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ExpectingJoy
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 751 total posts
Name:
Cari
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by prncss
Well, obviously there is something wrong with any parent that spends almost no time with their children and doesn't want to, but I don't see anything wrong with a SAHM who has their child in daycare or who has a nanny. I see nothing wrong with it at all. Why is it assumed that if a woman is a SAHM, then that's all she's allowed to be? For example, what if, before having children, a woman was an avid volunteer? That's not a paying job, but what if it was something that helped her feel complete as a person and she still wanted to do that after having children? What if she had a hobby that she wanted to continue doing because it was part of who she was? Hell, what if she just wanted to socialize as an adult just because she's still human and has the right to do so? I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. You can't lump together SAHMs who don't care about spending time with their children with SAHMs who still have a life besides their children. They are two totally different things, IMO.
ITA. Also, for vacations I think all bets are off. DH and I are always faced with the question: Is this going to be a family vacation or us alone vacation? (anyone with kids knows there is a major difference). By taking a nanny along, there is a way to split up time so that everyone enjoys themselves. At least with a nanny accompanying the parents, they are not completely leaving their children at home. Sure, the nanny might be with the child/children at the pool while the parents play tennis or visit the spa, but at another point in the day, their might be another family activity. Also, some parents are squeamish about the idea of a sitter from the hotel or the kids camps and vacations these days are a precious commodity that also gives the spouses time to reconnect and rejuvenate. I do think we are all in agreement though about those extreme and unfortunate cases of people who neglect their children and completely outsource the raising their children. That is horrible.
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Posted 2/19/08 9:15 PM  |
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by jules
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Just curious - I also think its baffling, but growing up in the city, there were many moms who were SAHM, were very wealthy, and had a FT nanny who cared for their kids while they were in the house as well.
Do you think thats different than sending a child to daycare?
of course it is different from daycare. I think they are two totally different things. The only thing they have in common is that there is an alternate caregiver, than the mother that is.
I don't see the difference. I'm not suggesting it is right or wrong, but I think it is pretty much the same thing if you drop your kid off at day care for a few hours or have a nanny come to you for a few hours (or the whole day for that matter).
Thank you - I didn't want to approach this and sound like I was defending my own post, but I also feel tis the same thing...
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:19 PM |
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landj
After 4 years, 1000 posts!
Member since 7/06 1124 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by jules
Posted by ArmyOfBabies
I just kept thinking to myself, if you're off from work why wouldn't you want your kid home with you, especially when he's not feeling well. It drove me nuts!
sickness aside, I think that sending your DC to daycare, even though you are off it totally understandable.
I think that ALL parents need a day to themselves. And if they get a day off from work to either spend some quality time with their spouse or a day of pampering themselves i think that is great. I don't see hows it is any different then hiring a babysitter having a relative watch your DC for you while you have the day to do as you please
I agree completely. People who work full time still need some downtime on their days off if they can get it.
I do have to say this original quote upsets me. I work in a school and have off this week. I am sending my DS to daycare 3 days this week. Patially because I am completely sleep-deprived and partially because I need to get things done (my house is a mess, I need to run errands, etc.). My DS loves being in daycare and it is a fun experience for him.
I love my son with all my heart and enjoy every minute we spend together. However, I do not get much "me" time and the lack of sleep factor (DS is getting 3 teeth at once and has been waking up continually throughout the night) has been rough. I think it's unfair to assume that just because you send your DC to daycare or have a nanny (while you are at home as well) that you are somehow a bad parent or do not care about spending time with your children.
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:19 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by jules
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Just curious - I also think its baffling, but growing up in the city, there were many moms who were SAHM, were very wealthy, and had a FT nanny who cared for their kids while they were in the house as well.
Do you think thats different than sending a child to daycare?
of course it is different from daycare. I think they are two totally different things. The only thing they have in common is that there is an alternate caregiver, than the mother that is.
I don't see the difference. I'm not suggesting it is right or wrong, but I think it is pretty much the same thing if you drop your kid off at day care for a few hours or have a nanny come to you for a few hours (or the whole day for that matter).
having a caregiver come to your house is completely different than a professional daycare center. Aside from the complete difference in environment. There is the socialization that comes with a daycare and there is the formal activity schedules that daycare follows. When a "nanny" comes into a home the expectations can be completely different. They are in the childs home, playing with the childs toys. With a nanny it is usually 1:1 attention given to the child. At most there are a few sibs, if that. In a daycare a child usually has anywhere from 6-8 other children in a class with 2-3 "teachers". In a daycare there is formal teaching skills going on, on a daily basis. A nanny COULD be doing the same but usually it is a much more relaxed, free flowing kinda thing.
In all honestly they are really completely different and can't be compared at all
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:20 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by jules
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Just curious - I also think its baffling, but growing up in the city, there were many moms who were SAHM, were very wealthy, and had a FT nanny who cared for their kids while they were in the house as well.
Do you think thats different than sending a child to daycare?
of course it is different from daycare. I think they are two totally different things. The only thing they have in common is that there is an alternate caregiver, than the mother that is.
I don't see the difference. I'm not suggesting it is right or wrong, but I think it is pretty much the same thing if you drop your kid off at day care for a few hours or have a nanny come to you for a few hours (or the whole day for that matter).
Thank you - I didn't want to approach this and sound like I was defending my own post, but I also feel tis the same thing...
how are they the same???
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:22 PM |
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by jules
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by jules
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Just curious - I also think its baffling, but growing up in the city, there were many moms who were SAHM, were very wealthy, and had a FT nanny who cared for their kids while they were in the house as well.
Do you think thats different than sending a child to daycare?
of course it is different from daycare. I think they are two totally different things. The only thing they have in common is that there is an alternate caregiver, than the mother that is.
I don't see the difference. I'm not suggesting it is right or wrong, but I think it is pretty much the same thing if you drop your kid off at day care for a few hours or have a nanny come to you for a few hours (or the whole day for that matter).
Thank you - I didn't want to approach this and sound like I was defending my own post, but I also feel tis the same thing...
how are they the same???
Both are providing care away from the parent...
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:24 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by lipglossjunky73
how are they the same???
Both are providing care away from the parent...
yea, that is the only real commonality.
I have to say that hardly makes them the same.
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:26 PM |
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by jules
Posted by lipglossjunky73
how are they the same???
Both are providing care away from the parent...
yea, that is the only real commonality.
I have to say that hardly makes them the same.
OK, you don't have to agree with me  
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:28 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by jules
Posted by lipglossjunky73
how are they the same???
Both are providing care away from the parent...
yea, that is the only real commonality.
I have to say that hardly makes them the same.
OK, you don't have to agree with me
not trying to be argumentative, I guess i just can't see it.
We are both female, we aren't the same.
I see, yes, care is given by someone other than a parent. But the two are completely different scenarios/environments, completely different kind of care is provided.
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:31 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Posted by jules
Posted by lipglossjunky73
how are they the same???
Both are providing care away from the parent...
yea, that is the only real commonality.
I have to say that hardly makes them the same.
OK, you don't have to agree with me
I think there is a difference in what we are talking about though.
If you drop your kid off at daycare - or if you have have a nanny come to your house - yes - they are similar ways of providing care.
But, I believe the original post was more about SAHM wealthy moms who have 24/7 live in nannies who basically tend to EVERY need of the child. Not just for a few hours every day -- but do EVERYTHING for the child. That, to me - is completely different then dropping a child off at daycare.
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:32 PM |
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Its more the reason for the care vs the nanny vs daycare - I'm talking about the ones that do it so they can still do the things they did without being bothered with caring for their children...
I'm not talking about the hard working people like us who sincerely need a break because we never take one. I'm talking about the people who, really, their entire lives are breaks. And trust me, I have experienced this first hand!!!
Message edited 2/20/2008 6:43:43 AM.
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:34 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
gotcha. I guess I read the first part of the post, got to the question and then stopped.
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| Posted 2/19/08 9:57 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Real wealthy people do not live like any of us so we cannot compare our lives to them.
I think it's none of my business to judge why someone should/would not spend their time with their DC even if they never work.
I think most of us working or SAHM like to spend as much time as possible with DC but like a few hours of free time for our sanity.
Why would wealthy moms have a full time nanny instead of interacting with their child? Most of them have been raised that way and in a World of support system (cook, gardener, cleaning person, etc...). Their lives revolve around maintaining themself and be by their husband side. Organizing parties, be the trophy wife, networking with other rich people, etc. My life has nothing to do with theirs.
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| Posted 2/19/08 10:12 PM |
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by smdl
Real wealthy people do not live like any of us so we cannot compare our lives to them.
I think it's none of my business to judge why someone should/would not spend their time with their DC even if they never work.
I think most of us working or SAHM like to spend as much time as possible with DC but like a few hours of free time for our sanity.
Why would wealthy moms have a full time nanny instead of interacting with their child? Most of them have been raised that way and in a World of support system (cook, gardener, cleaning person, etc...). Their lives revolve around maintaining themself and be by their husband side. Organizing parties, be the trophy wife, networking with other rich people, etc. My life has nothing to do with theirs.
I know - its so hard to keep up my trophy wife appearance lately! Could be the poop under my nails, or the snot rubbed into my pajama pants...
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| Posted 2/20/08 6:45 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
The only similarity is that it is someone else watching your child/children. I think it ends there.
I know people say to each their own, but I think its horrendous that someone would have children and hire outside help to be with them ALL THE TIME while they sit and relax. Or shop. Or whatever.
I can totally understand PT help or occasional...we all need time to get out and de-stress. But why have children if the responsibility is going to be passed solely onto someone else?? It doesn't make sense. Like OP said...because that is what people "do"..get married, have kids...but I hate that mentality.
Friends of my friend are like this...she tells me how the nanny is basically the childs mother...the mom doesn't want too much involvement and to do the "hard" stuff like changing diapers, feeding etc...really sad to me.
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| Posted 2/20/08 7:06 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
I am a SAHM and I do have someone come in 2-3 days per week for like 3 hours to watch Ella while I go on errands, go to the gym, etc. I would never put Ella in daycare full time while I am home not working but on the other hand I will not judge any one who choose to do that.
Each family should do whatever works for them. To each his own.
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| Posted 2/20/08 7:22 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by smdl
Real wealthy people do not live like any of us so we cannot compare our lives to them.
I think it's none of my business to judge why someone should/would not spend their time with their DC even if they never work.
I think most of us working or SAHM like to spend as much time as possible with DC but like a few hours of free time for our sanity.
Why would wealthy moms have a full time nanny instead of interacting with their child? Most of them have been raised that way and in a World of support system (cook, gardener, cleaning person, etc...). Their lives revolve around maintaining themself and be by their husband side. Organizing parties, be the trophy wife, networking with other rich people, etc. My life has nothing to do with theirs.
ITA!!!
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| Posted 2/20/08 7:23 AM |
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MrsR
My love.
Member since 5/05 6247 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by prncss
Well, obviously there is something wrong with any parent that spends almost no time with their children and doesn't want to, but I don't see anything wrong with a SAHM who has their child in daycare or who has a nanny. I see nothing wrong with it at all. Why is it assumed that if a woman is a SAHM, then that's all she's allowed to be? For example, what if, before having children, a woman was an avid volunteer? That's not a paying job, but what if it was something that helped her feel complete as a person and she still wanted to do that after having children? What if she had a hobby that she wanted to continue doing because it was part of who she was? Hell, what if she just wanted to socialize as an adult just because she's still human and has the right to do so? I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. You can't lump together SAHMs who don't care about spending time with their children with SAHMs who still have a life besides their children. They are two totally different things, IMO.
Rachel I totally agree with this! Very well stated!!
I love my daughter - more than anything in the world...and love spending time with her.
But I also love the three hours a day I have to run errands (Without a screaming toddler!!) and go to the gym and fold laundry, I get more done in those three hours than the rest of the week combined.
As a SAHM I have other responsibilities besides just watching my daughter. I need time for those things as well - and let's face it...she is better off learning and socializing than me schlepping her around the grocery store or mall.
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| Posted 2/20/08 8:08 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
Posted by GaryElla
I am a SAHM and I do have someone come in 2-3 days per week for like 3 hours to watch Ella while I go on errands, go to the gym, etc. I would never put Ella in daycare full time while I am home not working but on the other hand I will not judge any one who choose to do that.
Each family should do whatever works for them. To each his own.
I think thats a good thing - if I could, I would totally have someone watch Cailen a few hours a few days a week so I can get things done!!!!
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| Posted 2/20/08 8:28 AM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
I used to be a full time nanny in the city for 3 years , working for a SAH mom and her husband. I started when the kid was 6 months old, and I did everything for him and I mean everything , his first word was my name and I tought him all that he know starting with shapes and colors ending with thank you and please, mom was "home " but not really home, she went shopping, did her hair , nails, went to the spa, spent time with frinds and god knows what else the only time I saw her around was 10 minutes before her husband got home , pretending that she was a wonderful mother, even when she was home she barely spoke to her child. she didn't even want to take her kid to classes , I used to bring the child to her at momy and me class or music and thn pick him up. as the child got older, they hired someone else from 5pm to 9pm and someone else on the weekends and once the kid was 3 they had another baby and I was shoked when I found out that she was prego, I always felt that she didn't deserve kids and was an unfit mother. b/c she NEVER TOOK CARE OF THEM AND NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR THEM, but buy them nice things. I always thought that if you can't be take care of your children , don't have any, by this I mean someone like the woman above (which is very common in NYC) , not everybody, b/c I know some women have to work or not work but still have little help around few hours a day and I understand that being a mom and all , I just don't understand how you can let someone else take care of your child full time if you can afford to stay home and take care of them yourself.
Message edited 2/20/2008 9:40:50 AM.
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| Posted 2/20/08 9:35 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
I was thinking about this last night, specifically what ExpectingJoy said. And she is right. I don't think every SAHM who has full time help doesn't spend time with their kids. Some families have 2 kids and depending on their ages and personalities, it can be difficult for 1 parent to handle them all day.
Rachel really summed it up best.
Posted by prncss
Well, obviously there is something wrong with any parent that spends almost no time with their children and doesn't want to, but I don't see anything wrong with a SAHM who has their child in daycare or who has a nanny. I see nothing wrong with it at all. Why is it assumed that if a woman is a SAHM, then that's all she's allowed to be?
My sister is a SAHM with (now) 2 children and has a part time nanny (mine, we share her). When we started the arrangement, she only had 1 child, but needed some time to herself. Her DH works long hours and travels about 1 week every 6 weeks.
My sister is the most devoted mother. Her 2 year old is always engaged either in an activity outside the house (museums, park, playground), classes (ballet, music, arts and crafts) or my sister is engaging her at home. Now that she has 2, she will try to spend quality time with one while the babysitter watches the other. Or go to the doctor, a run, or to run errends while her 2 year old is in pre-school. What is wrong with that?
We were just talking on Monday that if she would have a 3rd, she would need full time help. I know she would not often leave the nanny with 3 kids, but I think with 3 (and sometimes even 2), you need an extra set of hands.
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| Posted 2/20/08 9:57 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Spinoff to "SAHM " with DC in daycare
I work part time and have no help, but in a perfect world I would love a housekeeper. I don't really need someone to take care of my DS, but I would love someon to take care of my house. I hate cleaning! And if she was already there, I can't lie, I would definitely leave for a few hours to do my own thing- not every day of course, but sometimes.
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| Posted 2/20/08 10:04 AM |
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