Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Just curious - I also think its baffling, but growing up in the city, there were many moms who were SAHM, were very wealthy, and had a FT nanny who cared for their kids while they were in the house as well.

Do you think thats different than sending a child to daycare?

I always thought it was odd that the nannies essentially were there to occupy the kids while the moms were just doing whatever.

I was actually hired one summer as a nanny in Shelter Island for these 2 parents who just wanted to sit on their porch all day. They hardly spend anytime with their kids and they had nothing else to do. They wanted to smoke their cigarettes, read their paper, etc.

When the kids were coming up to them to just interact with them, they would call for me to come get them!!!

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

That's so sad to me.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

I also think it is strange.

I was a nanny for a year and a half in Aspen, CO for a family with 2 kids. The mother did not work, but it seemed that her job was actually going to lunch, ordering stuff from catalogs, skiing with her friends, taking tennis lessons, anything but actually being a mom. The parents never ate dinner with their kids, I was the one who ate with them.

It was an experience that showed me that all the money in the world does not give you a loving, caring family.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Its like that movie w/Scarlett Johanessen..."Nanny Diaries"


I do know some moms who do that but more on a p/t basis...just to run some errands.

That I know offhand is a lot easier to do...run errands without your DC.

But overall...yes weird!
Why bother having a child then?

Message edited 2/19/2008 4:42:54 PM.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

There is a guy who I know who is very very wealthy-he has 4 kids, a wife, a housekeeper and a "nurse"... Three of the 4 children are in school. The nurse is there for the one child while the wife goes to the gym, shopping, lunches with her girlfriends and pampering.

I was talking to him today and he even said to me, "Why did she bother having children when she is never with them!"...

I mean, as much as you go crazy here and there, I could not put my child in daycare if I was a sahm. I feel guilty shipping them off to grandma's one day on the weekend so I can clean because I work full time!

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Posted by Smileyd17

Its like that movie w/Scarlett Johanessen..."Nanny Diaries"


I do know some moms who do that but more on a p/t basis...just to run some errands.

That I know offhand is a lot easier to do...run errands without your DC.

But overall...yes weird!
Why bother having a child then?

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

I was a mother's helper for a SAHM with 2 kids during the summer. She did work for a few hours at her MIL's store, but mostly they would have me watch the kids so the mom could hang out by the beach with her friends. Or she would take 1 child and I would take the other.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

It's like in home daycare for someone who shouldn't need it and it's sad.

When I was in college, I was a personal assistant for a wealthy socialite int he city (think Elaine for Mr. Pitt and that was my life). She had several older children and an oops child who was only 2 or 3. This kid had a live in nanny, plus me helping out. I never saw this mother spend time with her child. Redecorating her apartment and house, entertaining guests and I guess just trying to be fabulous, were her priorities. God forbid she miss the auction at Sothebys for some ridiculous piece of junk to fill up another unused room in the place, to play her child. Her house was like a museum and she would just yell at her little girl for playing anywhere other than the kitchen and her room. I felt very bad for this little girl. Would she grow up thinking this was how you interact with a child--from a distance?

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

thats sad that some parents do not want to interact with thier kids...

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

I think it's just a different lifestyle. These are also the types of families that send their kids to boarding school when they are older.

Not right for my family, but perfectly acceptable among the Trump/Hilton/Bloombergs of the world.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

I think it is different. Many SAHMs with kids in daycare may do it so their children become socialized, and get used to other children. Having a nanny as a SAHM is more for convenience I think.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

I think most of those women just have kids to say that they have kids. It is sad and I feel horrible for their DC.

That being said - I am a SAHM and when Jack turns 18 months I will send him to a daycare for two mornings a week so that he can socialize with other little ones.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

I worked in a daycare center a while ago and during a school vacation week we had less kids because some of the parents were teachers.

One dadwho is a teacher dropped his son off at 9 in the morning. His son was obviously not feeling well when he dropped him to us. A half hour later the kid had explosive diarrhea and was throwing up. We called the dad and he was at home. He seemed annoyed that he had to come and get his son.

I just kept thinking to myself, if you're off from work why wouldn't you want your kid home with you, especially when he's not feeling well. It drove me nuts!

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

I know that there are days I call in sick to work and send Cailen to daycare so I can catch up on errands, clean the house, etc - its not all the time, but definnitely needed once in a while!

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

I'm definitely in the minority here but I don't see anything terribly wrong with this. There is one X factor missing here and that is how many hours the husband works. There is a big difference, imo, between the husband who has a 40 hour a week job and one that has say 80. At 6 o'clock, when other moms are thrusting their children into the arms of their husband walking through the door, a lot of these women with big law husbands and IB husbands are gearing up for a "second shift"- another 8 hours.
It can be exhausting on her, in addition to taxing on her relationship with her child and husband.

I think in these types of marriages, if they can afford it, it isn't wrong to "outsource" a little, for lack of a better word. It is important for everyone to have an hour or two to herself in the day to socialize, run errands, see friends, volunteer or even hit the gym and just well, be human. If it can help someones marriage and make someone a better wife, mother, and human being, I'm all for it.

eta: It's sad but sometimes these nannies function as the second parent, instead of the father.

Message edited 2/19/2008 6:40:59 PM.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

IMO though - I don't see most of these mothers as the type who are REALLY motherly and exhausted because they do too much bc their husbands work all the time.

I get that they have the money to hire someone to live in 24/7 - but that does not mean that the hired help should be the main caretaker for the children. I see these moms as having kids more as accessories.

I don't really even know anyone like this - In my head I have this fictional character who lives in a huge mansion in Brookville - with a full time live in nanny - so that they can go shopping with their friends - while the nannies dress, bath, teach, play, feed, shop for the kids. They make dinner for the family - while the mom is out and about. Again - this is the type of mom I am talking about - and, I personally don't know anyone like this.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

I am a SAHM but have a nanny come for about 3 hours on Mondays (some weeks she comes for longer or for another day, but most weeks it's one day for 3 hours) - I don't see anything wrong with it....I use the time to do things like pick up dry cleaning, shop, and do things for myself like pedicures....my husband works long hours and is often gone at night and I need the time to myself. We can afford it and it's probably much cheaper than a psychiatrist LOL

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Message edited 2/19/2008 8:15:34 PM.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare

Well, obviously there is something wrong with any parent that spends almost no time with their children and doesn't want to, but I don't see anything wrong with a SAHM who has their child in daycare or who has a nanny. I see nothing wrong with it at all. Why is it assumed that if a woman is a SAHM, then that's all she's allowed to be? For example, what if, before having children, a woman was an avid volunteer? That's not a paying job, but what if it was something that helped her feel complete as a person and she still wanted to do that after having children? What if she had a hobby that she wanted to continue doing because it was part of who she was? Hell, what if she just wanted to socialize as an adult just because she's still human and has the right to do so? I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. You can't lump together SAHMs who don't care about spending time with their children with SAHMs who still have a life besides their children. They are two totally different things, IMO.

Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare