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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
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WWYD-sensitive post
So i spoke to one of my friends today and she thinks she may be preggo. AF was due since the 24th and no where in sight. So I ask her what she was goign to do-she said there was no way she could keep the baby so she was going to terminate. She has a son who is going to be one soon and I know money is tight. Also it doesnt sound like if she is that shes goign to tell her DH.
I guess I understand where she is coming from-I personally couldnt do it. I even asked DH what he would do if we were ever in that situation-he said truthfully he could never get over it if we had an abortion-he looks at abortion in a whole new way after having our own kids. So with that said would you tell your husband-I am pretty sure she is goign to have an abortion but not sure if shes goign to let her husband know.Shes scared he wont understand I guess.
ETA: I coulndt. I 'd spill th beans as soon as I was late.
Message edited 1/30/2008 7:44:23 PM.
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Posted 1/30/08 7:40 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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nbc188
Best friends!
Member since 12/06 23090 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
IMO, she should DEFINITELY tell her husband. They're in a committed, trusting relationship, and I can't help but feel like she'd be deceiving him. It sounds like he would care what she did if she doesn't plan on telling him. They made the child together, they should at least discuss the situation and look at the options TOGETHER.
No matter the stance on the larger issue, I just feel it would be wrong to not let her husband be involved in the thought process & decisions. But who am I to judge?
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| Posted 1/30/08 7:43 PM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
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Mel
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I would tell my DH, I couldn't keep something that that a secret from him, and if he was to find out he would be very upset. I'm not one for abortion either is DH so I know I would keep the baby, but if I we were really in a tight situation with money, I would talk to my DH about it and then take the next step.
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| Posted 1/30/08 7:44 PM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
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Tina
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Wow. Myself i honestly couldnt keep something like that from my DH. Thats alot to hold on your shoulders by yourself.
My mother wanted to abort me when she was prego, but my father convinced her not too. So i guess im bias on my opinion on abortion.
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| Posted 1/30/08 7:44 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by BabySammie
Wow. Myself i honestly couldnt keep something like that from my DH. Thats alot to hold on your shoulders by yourself.
My mother wanted to abort me when she was prego, but my father convinced her not too. So i guess im bias on my opinion on abortion.
 see thats what I am talking about. Money is the only reason she would abort-she already regrets the first she had years ago.
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| Posted 1/30/08 7:46 PM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
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Kelly
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by nbc188
IMO, she should DEFINITELY tell her husband. They're in a committed, trusting relationship, and I can't help but feel like she'd be deceiving him. It sounds like he would care what she did if she doesn't plan on telling him. They made the child together, they should at least discuss the situation and look at the options TOGETHER.
No matter the stance on the larger issue, I just feel it would be wrong to not let her husband be involved in the thought process & decisions. But who am I to judge?
ITA!!
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| Posted 1/30/08 7:47 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Message edited 11/16/2011 7:46:22 PM.
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| Posted 1/30/08 7:49 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
did she test or she just didnt get AF yet? Maybe its late I mean you said it was due the 24th and it is only the 30th...Plus the last few months have had 31 days throwing off a few days...maybe shes not preggo???? she should test before telling or not telling her dh. Could I not tell??....I would have to tell.
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| Posted 1/30/08 7:50 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by PrincessP
did she test or she just didnt get AF yet? Maybe its late I mean you said it was due the 24th and it is only the 30th...Plus the last few months have had 31 days throwing off a few days...maybe shes not preggo???? she should test before telling or not telling her dh. Could I not tell??....I would have to tell.
She has other symptoms too but is a big chicken to test. Shes in denial I think. I hope shes not for all their sakes.
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| Posted 1/30/08 7:53 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
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Stephanie
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
not telling her husband is inexcusible IMHO
he has a right to voice his opinion as well, although it is ultimately her body and her decision
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| Posted 1/30/08 7:56 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
It is WRONG WRONG WRONG not to tell her DH. I don't judge the abortion part but I do judge not telling DH. How can she live with herself breaking that trust her DH has in her?
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| Posted 1/30/08 8:05 PM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by monkeybride
It is WRONG WRONG WRONG not to tell her DH. I don't judge the abortion part but I do judge not telling DH. How can she live with herself breaking that trust her DH has in her?
ITA. It would do so much damage to our relationship. I just can't imagine keeping such a large secret.
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| Posted 1/30/08 8:09 PM |
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
As much as we are in dire straits with money - and we are - there is no way I could do that... Even when I discovered I was pregnant, DH was laid off and I was wondering how we would do this... its so hard but I would never trade Cailen for anything... And if I were to get pregnant again, I could never give that up...
and to go through something like that alone... forever... thats too heavy...
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| Posted 1/30/08 8:14 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
That's a huge secrect to keep - and she's going to be with him for possibly a lifetime (hers or his). She told you & now you've told your DH. That's 3 people holding a huge secret. I'm not saying you or DH will tell her DH, but right there too many people know.
Whether or not she should tell her DH isn't for anyone to judge. Ideally her DH would be on board with her decision, but that's not always the case. My feeling is ultimately it is her decision to make. We can go on & on about a husband's right, but it's all bs as far as the law is concerned.
No one knows exactly what goes on in her marriage behind closed doors - it could be anything from domestic abuse to she doesn't trust that he'll stay around & afraid of being alone with 2 babies.
Only the best wishes for your friend. Sometimes these things do have a way of working themselves out on their own.
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| Posted 1/30/08 8:18 PM |
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Disneygirl
Disney cruise bound!
Member since 5/05 8126 total posts
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D
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
This isn't like buying a pair of shoes and throwing away the receipt. I agree ultimately it is her decision but if she can't even bring herself to let him know what's going on then it sounds like her marriage is in trouble already.
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| Posted 1/30/08 8:21 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by sometimesmommy
So i spoke to one of my friends today and she thinks she may be preggo. AF was due since the 24th and no where in sight. So I ask her what she was goign to do-she said there was no way she could keep the baby so she was going to terminate. She has a son who is going to be one soon and I know money is tight. Also it doesnt sound like if she is that shes goign to tell her DH.
I guess I understand where she is coming from-I personally couldnt do it. I even asked DH what he would do if we were ever in that situation-he said truthfully he could never get over it if we had an abortion-he looks at abortion in a whole new way after having our own kids. So with that said would you tell your husband-I am pretty sure she is goign to have an abortion but not sure if shes goign to let her husband know.Shes scared he wont understand I guess.
ETA: I coulndt. I 'd spill th beans as soon as I was late.
ETA: I think because they are already struggling with their son she knows DH would say keep the baby but shes already stretched to the limit and ready to break so I think she feels he'll think with emotion rather than economics
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| Posted 1/30/08 8:51 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by sometimesmommy
ETA: I think because they are already struggling with their son she knows DH would say keep the baby but shes already stretched to the limit and ready to break so I think she feels he'll think with emotion rather than economics
Wow that is tough. Is adoption an option?
My friend adopted her child from a married couple with 3 kids. The DH would drop in & out of the poor family's life. After she got pregnant when she was post partum only a few months, she made a decision to put the baby up for adoption.
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| Posted 1/30/08 10:08 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I dont want to get into a discussion about abortion. I basically chose not have an opinion on it. But I feel that the DH has a right to know.
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| Posted 1/30/08 10:12 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
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Diana
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
First off - how in the world could she even think of NOT telling her husband?
And, I can't see haviing an abortion because of $$ reasons. You make things work when you have no choice. You will NEVEr have enough money IMO!
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| Posted 1/30/08 10:15 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Your friend is wrong for not wanting to tell her DH. IMO that is a HUGE decision and one they should make together. I would never be able to keep a secret like that from DH and if we were in an emotional and financial bind and pregnant I would want DH to be my biggest supporter whether we chose to keep the baby or not. Maybe her DH has some advice that can help them make a decision. Also not telling her DH will come back to bite her in the arse later. I can't see how someone could possibly keep a secret like that forever. If it comes out in the open later it could ruin their marriage.
Honestly your friend is probably feeling shocked and overwhelmed. In her situation its totally normal. She should first find out if she really is pregnant and then take it from there. She's jumping the gun and may make a decision she winds up regretting later.
I personally could never have an abortion or hold a pregnancy from DH. Suffering from years of IF makes you look at pregnancy in a totally different light. IMO every baby wanted or not is a blessing. \=
Message edited 1/30/2008 10:16:40 PM.
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| Posted 1/30/08 10:16 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I think her DH definitley should know. My DH would be pizzed if I never told him. That can cause a ton of problems in their relationship.
Can you encourage her to talk to her DH? Hopefully they can work something out.
 to your friend.
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| Posted 1/30/08 10:18 PM |
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KristinasMama
How did she turn 2 so quickly?
Member since 10/07 8257 total posts
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Blessed Mama of Kristina Elena
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
My friend just had this situation....
EXACTLY....
She had the abortion
and
didn't tell her DH...
I totally disagree with her.........
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| Posted 1/30/08 10:20 PM |
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ckone
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 3014 total posts
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
I could NEVER keep anything like that from DH regardless. This is a big situation and marriage is for better or for worse. I won't speak to the decison to keep or not. I just think that this is something that he needs to be involved in. I really hope that she can find the strength to tell hem either way (pregnant or not).
If I ever, my husband would leave me - hands down with no room for reconciliation. I would never let it get to that though.
Message edited 1/30/2008 10:35:14 PM.
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| Posted 1/30/08 10:33 PM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by Diana1215
First off - how in the world could she even think of NOT telling her husband?
And, I can't see haviing an abortion because of $$ reasons. You make things work when you have no choice. You will NEVEr have enough money IMO!
I completely agree. I hope everything works out for her.
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| Posted 1/30/08 10:40 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: WWYD-sensitive post
Posted by sometimesmommy
Posted by sometimesmommy
So i spoke to one of my friends today and she thinks she may be preggo. AF was due since the 24th and no where in sight. So I ask her what she was goign to do-she said there was no way she could keep the baby so she was going to terminate. She has a son who is going to be one soon and I know money is tight. Also it doesn't sound like if she is that shes goign to tell her DH.
I guess I understand where she is coming from-I personally couldn't do it. I even asked DH what he would do if we were ever in that situation-he said truthfully he could never get over it if we had an abortion-he looks at abortion in a whole new way after having our own kids. So with that said would you tell your husband-I am pretty sure she is going to have an abortion but not sure if shes going to let her husband know.Shes scared he wont understand I guess.
ETA: I coulndt. I 'd spill th beans as soon as I was late.
ETA: I think because they are already struggling with their son she knows DH would say keep the baby but shes already stretched to the limit and ready to break so I think she feels he'll think with emotion rather than economics
What about adoption? Seriously, Since I cannot have anymore biological children I know for a fact that DH and I would adopt her child in a nanosecond. Going out on a limb here but I am sure a lot of other folks on the Infertility and adoption boards would as well.
I cannot fathom keeping that from my DH or aborting a child. I cannot even wrap my brain around that. I do not want to get into a whole debate on pro-life vs. pro-choice here, this is just how I personally FEEL.
I know you have probably tried to talk to her, to tell her to talk her DH about it or give the baby up for adoption. I know she will do whatever she wants to. It is hard to convince someone to choose adoption if they feel that their pregnancy and baby growing inside of them is a big inconvenience be it financially or otherwise.
This is such a heart-wrenching situation. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type this. I have no words. I have no sympathy for your friend.
I am sorry that you are going through this with a friend that you care about. If it were me, I don't know if I would be able to be a good friend and listen to her tell me that she is aborting and not telling her DH JMHO 
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| Posted 1/30/08 10:49 PM |
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