Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

luckily, we haven't had too many issues where we've had to "take sides"... my parents live 2 hours away so we don't see them much... and they are really laid back anyway and haven't caused any problems... his parents live about 20 minutes away and tend to drive us both nuts- LOL. they both have WAAY too much free time ( his dad is a pilot and only works like 1 week a month, and his mom doesnt' work). so this combind with DH being an only child (and their TOTAL focus) has caused some issuses... but luckily, they drive DH just as nuts as me, so he handles it with them

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

My DH knows the issue that I have with his mother but I don't push the subject too much.
He knows how she is, agrees, but it's still his mom so I try to watch my delivery when talking about her but he'll always take my side.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

He will always take my side. I really have no complaints about my in laws, there are a few that during the wedding planning I could have shot with no problem but for the most part DH knows he has a strange family, My family has their own issues so its a balanced thing.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

My family adores DH, seriously, it's nauseating. We were friends first and he has been hanging with my sister and cousins for years. Now we are all one, big happy family. My dad thinks he is just the best...

On his side, his sister is a demon. She caused problems leading up to our wedding, stopped talking to us after the wedding for like 2 1/2 years and was beyond anything I find acceptable during my pregnancy and after I had Bella. Her MO up until recently was that I didn't love him enough and he was blind to who I really was. She was hoping for a divorce and said "it was disgusting that we were having children!"

His mother has always taken the sister's side, not because she is right but becase she is afraid of his sister cutting her off.

I despise her... Re: his mom and some of her actions drive me to wanna strangle someone.

I extended a dove branch last Christmas because of Bella and his nieces...his sister certainly wasn't going to do it and now this year will be a NIGHTMARE during the holidays. I should just start drinking now

My DH is so close with my family, we freely discuss things and quirks amongst my family and he is comfortable saying anything he wants. When it comes to his family though, he gets very snippy if I go "over the line" and call comething out. I have started to reel him in on my end too...it's a delicate dance I guess.

Will this change the longer we are married? I don't know.

Message edited 11/8/2006 1:00:33 PM.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Message edited 11/8/2006 1:02:03 PM.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

JT knows I do not like his mother. hell, HE doesn't like his mother.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

He knows how I feel...I don't hold back.

He's sided with me in the past.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

I get along well with my in-laws. Each of our families have 'quirks' that bother the other one but for the most part we are both really good at acepting each other's families for who they are.
If something really bothers me or him, I would expect each other to be fair and understand each other's feelings.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Posted by Chatham-Chick

We both know our own families' "quirks".

We're fortunate that we've never come upon a situation where either one of us had to side with our families. If there's an issue or concern, we discuss it and try to come up with a compromise.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

i have been very lucky with my in-laws. MY MIL is a really nice person and treats me like her own. My FIL is pretty good too-minds his own business for the most part. I love my SIL and consider her one of my best friends. My Mom lives out of state but her and my DH get along well. My Dad lives here and gets along great with DH-they even do business together.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

He is somewhat protetive of them which used to get me upset b/c my thought was now I am his family and he needs to side with me, but I know that's not right 100% b/c its his family and I respect that. That being said we had a major problem with his mom for the wedding and he sided with me at first but then started to be more neutral b/c he was getting protective of his mom - another thing happened that he doesn't know about b/c I know he'll think I'm just being negative (although i will share it with him one day when its right to). Its funny b/c during pre Cana one of the topics we both said we had difficulty talking about was family - we're both protective of our own and get defensive when the other comments -but we're getting better.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

DH is extremely close with his family. He and MIL are very close so I know I can only push any disdain I have for her so far. He is very defensive/protective as am I of my family so I understand.

I think it would depend on what the situation was. If she was being a legit PITA then I think he would side with me but be very gentle and diplomatic about it with MIL.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

If you feel a certain way about his family- does your DH know how you feel?

DH absolutely knows how much I don't love his family.

If you MIL was being a PITA or difficult, would he side with MIL or you?

Me. 100% of the time.

How protective of his family is your DH?

Given that they're a bunch of selfish $^@%&@%, he's not protective of them at all. DH is closer to my mom than he is to his.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

DH usually agrees with my complaints about his family, but he accepts that that's the way they are, and doesn't make waves.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

He knows how I feel

He ALWAYS sides with me

He is not that close to his family, so he is not very protective of them. He moved across the country for law school just to get away from them.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

My dh will side with me

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

I tell my DH how I feel, if someone from his family is crawling under my skin I express my feelings to him but in a non-disrespectful sort of way. My DH always, always takes my side no matter what...he's the BEST!!

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

We both know and recognize the strengths and weaknesses of our respective families. We try to be as respectful as we can in front of them. We also try to be respectful of our families to each other. Badmouthing is never nice.

As much as people are bonded by blood to parents and siblings, the bond between husband and wife is just as important. You are now your own matriarchs and patriarchs of your own branch of family so to speak. I think itis really important to recognize that some ILs need time to adjust to "sharing" (for lack of a better word) their son/daughter with another person - especially first time ILs. HOWEVER a spouse's loyalties, IMO, have to be with a spouse FIRST. I just thing that it is important to please the person you lay down with every night before Mommy and Daddy.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

I actually have issues with my FIL, I get along great with my MIL. We're newlyweds so he's still used to taking their side whenever I bring up issues..although after nearly 9 years together you'd think it would change by now.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Posted by BellaPaige

Posted by Chatham-Chick

We both know our own families' "quirks".

We're fortunate that we've never come upon a situation where either one of us had to side with our families. If there's an issue or concern, we discuss it and try to come up with a compromise.

Same here!!! I must say I feel blessed for the way our families are. We have great family members.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family