moonmist09
Thank you, St. Gerard!
Member since 2/11 5043 total posts
Name:
Antonella
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Re: Spinoff to surprise shower question - am I a psycho?
Honestly, I really feel for you. Probably because I am going through something so similar myself.
Months ago when I first let everyone know I was pregnant, my mother asked me if I wanted a baby shower. i told her I did. (Baby showers are not the norm, nor were they given to either or DH's sisters or any other female relative in DH's family). She asked if this would be a problem with DH's family and I let her know that while they won't throw them for someone, they will happily attend.
let me backtrack to my Bridal shower for a moment here for some background info. It was a disaster. When I planned my sister's bridal shower (she married before me) I made sure everything was in place MONTHS before her wedding. Her bridal shower was 2 months before her wedding and literally all anyone had to do the day of the shower was show up. It was, not in just my opinion, a great success  (not to toot my own horn)
When it came time to them to plan my shower, both my mother and sister were a complete mess. They neglected to contact my MIL and DH's side of the family. They waited till the last possible minute to even start planning the whole thing. No one knew I was even having a shower - to the point that all of Dh's relatives kept asking my MIL when the shower would be and she couldn't give them any info. She actually told DH that if I didn't have a shwoer soon, she would throw one for me for her side of the family. (This was 6 weeks before my wedding, and bridal shower invites hadn't even gone out yet) Eventually, i guess when they got around to it, they planned the shower 4 weeks before my wedding - while i was trying to set up a new house and get everything finalized with all of my vendors just a couple of weeks before the wedding. It was pure chaos. The original location of the shower burned down and they had to find another one - literally, a MESS. Dh was so upset because of the stress they were putting me through and I honestly feel like my mother and sister didn't get it and just carried on as if everything was fine. 
Now my baby shower rolls around. I told them I didn't want to be surprised to avoid the fiasco of last time. They agreed, but again, tried to keep everything from me. I explicitly let them know that the shower would have to be before the holidays, as I would never impose on others to shell out more money for gifts for me when they have their own families to think of. January is out because of other personal obligations DH & I already had. My mother decided to go on vacation for 3 weeks (she had planned this before she even knew i was pregnant) which is fine, but knowing this, and knowing the shower would have to be held before December, they did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. this upsets me so much that honestly i am very bitter about it. DH is really upset about this as well. My sister keeps getting awesome parties thrown for her because i plan them, but honestly, i get the short end of the stick all the time. This is not the first time this has happened and DH sees it, so does his family. Its not like I'm making this up.
So, when she came back in the end of October (right before Hurricane Sandy) NOTHING was planned. I kept asking her about this shower and she had nothing to say. My mom and dad live in a 1 bedroom apartment. She was like, we'll just do it here. Idon't see how she could even logically believe this would work out as the apt. is so small and we are talking about hosting a party for over 60+ people! there isn't enough room for 20, let alone more than 60. Even DH was like, where will you seat everyone? And where would you even put the food? My sister came up with the bright  idea of removing all the furniture (don't know how this is possible)  and having everyone stand for 4 hours throughout the shower.  The majority of the people coming would be coming from DH's side of the family. Of those people, more than ½ of them are older and can not be left to stand for 4 hours. They just are not in that good enough of health to be expected to do that and I would never allow this. Honestly, the agrravation became too much, Dh became really upset again so the next day I called my mom and told her to just stop allplanning, I don't need a shower.
Sorry my post ended up being so long - but to answer your post - do not pay for your own shower. like you said, you can use that money and buy your baby the thiings it will need. I would be supremely upset if my sister/mom decided to throw me my baby shower IN MY OWN HOME without telling or even discussing this with my DH! the fact that they were planning this at all and hadn't even spoken with him yet is absurd. What if DH said no?, KWIM? its just not done. At least as permission before you go ahead with planning - and if its not supposed to be a surprise at all, they should have asked you as well.
I don't think that with your aunt passing away, this it the best time to talk to your family about this, so i would wait a few weeks to bring it back up (i'm so sorry for your loss, btw) but if things continue in this direction, I wouldn't blame you for canceling the party altogether.
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