 30's. While my career was important to me things didn't work out the way I hoped. I got laid off 1 yr into an MBA program. I decided to continue and ended up finishing 1 month before my wedding. Two months after my wedding I found out I was pregnant. Then, we bought a house when I was 5 months. I honestly have not really focused on my career and I dont regret it. I'm happy that I finished my degree and have it to fall back on. Now here I am about to have #2 a couple of weeks before my 30th birthday.

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Message edited 3/26/2007 4:52:57 PM.

Re: Spinoff to having kids post

i dont think u are every 100% "ready".

i agree w/above posters who say ppl wait to be financially ready, a house, established in their career, etc.

i know this will not be the case for me-for all the above reasons!

i cant wait to have babies...but i want to enjoy some time living w/my dh first and all of that--

the career thing doesnt really matter to me that much-to be blunt

i knew a girl in my old work-field-she left for 4 weeks after having her baby-n was talked about by every single woman there...they couldnt believe she came back so LATE!
I was horrified....

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Life doesn't always deliver the hand you think you'll get.

Message edited 7/7/2007 10:57:02 AM.

Re: Spinoff to having kids post

DH and I are newlyweds (October) and just had a baby 3 weeks ago. I am 36, he is 43.
I have wanted a baby for quite awhile, but we have only been together a little over 2 years, I didnt want to get preggo until we knew we wanted to be together and make the commitment.
If I was married younger, I would have probably thought differently, but I have done most of the things I wanted to do before devoting my life to a child.
I have traveled, partied hard, made extravagant purchases, done "naughty things" that moms don't do, and am glad to skip the nights out or the ability to travel at the drop of a hat....at least for now

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Message edited 3/26/2007 4:48:48 PM.

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