(Sun-I'm back) One, Two, Three Strikes...

I'm out.
Went for another beta this morning. The nurse called this afternoon to tell me that my beta jumped from 37 to 47. She then added that they also tested other levels and that my liver enzymes are going up- which is very bad.

She told me Dr. B would be calling me later on that afternoon to discuss what meds I'm taking and my levels, etc... but that I was definitely getting this shot tomorrow. I had promised myself that after this beta, whatever the outcome, that if it went up at all, or didn't go down at all, that I was taking this shot, though honestly it's the last thing I want to do. The side effects are terrifying and there is a chance I will need more than one of these shots, as well as a chance that I could end up in the hospital.
Dr. B. called and was absolutely WONDERFUL!. He immediately apologized and offered his condolences and told me that though he hasn't gone through it that he's sure it's very hard to be trying and trying to get pregnant, to go through all of the IVF protocol and then to finally get your BFP and then have this happen. I was floored to hear someone in the medical field realize that there is a person with feelings attached to all of what's going on -and started crying- I couldn't hold it in. I thanked him and he went on to talk about what was going on.

He said though he can't prove it that this 'could' be going toward the etopic route, and that was not a risk that they were willing to take, so that I need to have this shot tomorrow morning. He talked about a D&C but never gave me that option- because he said that he wasn't sure that it was in the uterus. He told me some other things which I of course don't remember at this point and then I asked him if my mom could speak with him, because she kept talking at me asking me questions to ask him while he was talking to me- and she did. He offered her his condonlences as well. And told her how he's sure things must be really hard 'over there' right now... (meaning dealing w/ me and all of this.) She asked him about my levels and mentioned that she had asked Dr. D to do a beta yesterday and check whatever levels they had been (more for the other levels knowing that's usually an indication that something's not right) but he just stated that they don't test every day like that- though he didn't disagree w/ her that maybe they would've caught this a day earlier.

I stopped my prenatals and folgard on my own earlier in the week (the day I read that this feeds off folic acid and then dr. D told me that but never had me stop them even though she asked me what i was taking and wrote it down in my chart )

Anyway, that's that. I have put in the good fight, and I have no regrets about my decisions, but I won't chance it anymore. He scared me today, and if he feels that strongly about it, I can't argue w/ him. He gave me valid points and facts about things and I immediately said ok. He then called me back later on in the afternoon to tell me that he had discussed it w/ 3 other physicians and that they all agreed that I need to be off of the metformin while this is in my system.

I asked him how long it would be until we could start to try again and he told me honestly at this point it's too premature to say. He said I may need more than one dose of this if my beta doesn't drop fast enough, and it would depend on the total dose that was given to me (which was totally not what dr. d said). Everything he said made sense to me today. And I feel confident that this is the right decision, though it's the last choice I would've wanted to make.

So that's that. Once again, I want to thank each one of you. I wouldn't have survived these last few weeks without you guys.

I still am just sitting here in amazement- how in one IVF cycle could I get pregnant, be over the moon thrilled for days, get my beta results and be told that I'm supposedly having a chemical pregnancy, which now may or may not be turning into an etopic.... and now have to terminate the start of something (though obviously not the right something at this point ) that I want more than anything in this world w/ a medication that other people use to terminate the same thing- only that one thing is what they don't want more than anything in this world
What are the odds? I can't even believe this......

Thank you again...


Update Sun Morning:
I just got back. They gave me 2 shots, one on each cheek (but high up and outside). She said they hope this does the trick.
I have to go back to check my blood levels on Tuesday and then back again to check my beta levels on Thursday, and she said by that point we should see them start to drop but they can't say how long it will take since everyone is different. Otherwise I get another 2 shots.

When I was waiting for her to do the shots I could feel myself starting to cry so I warned her that if I broke down to please not think it had anything to do with her. She understood and told me how sorry she was. I told her it wasn't her fault and she said she knew but that she was sorry we were going thru this, which was really nice of her. DH held my hand the whole time and then to lighten the mood said "my turn" when it was over She got a kick out of that too....

For those of you who don't know I am a HUGE baby when it comes to needles... I ice VERY VERY well before hand (yes, even my PIO that they tell you not to ). I managed w/ the first shot but the 2nd one hurt like you wouldn't believe. It's been an hour and a half and my butt is still sore.

I had to stop taking all of my meds, including my metformin. And no BDing or drinking alcohol (which I don't anyway, so that's no big deal). And the only pill I'm allowed to take is tylenol (which does nothing for me). This is going to be a fun however long it ends up being (still don't have a clue).

So now I'm home. I couldn't face the world today... breakfast was enough. Kids everywhere.... and we're supposed to go to my ILs house but I know my SIL will show up especially if she knows we're coming so our nephew can see us, and I just don't have any fight left in me today. Thank you all again.

Message edited 8/24/2008 11:19:12 AM.

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Well, I'm glad you spoke to Dr. Brenner and that he cleared things up for you a bit. I think some closure will help you heal. And before you know it, you'll be having your FET. Hang in there (yet again)!

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Posted by mishmosh

Well, I'm glad you spoke to Dr. Brenner and that he cleared things up for you a bit. I think some closure will help you heal. And before you know it, you'll be having your FET. Hang in there (yet again)!

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

I'm sorry you are going through this...

I took a shot of methotrexate when my beta was over 14,000 and that was all I needed. Hopefully that is all you will need as well...

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

So sorry that you are going through this

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Oh Shannon My heart is truly breaking for you going through all of this. I am so sorry. I am praying that the shot does the trick and you are on to your FET before you know it. It is so unfair that you have had to endure all of this. I am here for you always. I am glad you spoke to Dr B and he was wonderful to you and your mother. At the very least you deserve that.

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Shannon, I have been away all week, and first thing I did today was check in on you...

I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry and to give you more

Also, just to let you know that for my second ectopic I needed two shots of methotrexate (my beta numbers were much higher than yours) - I don't want to go into the whole story again, but just know that I didn't experience any side effects until the second shot, and even those were manageable.

I'm thinking of you - FM me if you need anything.

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Shannon, I'm so sorry, just so so sorry... I think you need this closure though, so you can move on and look forward to what the future will bring. And in the meantime, we are all here for you

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Posted by Gertyrae

Posted by mishmosh

Well, I'm glad you spoke to Dr. Brenner and that he cleared things up for you a bit. I think some closure will help you heal. And before you know it, you'll be having your FET. Hang in there (yet again)!

I couldn't have said it better.

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Shannon, I am so sorry you're going through all of this. I am so glad Dr. B called and cleared things up. He is my doctor and I do know just how compassionate and understanding he can be - which is EXACTLY what you needed. You are definitely making the right choice. I that this shot gives you some closure to this very difficult situation and that you are able to heal and move onto your FET. You are always in my thoughts and prayers!

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I am so sorry you are going through this....

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shannon i am so sorry... i really hope you get some closure soon! this whole thing just STINKS.

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So sorry you are going through this.

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So sorry......Here is to healing and moving forward!

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I am so sorry. Be proud of yourself though, you put up one heck of a fight and did everything humanly possible. You are very strong and you will get through this...

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Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry this has happened but I am glad you feel more clear and certain about the decision you had to make. I hope this all ends quickly for you so you can look forward to your FET!

Re: One, Two, Three Strikes...

Thank you again everyone.

I just got back. They gave me 2 shots, one on each cheek (but high up and outside). She said they hope this does the trick.
I have to go back to check my blood levels on Tuesday and then back again to check my beta levels on Thursday, and she said by that point we should see them start to drop but they can't say how long it will take since everyone is different. Otherwise I get another 2 shots.

When I was waiting for her to do the shots I could feel myself starting to cry so I warned her that if I broke down to please not think it had anything to do with her. She understood and told me how sorry she was. I told her it wasn't her fault and she said she knew but that she was sorry we were going thru this, which was really nice of her. DH held my hand the whole time and then to lighten the mood said "my turn" when it was over She got a kick out of that too....

For those of you who don't know I am a HUGE baby when it comes to needles... I ice VERY VERY well before hand (yes, even my PIO that they tell you not to ). I managed w/ the first shot but the 2nd one hurt like you wouldn't believe. It's been an hour and a half and my butt is still sore.

So now I'm home. I couldn't face the world today... breakfast was enough. Kids everywhere.... and we're supposed to go to my ILs house but I know my SIL will show up especially if she knows we're coming so our nephew can see us, and I just don't have any fight left in me today. Thank you all again.

Message edited 8/24/2008 11:02:58 AM.

Re: (Sun-I'm back) One, Two, Three Strikes...

I dont have the right words. Praying that these shots do the trick and you'll be on your way to the next hill in this rollercoaster called IF.

Re: (Sun-I'm back) One, Two, Three Strikes...

I'm so sorry. You have been through so much. But you are in great hands with Dr. B and before you know it you will be posting about your FET.

Re: (Sun-I'm back) One, Two, Three Strikes...

I am so sorry. I have been following your journey through all of this.

I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now, and I pray that you have the strength to come through this.

Re: (Sun-I'm back) One, Two, Three Strikes...

I'm so sorry Shannon. At least you finally have some closure and peace of mind. I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers