Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

Are you too uncomfortable to have the conversation?

Do they have long term healthcare insurance?

I know I've been told that my parents will be "fine" and have enough if that day comes. The fact is as much as we've talked about wills & life insurance policies, my parents & I have never discussed debilating illness like Alzheimer's. I"m seeing first-hand what my grandmother's care costs.

When my grandmother was taking care of her great aunt, she offered me $60K to stay with her & take care of her because it was cheaper than a facility. It was more than I was making as a 25 year old than I realized it would be 24 hour care.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

my mom has long-term care insurance that she looked into after her first cancer diagnosis. DHs parents actually spit whenever we bring it up, like we are hexing them.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

Funny you post this, this is a big concern for me. My ILs do not seem to have anything formally planned or money asside for this. I have hinted a little to my DH about it, but I don't want it to come out wrong. But dealing with the costs is of concern.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

Unfortunately, we don't need to have this conversation

But to add my 2 cents.....I saw some of the bills from my mom's care when she was being treated for cancer and this was when my dad was working full time with benefits and had supplemental insurance. It is mind boggling how quickly those bills add up. Add to that the cost of an aide or healthcare worker coming to the house and it can really be some serious $$$.

It's a conversation everyone should have.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

I agree it's scary. Fortunately for my grandmother Medicare pays most of hers, and her insurance from when she retired covers the rest.

My ILs were both employees of NYC and have great long term care insurance. Thank god, they really don't get along well enough with either of their sons to live with them long term.

My father - no idea what his situation is. He's retired military so I'm hoping that there are benefits through the VA.

My mother doesn't have a lot saved, she pretty much lived paycheck to paycheck from when my parents divorced until very recently. I guess we'd have to sell her house and have her move in with us or with my brother.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

After the unexpected death at 47 y/o of my uncle in November my family (mom & dad) immediately took care of everything to make sure that they are taken care of and we are are taken care of God forbid something should happen.

Sometimes it takes an unfortunate event to take place to put the fire under the tookus for folks to plan ahead.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

My family is more open than DH's - my parents are fine. His parents do not have any formal arrangements, not even a will, and they have 7 kids - I am worried about it and when I talk to DH about it he gets defensive. My SILs and I worry about it though.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

my father is well prepared but i have my doubts about my ILs. MIL is too concerned about shopping than anything else and i think they live paycheck to paycheck. they've said and done many things to lead me to this conclusion. i don't think they've got anything saved, period actually.

i hope nothing happens but if it does, i will work 10 jobs to cover the cost of a home before letting them move in with us.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

With the recent turn of events in my family, I've had to face this issue head-on with both parents. My mother just recently purchased long-term care, thankfully. My father, unfortunately, is in denial, and it's next to impossible to get him to discuss the possibility that very, very soon he will become totally dependent. He recognizes he is dependent, to a degree, now, and that's why he moved to Philly to be closer to me, and decided to live with me while he goes through surgery.

The question is, what will he do after surgery and he improves, to a certain degree? He is still on dialysis, which takes an incredible debilitating toll on his health, and I estimate that even with successful heart surgery, he will need full-time care within 2 years.

I've started to broach the topic with him, gently. I think, at the very least, we've been successful in convincing him it doesn't make sense to buy a condo, and that renting is a better option, so that his money isn't tied into the real estate market, when and if he'll need more permanent care.

So, for now, at least with my father, we're taking it one step at a time. At the very least, he has disclosed to me his financials, and he's very stable in that regard, so worst case scenario, he will live with us permanently and we will hire 24 hour care for him in the home.

These are NOT things I ever thought I would have to think about in my 30's, but it's a growing realization for many of us...

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

not sure about my inlaws - but my Dad has insurance for long term care- as well as health insurance

my one grandmother is in an assisted living and pays for it herself

my other grandmother is healthy- and has long term care insurance also

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

I am not sure about my inlaws, but my parents have made it ABUNDANTLY clear that they do NOT want to go to an assisted living or nursing home (unless they absolutely have to). They want to stay with one of their children. But we love them and will of course do that for them!

However, they did recently purchase long-term healtcare insurance.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

My father had it and it saved the family a huge fortune. He had been in the hospital for 9 months straight as he suffered a long and painful passing. The insurance we had for him enabled the family to have 24/7 private duty nurses for him. It covered 80% and we paid 20% out of pocket. Knowing that someone was watching him at night and at the times we couldnt be there, enabled us to sleep at night.

My mother doesnt have the coverage that Dad did. He had always been in good health until just before the hospital stays in the last 2 years of his life. My mother was not. Mom would probably do best in an assisted living complex, but she will have no part of it. None of the children have homes that she could live in comfortably and safely. This is a constant battle between her and the kids. Until she can no longer walk, she will be in the home she is in now.

As for my ILs, I have no idea. I should mention it to DH.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

My parents will be fine. And my sister and I saw how wonderfully my mom and uncle handled my grandparents and helped them with decisions and such, so we have agreed to work together as well.

As for my In-Laws, my SMIL is taken care of. But my MIL and her girlfriend like to pretend that nothing bad will ever happen to them. MIL owns their house and there are no provisions for what happens to Conny if she gets sick or passes away first. I tell them constantly they need wills and other long term plans b/c they are not like other married couples and they have to protect themselves. They don't listen.

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

I know my parents have arrangements - both of them had to deal with their parents in LT care - so they have always said they didn't want to burden my siblings and me with that.


My ILs are another story. My BIL deals with them more than DH, so I hate to say that he would carry the burden, but they don't really have many assets, so i think that medicare would take care of it (and any assets they do have)

Re: Spinoff: What arrangements have been made for your ILs & parents?

Without question, I would take either side in to live with us and care for them myself. I've been caring for my disabled son for years ... I'd gladly do it for a parent. I wouldn't even think twice ... whatever the circumstances.