Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

this is an interesting point.

I did not have a typical childhood. I would not want to raise a child in the environment in which I was raised. I would not want my child and I to have a relationship similar to the one I have with my parents.

Until recently, the "sins of the father" being revisited on my children by my hand disturbed me a great deal. after talking about my fears at length with my husband, he helped reassure me that I am a different person, and that I can control and dictate the relationship I want to have. I don't have to continue the cycle.

and I won't. I can't.

BUT, with that being said, I am still not convinced I want to have children. so, I can't even use that as a reason...

I just wondered what you all though.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

I had a great childhood filled with travel, laughter and fun times that I would love to continue with my own children.

I can't wait to expose them to as many things and more that I have experienced. I refuse to let my kids lead a sheltered life......

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

It was because of my relationship with my mother - and my mother in general - that, for the longest time, I didn't want a child.

It took therapy, growth and my niece Victoria to make me realize that not only am I not my mother but that I would be a really good mother.

I can't wait to have a child...

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

Although there were challenges in my family (like most families), nothing in my childhood turned me off to having children myself.

I told my mother once that although I love and enjoy my nieces and nephews, that I just don't have that desire to want them for my own.

She told me that she never did either. But she had four children anyway.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

I think it influenced me a great deal. As I said on the other thread my mom loved being a mom.

I would go back & forth about the twin thing (since I"m a twin). I thought many times I would have to give away the blond haired twin if I had them. (I didn't)

I've had a few friends of mine go through some difficult soul searching because while they wanted to be parents, they were afraid to be because of their childhoods. I don't blame them. Now that they're all parents, they have found if very difficult to understand how their parents treated them so horribly or in one case abandoned them.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

DH was very uncertain about having kids because of the incredible burden he felt he created as a child to his single working mom w/2, sometimes 3 jobs and a non-existent POS father.

However, our son is 6 months old and DH is so completely in love with him. His childhood experience has made him THAT much better of a father, because he wants to do it "right" for the baby.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

I had a very good, healthy, happy childhood. I only have good memories of growing up.

My father worked very hard to provide for his family, and my mom was a SAHM. We had a great home life. We weren't spoiled or go on lavish vacations.

My parents still haven't stopped doing things for us and looking our for us.

I only hope I can give that same home life to my children.

The fact that I will be a working-mom and my mom was a SAHM gives me knots in my stomach when I think about it. Because I'll already be breaking away from what I was used to growing up. I wont be able to give my kids everything my parents gave me because I wont be home for them 24/7 like my mom was for us.

Although it's very common to work nowadays, it's still something I will have to adjust to because I'm not familiar with how a working-mom does it all. I guess I will learn!

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

I was a small child when I first thought that I didn't want children because I didn't want my children to feel the way I felt at that moment. I remember the moment vividly even though it was more than 20 years ago. It's taken a lot of self-seeking and talking to friends and even some therapy to get over the fear of being a monster of a parent.

I'm still not over it completely, but I do want children and I'm not getting any younger so I just have to tell myself the same things - that I'm not that person and I won't continue the cycle.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

My childhood sucked & to be quite honest it scared the hell out of me to have kids. Now that I am PG though I keep saying to myself "OK don't do this like it was done to me, etc."

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

I can't really say the way i was raised influenced me to have or not to have kids.

if anything, the fact that my parents separated so early on, makes me want to give my daughter a normal family.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

I never really thought about it, but I would have to say that I had a great childhood and loving, supporting parents, and that I would want to raise my children the same way I was raised. So I guess it does have an influence.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

I had a great childhood- my issues stem from losing my Mom to cancer 2 and 1/2 years ago

if my Mom was still alive- I think I would be less afraid to have childern

I want them- but we keep moving the date back

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

See below

Message edited 3/2/2007 2:33:45 PM.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

Posted by MrsStein

I had a great childhood. It was just the three of us, me, Mom and Dad. I'm an only child and believe I wasn't raised any differently than others who had siblings (such as all my cousins). We were such a "team." I loved spending time with them whether it was going to the store or on vacation. We were and still are really close. I hope to provide the same environment for my child/children.

I would be perfectly fine with having one child only. DH wants two. We'll see what happens!

Message edited 3/2/2007 2:33:34 PM.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

Not sure about other people but my mom was a SAHM with me and my sister and I remember having so much fun all the time. I cant wait to walk to the park and teach my children things and see the world through their eyes because I feel like my mom experienced the same thing and she always seemed so happy.

Message edited 3/2/2007 2:34:22 PM.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

My childhood has absolutely no influence on my desire to expand my family with my husband.

Honestly, I've been through so much that I would probably not be a normally functioning person if I stopped and analyzed it all/worried about what if's. I tend to not think about a lot of things.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

I did read in psychological texts that sometimes when adults don't want to have children, it may have something to do with what they went through as a child. i really don't know if it is true. but after reading that, i have always wondered about that for myself.

my mom was always sad when we kids were young. i think she was depressed over very good reasons about being sold as a child. she was born in china.

as a child, i always felt like a burden to her. and also took it upon myself to "take care" of her in every way.

my own fears as an adult are that i won't be able to take care of a child, or that a child may be a burden. stupid, i know. I think this lingers from my relationship with my mother, seeing her life -- and me taking care of her, and not having a life of my own. i am better now and today, am considering adoption very seriously.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

Oddly, I had a fabulous childhood yet never had the desire to have children and ultimately decided not to have them at all.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

While my family is crazy (as our most!), I did have a good childhood. However, I have always had reservations about having children that have nothing to do with my childhood (or maybe the do!).

My mom was a SAHM and then worked as a part-time teacher. She was the epitomy of "super mom" - class mother, PTA, president, etc. All she ever wanted was to be was a mother. I am the total opposite of my mother. There is not a single maternal gene in my body. I am awkward around children and generally not a "kid" person. I have also been extremely career oriented my entire life. When I was younger, I despised playing "house" and used to play "business woman" instead. I always found this interesting, considering the environment I grew up in. There have been many times that I have questioned whether I wanted children or nor.

Ultimately, I do want children in the future. I also plan to continue to work and have a career. I have no desire to be a SAHM (which my mother cannot understand). But I am constantly torn on what I am eventually going to do career-wise if I have children. It's very tough!!!

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

I had a wonderful childhood with terrific parents and siblings. Both of my parents are teachers and interestingly, my siblings and I followed in their footsteps. We are close to my extended family as well and always spent time with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. My parents made many sacrifices w/o complaining to give us a good life. However, I like my life how it is right now and am not sure I am ready -- or will ever be ready -- to make the huge committment truly being a parent takes.

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

Re: Spinoff...how does your own childhood experience influence your desire or lack of desire to have children?

Childhood memories. I love my memories with my mom and dad (aka stepdad). I had an amazing childhood. My husband will tell you his childhood was horrible. He can't tell you of any good times. Few with his mom, but that's about it. He had a rough life. Really rough life. But we move on. We come to terms with it, we accept it.

Our decision to start a family together will not be based on our pasts. If we made every decision that way our lives would be unfulfilled.

As a parent you choose how to raise your family. You choose when to neglect them, raise a hand to them, laugh with them, cry with them, hold them, play with them, etc., and you ultimately love them. People have choices in life. You can choose whether to live in the past or you can choose whether to live for the future.