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Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!
Member since 5/08 9818 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Since a lot of people told the OP to tell her SIL the truth (I answered to lie - say you just forgot them)...
What do you consider situations that warrant a white lie?
eta: These are situations that I have seen in the past, not necessarily what I do. FTR - I've definitely done the first, haven't done the second one but I see enough people post about it.
Telling a friend she doesn't look fat in those pants
Telling your DH you spent $75 at Target when you really spent $100.
So aside from these two - when do you think it's OK to lie?
Message edited 11/25/2008 4:26:40 PM.
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Posted 11/25/08 3:06 PM  |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
I have a hard time telling the truth when I know it will hurt the person's feelings. I can't tell a person that they look ugly or fat - especially if they are nice and mean well. I just feel bad - what will saying that do? There are ways around it too without making it like you think they look good.
Also, I will either avoid or lie when I know telling the truth will do NO good and nothing will change because of me telling the truth. I have two family members - we have never, ever been close. They are negative, mean, miserable, and overall - SO hurtful to everyone, all the time. What GOOD is it going to do for me to tell them this? They are aware of it AND they will NEVER change. So, I'm wasting both my time and energy. I just avoid them and become closer with those that WANT to be around me, those who are friendly, optomistic, and happy.
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| Posted 11/25/08 3:11 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Eh, if it is a friend and we're trying on clothes, I would bring another pair and say "maybe these would be more flattering..." Even if it's an outfit she's already wearing (if she's at home), I suggest another more flattering outfit. I would never lie to DH about how much I spend. I work and bring in money, so I don't see how he can complain. 
Message edited 11/25/2008 3:34:50 PM.
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| Posted 11/25/08 3:34 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
I think when it is kind of harmless it is ok to tell a white lie. Like, if my SIL DID find out I didn't want to lend her the books b/c it was a nice set and I didn't know when I'd get back, it wouldn't be the end of the world, KWIM?
I think that money issues are kind of always bigger than that (the Target scenario you posted) b/c it will bite you in the butt...
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| Posted 11/25/08 3:37 PM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Ordinarily I would probably tell the truth, about the books situation, but in this case, she is traveling for the holiday weekend to have that conversation before Thanksgiving dinner, well, may be uncomfortable if the sister doesn't react well.
If it were just a regular visit, I would tell her that although I would love to lend her the books, in the past, she has not been prompt in returning them. SOmetimes it doesn't matter, but in this case it does.
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| Posted 11/25/08 3:38 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
I consider both lying.
I wouldn't tell my friend she looked good in pants she didn't. I'd tell her I think she looks better in the other pants.
I wouldn't lie about money I spent either. I work & contribute to the household & I don't think it's necessary to lie about it.
That's not to say I haven't lied before but both scenarios you've listed aren't white lies to me.
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| Posted 11/25/08 4:07 PM |
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dono426
LIF Infant
Member since 1/08 89 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
DaniRella Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Also, I will either avoid or lie when I know telling the truth will do NO good and nothing will change because of me telling the truth. I have two family members - we have never, ever been close. They are negative, mean, miserable, and overall - SO hurtful to everyone, all the time. What GOOD is it going to do for me to tell them this? They are aware of it AND they will NEVER change. So, I'm wasting both my time and energy. I just avoid them and become closer with those that WANT to be around me, those who are friendly, optomistic, and happy.
wow a little of topic...????
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| Posted 11/26/08 2:56 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
a white lie is something I use to save someone from getting their feelings hurt
ie:
"no, you don't look fat in those pants"
vs
"honey I bought this bag for only $100" (when it was really $200)
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| Posted 11/26/08 2:59 PM |
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KarenG2003
My BIG man and my little man!
Member since 4/08 1684 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by dono426
DaniRella Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Also, I will either avoid or lie when I know telling the truth will do NO good and nothing will change because of me telling the truth. I have two family members - we have never, ever been close. They are negative, mean, miserable, and overall - SO hurtful to everyone, all the time. What GOOD is it going to do for me to tell them this? They are aware of it AND they will NEVER change. So, I'm wasting both my time and energy. I just avoid them and become closer with those that WANT to be around me, those who are friendly, optomistic, and happy.
wow a little of topic...????
Was that necessary? 
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| Posted 11/26/08 3:14 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
To keep the peace.....
Like for Kate with her book. I responded guessing that telling SIL the truth would have created some drama. So I told her to say she forgot the book..
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| Posted 11/26/08 3:31 PM |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
I would usually only tell a white lie in a case where the outcome in the end would be a good thing....like lying about a surprise party or a gift or something along those lines. I'm not a good liar...I couldn't ever lie to DH about how much I've spent on something (especially since he'd easily be able to find out the truth anyway )
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| Posted 11/26/08 3:54 PM |
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dono426
LIF Infant
Member since 1/08 89 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
just didn't know where all that anger came from that's all. just felt it was a little over board.
is that ok with you?
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| Posted 11/28/08 11:51 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by dono426
just didn't know where all that anger came from that's all. just felt it was a little over board.
is that ok with you?
That's me - you'll have to get used to my style of posting... long-winded and I like to write a lot. If you don't like it - don't read it.
And no, IMO, it was not off-topic at all. The OP asked if anyone feels that lying is ever "OK" depending on the situation. The two cases I stated were the first situations to come to mind. Furthermore, if you were related to them - you'd understand. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes or have had to deal with the hurtful things they do - you have no place to tell me that I cannot call something exactly what it is. There really is no "anger" - it is REALITY. It is the truth and I told it.
Message edited 11/28/2008 2:31:33 PM.
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| Posted 11/28/08 2:31 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by DaniRella
Posted by dono426
just didn't know where all that anger came from that's all. just felt it was a little over board.
is that ok with you?
That's me - you'll have to get used to my style of posting... long-winded and I like to write a lot. If you don't like it - don't read it.
And no, IMO, it was not off-topic at all. The OP asked if anyone feels that lying is ever "OK" depending on the situation. The two cases I stated were the first situations to come to mind. Furthermore, if you were related to them - you'd understand. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes or have had to deal with the hurtful things they do - you have no place to tell me that I cannot call something exactly what it is. There really is no "anger" - it is REALITY. It is the truth and I told it.
i agree - i don't think it was off-topic at all. it was just a small tangent, and it's not like that's never happened before 
should we consider dono426 to be the new board police?  
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| Posted 11/28/08 2:35 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by headoverheels
i agree - i don't think it was off-topic at all. it was just a small tangent, and it's not like that's never happened before
should we consider dono426 to be the new board police?
you are so right, especially from me - i am the QUEEN of tangents and long-winded posts... ask melissa, she always teases me about it. but, i'm the FIRST to admit it. 
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| Posted 11/28/08 2:38 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by DaniRella
Posted by headoverheels
i agree - i don't think it was off-topic at all. it was just a small tangent, and it's not like that's never happened before
should we consider dono426 to be the new board police?
you are so right, especially from me - i am the QUEEN of tangents and long-winded posts... ask melissa, she always teases me about it. but, i'm the FIRST to admit it.
i don't think you're the only guilty one 
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| Posted 11/28/08 2:55 PM |
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
I lied a lot to DH when we were planning his surprise party. But it was all little things like saying I worked late when I went out to buy party supplies. Or saying someone else called when it was a friend asking about the party.
So stuff like that is totally okay.
With the friend trying on clothes, it depends on the friend. Some people I'm close enough to tell the truth. Others, I would not if I did not know how they would take it
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| Posted 11/28/08 3:12 PM |
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dono426
LIF Infant
Member since 1/08 89 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
wow take it easy ladies... I never said you couldn't speak your mind (just like i was speaking mine) i just thought it sounded off topic. Sounds like this is a sensative topic for you...sux that you have such horrible family members. You sound so scarred. Anyway, I will get used to your long winded posts if you can get used to my sarcasim - because that's just who I am.
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| Posted 11/28/08 10:24 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
friends pants- would probably try and steer her to a different pair in the store......
spending $100 at Target...... well dh trusts me, i spent $100 then i needed to spend it- its BOTH our money so he wouldnt be upset anyways......
white lies- sometimes if you get an invite and you dont want to hurt their feelings- saying you already have plans somewhere else makes things easier...... i dont want the person to avoid inviting me to things in the future as i might end up going, so i cant just say no without a reason- eso its better to make up one
Message edited 11/28/2008 10:50:39 PM.
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| Posted 11/28/08 10:46 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by dono426
wow take it easy ladies... I never said you couldn't speak your mind (just like i was speaking mine) i just thought it sounded off topic. Sounds like this is a sensative topic for you...sux that you have such horrible family members. You sound so scarred. Anyway, I will get used to your long winded posts if you can get used to my sarcasim - because that's just who I am.
It is funny you take issue w/ me mentioning family members who have been extremely hurtful and cruel to me (and my siblings) when you made an entire thread bashing your SIL. I just mentioned it in one post when a topic reminded me of the situation. That's interesting... Hypercritical much?? See, I can be sarcastic too
Linky -Sounds like that was a sensitive topic for you - you sound so scarred.  Lets just call it even - if you can vent about your family issues - so can I w/o having to answer to the new board police!
Message edited 11/29/2008 5:30:24 PM.
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| Posted 11/29/08 5:17 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Um. are you two SILs?
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| Posted 11/29/08 6:58 PM |
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dono426
LIF Infant
Member since 1/08 89 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by DaniRella
Posted by dono426
wow take it easy ladies... I never said you couldn't speak your mind (just like i was speaking mine) i just thought it sounded off topic. Sounds like this is a sensative topic for you...sux that you have such horrible family members. You sound so scarred. Anyway, I will get used to your long winded posts if you can get used to my sarcasim - because that's just who I am.
It is funny you take issue w/ me mentioning family members who have been extremely hurtful and cruel to me (and my siblings) when you made an entire thread bashing your SIL. I just mentioned it in one post when a topic reminded me of the situation. That's interesting... Hypercritical much?? See, I can be sarcastic too
Linky -Sounds like that was a sensitive topic for you - you sound so scarred. Lets just call it even - if you can vent about your family issues - so can I w/o having to answer to the new board police!
Really? A whole thread about my SIL it was barely 3 lines about a related issue. Sorry I hit a hot button issue for you but really we are all adults and all have dealt with family members who we can do without. Since you brought up the board police like you I can be a board detective too and this isnt your first issue with your horrible family members.
This is way too much immature drama and now I remember why I dont come on these boards.
Message edited 11/29/2008 11:44:02 PM.
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| Posted 11/29/08 11:40 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by dono426
Really? A whole thread about my SIL it was barely 3 lines about a related issue. Sorry I hit a hot button issue for you but really we are all adults and all have dealt with family members who we can do without. Since you brought up the board police like you I can be a board detective too and this isnt your first issue with your horrible family members.
This is way too much immature drama and now I remember why I dont come on these boards.
for someone who isn't them or doesn't know them you seem to really be taking this personal!
hmmmmmm
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| Posted 11/30/08 1:01 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by nrthshgrl
Um. are you two SILs?
No, definitely not!
But it is totally strange how personal this person is taking this - leads me to wonder!
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| Posted 11/30/08 1:02 AM |
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dono426
LIF Infant
Member since 1/08 89 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to WWYD about the Twilight post...
Posted by nrthshgrl
Um. are you two SILs?
No we are not SIL Thank GOD!
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| Posted 11/30/08 9:37 AM |
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