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SweetCin
My green-eyed boy
Member since 5/05 13499 total posts
Name:
Cin
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Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Ladies I know there's been a number of topics on this lately, but I have to get this out.
DD is only 2 weeks old...the first week DH was beyond wonderful, we shared getting up at night, he changed diapers, fed her, played w/ her, cleaned up around the house & was so worried about my well=being after the C-section.
Fast forward to this week when he's back at work & he's cranky, irritable and if I ask for help he'll do it muttering how I'm home & not currenlty working & how he's gotten no sleep (he works nights, so I'm up MOST of the night w/ DD who sleeps just about all day except for feedings).
Yesterday we were at his mom's & by 9pm I was beyond exhausted & falling asleep on the couch--their neighbors came over & he was out back drinking wine & talking while I had DD in my arms being fussy. He came in at 1030 & took her while I pumped. Then I lost it b/c last week was our first anniversary; he swore to me he had my card at his mom's & I'd get it the next time we are there. Well I asked him & he said, don't worry you'll get it, but I didn't, b/c there wasn't ever a card there. WHY LIE???
I'm just feeling so overwhelmed lately...DD gets fussy at night, I'm taking care of her at night & most of the day, straightening up & doing what seems like everything & then yesterday DH says, did you give her a bath & I lost it. The tears just came. I said I can't do it all; I need your help; I don't feel comfortable washing her hair/bathing her yet by myself. He jumps down my throat saying, don't worry, I'll do it & he was muttering the whole time how I am helpless.
I know most of it is we're extremely tired, but I have been on the verge of tears the last 3 days (total hormones) & he gets so frustrated w/ me.
Then this am he is out helping a friend w/ his house! UMMMMMM I didn't see you most of the week; we're at your mom's yesterday & then today you volunteer to help a friend out?!?
I'm just  & just need some hugs 
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Posted 7/22/07 8:44 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
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| Posted 7/22/07 8:46 AM |
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Lucky
Growing up fast!
Member since 4/07 12683 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Hang in there!
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| Posted 7/22/07 8:51 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
The beginning is hard. You both are finding your way around a hungry, crying little girl, dealing with a loss of independence & not to mention it's only been 2 weeks.
You aren't healed from your surgery, your hormones have not leveled off yet, you're sleep deprived & you're overwhelmed.
It's absolutely understandable.
You're home all day but there is a reason you are considered disabled after having a baby. It's not because the doctor wants you to spend more time with the baby. It's because you are HEALING.
When he comes home, give him some time to get settled, wash up & then tonight sit down to talk. I wouldn't talk to him coming through the door because it's a recipe for disaster.
Also he better get his tush to a cardstore & have it in hand when he comes home. What's his cell phone number?
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| Posted 7/22/07 9:03 AM |
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chelle
It's a Good Life
Member since 8/06 15404 total posts
Name:
Isn't it obvious?
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Your DH and my DH should get together
I know what you're going through. The key is to communicate. Otherwise, it's just going to get worse. I went through the same thing when DH went back on his rotating schedule. He just didn't understand that I was with DD ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. When he was home, he wanted to relax, etc. since he just came home from "work". Well.. . he gets to leave at the end of the day and we don't.
It gets easier when your baby gets older. Now that mine is 7 weeks, it's a lot easier to be with her all the time because we can actually play now and do stuff.
It is hard in the beginning, but trust me.. it gets easier.
I hope you can get through to DH that you need his help. Hey, if I can, anyone can 
Message edited 7/22/2007 9:35:45 AM.
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| Posted 7/22/07 9:06 AM |
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ziamaria
I love this boy!
Member since 4/07 3372 total posts
Name:
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
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| Posted 7/22/07 9:06 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
I'm sorry Cindy. Men deal with these things so different than us. Doesn't mean we don't want to choke them!!!!
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| Posted 7/22/07 9:17 AM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
The first month is truly the hardest part!!! People aren't just saying that! You and your husband are getting used to a whole new schedule, a whole new life, and a whole new little person!
Hang in there - it gets so much better!!!
Try to get your husband to realize that even though you're home all day - you're caring for a newborn - her every whim and desire and it's overwhelmingly tiring! I don't think people realize how difficult it is until they actually do it (I know I didn't!)
Hang in there - and be honest with him about how difficult it is for you - and how hurtful the things he is saying are!
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| Posted 7/22/07 9:23 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
I think it was much harder to be the wife of a father then it was to be the mom of a newborn. My husband is a handfull. He was a dream till baby came.
At first I thought it was because I was staying at home, he thought we hired a maid...he was totally domesticated while I worked, once I stayed at home, that was it.
Now I realize he just needs a whole lot of attention. I think he wants me to take care of him too...Since he doesn't have all my time anymore I think he leaves things around so that I am taking care of him...who knows though, that's what I am telling myself this week.
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| Posted 7/22/07 10:20 AM |
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
I always suggest this to first time moms whose DHs don't realize what they're going through. GO OUT FOR THE DAY! I don't mean 2 hours - I mean the entire day. Leave at 10 and come home at 4 and see what the house looks like, see if DD is bathed, see if the laundry is done, dishes washed, see what kind of state DH is in. They have no idea how hard it is until they have to do it themselves! Tell him you have a baby shower or something to go to - and get out of the house.
Added on top with little or no sleep you're not yourselves. Can someone come over during the day to watch DD while you take a nap? I had my MIL or mom do this a few times and it was the best thing ever. Working on no sleep is impossible. Things will get better, hang in there!
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| Posted 7/22/07 10:20 AM |
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KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Posted by chelle
Your DH and my DH should get together
Invite mine nad they can be a threesome
It does get better. I swear. Of course having a baby changes a DH's life, BUT, I don't think, at first at least, that they realize how much different things are.
And it gets better b/c the baby will get older and you will start to have more fun with her and it will be easier to cope. DS is 12 weeks old and DH doesn't help...at all. It is especially hard when they work nights (mine does too) b/c their schedule doesn't jive with the baby's. At all.
We were talking about when I would go back to work and DH said "I don't know if I can handle you going back to work b/c then I have to help you.", WHAT? so you KNOW you don't help?
It will get better though, I promise. You will start sleeping more and you'll see thelight at the end of the tunnel.
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| Posted 7/22/07 10:31 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Cindy, this is not just hormones. It's called sleep deprivation.
You need to talk to DH for sure. Not only did you have a major surgery (he may not realize that!) and have to deal with recovery but you have to take care of a baby on top of that. He needs to realize that the burden cannot just be on one person.
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| Posted 7/22/07 10:41 AM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
There are so many threads cause your not alone. Its like they just turn into this different person when they go back to work. Mine did too.
I have really tried to talk to him about it in as nice a way as possible cause I was blowing up all the time and that wasnt helping.
I also have been trying to leave him with the baby at times when I KNOW the baby needs to be changed, feed, diaper changed , cranky etc so he sees HOW hard it is.
Yesterday I went out for 6 hours and DH said he never left the couch with DS he was so nervous. I said " SEE why I get nothing done" ...and I think he understood.
I dont know the dynamics of your relationship but HANG in there. And TALK TALK TALK.
I hope it gets better.
AND Im in Lindy too so if you need to get out and get away, we can have like a lindy GTG at Spoon for some coffee??
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| Posted 7/22/07 12:19 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
We have ALL been there- They think since we are home all day our lives are easy and we should be able to handle it all.
The only way for him to truly understand is to be alone with the baby for more than an hour. When she can start taking bottles, I highly recommend it. You will see a big change.
Hang in there- I had a pretty horrible anniversary myself. My DH wasn't even here and didn't remember when I spoke to him on the phone. They are men- they just don't get it.
Oh, and don't listen when they have "advice". I am so tired of my DH telling me what she needs or wants when I am the one spending all day with her. It gets me CRAZY!
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| Posted 7/22/07 12:23 PM |
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snuggleupagus
I'm a rolling machine.
Member since 9/06 2064 total posts
Name:
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
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| Posted 7/22/07 1:07 PM |
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Little-J-Mommy
I'm a Big Brother
Member since 5/06 8041 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Posted by FireIslandLove
I always suggest this to first time moms whose DHs don't realize what they're going through. GO OUT FOR THE DAY! I don't mean 2 hours - I mean the entire day. Leave at 10 and come home at 4 and see what the house looks like, see if DD is bathed, see if the laundry is done, dishes washed, see what kind of state DH is in. They have no idea how hard it is until they have to do it themselves! Tell him you have a baby shower or something to go to - and get out of the house.
Added on top with little or no sleep you're not yourselves. Can someone come over during the day to watch DD while you take a nap? I had my MIL or mom do this a few times and it was the best thing ever. Working on no sleep is impossible. Things will get better, hang in there!
ITA!!! This is the same advice I give new moms. I know it made a huge difference in my house. My DH looked at me when I came home after leaving him alone that 1st time and just said "I don't know how you do this everyday!" He was WAY more understanding after that!
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| Posted 7/22/07 1:08 PM |
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snuggleupagus
I'm a rolling machine.
Member since 9/06 2064 total posts
Name:
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Posted by smdl
Cindy, this is not just hormones. It's called sleep deprivation.
You need to talk to DH for sure. Not only did you have a major surgery (he may not realize that!) and have to deal with recovery but you have to take care of a baby on top of that. He needs to realize that the burden cannot just be on one person.
I agree. I made sure DH knew before the baby was born that he would be up for a feeding each night and do things around the house he may not think he should since he's at work all day. One day he yelled at me b/c the house was a complete disaster (and it truly was)...he had me so upset I just stormed off and didn't bother explaining myself. The next day when DS needed to nap he started his wonderful  waking up everytime I put him down routine so I had to sit on the couch for 4 hours. I called him and sent him numberous text message updates. When he got home, he already knew WHY the house was the way it was...I can't do it all no matter how much I want to. I was also still in the same dirty PJs that day, normally I at least change to clean PJs.
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| Posted 7/22/07 1:12 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Posted by Little-J-mommy-to-be
Posted by FireIslandLove
I always suggest this to first time moms whose DHs don't realize what they're going through. GO OUT FOR THE DAY! I don't mean 2 hours - I mean the entire day. Leave at 10 and come home at 4 and see what the house looks like, see if DD is bathed, see if the laundry is done, dishes washed, see what kind of state DH is in. They have no idea how hard it is until they have to do it themselves! Tell him you have a baby shower or something to go to - and get out of the house.
Added on top with little or no sleep you're not yourselves. Can someone come over during the day to watch DD while you take a nap? I had my MIL or mom do this a few times and it was the best thing ever. Working on no sleep is impossible. Things will get better, hang in there!
ITA!!! This is the same advice I give new moms. I know it made a huge difference in my house. My DH looked at me when I came home after leaving him alone that 1st time and just said "I don't know how you do this everyday!" He was WAY more understanding after that!
ITA. DH has been extremelly helpful from the beginning and still is. He still fixes my meals, do the laundry and groceries. DS only wants to be held. DH experienced it first hand with me for the past 2 weekends. He even admitted he woud have stopped BF if he was a womean.
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| Posted 7/22/07 1:19 PM |
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TwinMama
Love my little ladies
Member since 2/06 1225 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Posted by FireIslandLove
I always suggest this to first time moms whose DHs don't realize what they're going through. GO OUT FOR THE DAY! I don't mean 2 hours - I mean the entire day. Leave at 10 and come home at 4 and see what the house looks like, see if DD is bathed, see if the laundry is done, dishes washed, see what kind of state DH is in. They have no idea how hard it is until they have to do it themselves! Tell him you have a baby shower or something to go to - and get out of the house.
Added on top with little or no sleep you're not yourselves. Can someone come over during the day to watch DD while you take a nap? I had my MIL or mom do this a few times and it was the best thing ever. Working on no sleep is impossible. Things will get better, hang in there!
I agree, GO OUT FOR THE DAY..take a break and simply say to your DH i need to take a day and leave. When you get back i'm sure things will be different. Hope it gets better
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| Posted 7/22/07 1:30 PM |
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Gumpslilqtpie
Living the DREAM!!!
Member since 7/06 2646 total posts
Name:
Kimmer
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
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| Posted 7/22/07 2:45 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
I think we have all been there. I felt the same way a few weeks when DD was little. They are so much harder to take care of when they are newborn. I think your dh needs to help out./....how to get him to, I have no idea
just wanted to say that you are not alone, I have been in your spot and I hope things get better for you soon...having a baby is SO MUCH work but it is so worth it, hang in there
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| Posted 7/22/07 3:28 PM |
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SweetCin
My green-eyed boy
Member since 5/05 13499 total posts
Name:
Cin
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Re: Stressed...Overwhelmed...VENT...dh URR
Hi ladies, thanks for the wonderful advice....he had to help his friend this am w/ his house & when he came home at 10am he was a new person. I explained that I really needed him to help more work or no work & that at times I just feel so overwhelmed & how wonderful it was a week ago when we were a team & doing 50/50 of the work w/ DD.
I'm not saying he does nothing...he still does all the laundry & cooks dinner & usually takes the first half of the night (when he's off); its just when he's working in the am he needs to step up.
Donna, I may take you up on the Spoon GTG...I know there's a few other moms in Lindy too!
I will definitely leave the house for a few hours this week (I have an appt Wed & will extend it) & see how it goes. YET most of the day she's an angel & will sleep 3-4 hours at a time. It's just the nights which are mainly brutal....
PS--he did have an anniversary card for me today (which he swears WAS at his mom's, but....whatever)
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| Posted 7/22/07 7:53 PM |
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