Thank you

Thanks everyone.

I am upset because I don't understand. I don't want anything bad to happen to him.
While I understand it is none of my business and does not affect my daily life, it, as you can imagine, was a complete and utter shock.

Message edited 7/2/2007 12:04:18 PM.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I say mind your own business. Whyt does this affect you so much that you're "destroyed?" Are you very close? Are you worried about the social ramifications? I just don't understand the depth of feeling I guess...

Message edited 7/2/2007 10:35:15 AM.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

ummm...wow. I would not know what to do. I guess there is really nothing you can do but be there for him if he needs you.....I love my family unconditionally (as I am sure you do to)

as gross as we may think that is, it is not our place to judge......

Sorry you are going through this....I mean they cannot legally marry...can they

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

Wow. I can see how this hurts especially if you are close with him. But, I don't know if there is much you can do. It seems like a very touchy situation. Sorry, I have no real advice.

Message edited 7/2/2007 10:39:29 AM.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

Wow, that is a very difficult situation. Other than telling him how you feel to get it off of your chest, I don't think there is very much you can do to change his behavior, unfortuantely

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I don't understand how something like this happens. Did they grow up together? If so, how could they go "there"?

Are the parents of these kissing cousins aware of the situation?

Honestly, like Melijane said, there's not much you can do - in your daily life, I'm sure it doesn't affect you. You said you already reacted in a way that expressed your concern. I can't imagine what else you can do, nor should you lose sleep over another person's decision that you simply cannot change.

However, I can understand how/why you're upset. I agree - it's icky.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I also don't quite understand why this situation would "destroy" you. Yes, I agree, the social ramifications, and potential for family embarassment, is endless, and of course, there's the "ick" factor, but those are all just social perceptions. He can get just as "hurt" with anyone, whether it's a cousin or not, and the only physical ramification is if he chooses to have children with this person, which, hopefully they will NOT.

But, this is free choice here - you can't control who you fall in love with, and even though it may be icky, as long as they aren't hurting anyone, and aren't breaking any laws (presumably they are just dating, not intending to get married), there's not much you can do, other than to bear the public humiliation.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I understand why you might feel devastated. Especially if you are really close with this person.

It is disturbing. It is incest. It would upset me immensely if this happened to someone I loved.

I think the reason you are upset is because you cannot support him. And it is hard to love someone and want to be there for them - but not be able to because you don't believe in what they are doing ethically or morally.

I have no good advice for you. Tell him that you love him and you will not stop loving him - but that you cannot support him because you are not comfortable with this choice.

I wish I could offer more.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I would just stay out of it. He is obviously not thinking with a rational mind or a clear head. Does he know the ramifications of having a child in an incestuous relationship? He needs to education himself on this. Has he tried match.com or another way of meeting someone? His self-esteem must be shot.

Furthermore, you should not be "destroyed" by this. Why are YOU so affected? It's not a sibling - it's your cousin. That's just as odd to me as this relationship to begin with.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I would say stay out of it as well.
And although many people may find it unacceptable, it is actually legal to marry your first cousin in NYS, and have children.

It is not so common a practice these days but was the norm hundreds of years ago. It is not incest. You only share 1/4 of your genes with a first cousin, not 1/2 like a brother/sister or parent.

I am sorry you are hurting, but if he is in love then let it be.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I know someone who's parents are first cousin. They have been married 30+ years and have three normal well adjusted children. I don't think it reflects on you at all.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

Very difficult situation here, honestly though theres really nothing that you can do - he's the one who's going to get all the grief from the family - and her as well - as they are the ones involved.

I know you love him, he's your family, so continue to love him - but I understand you not being able to support him in this. It is icky - but - I think he's going to need someone in his corner to be there for him, and while you can't support his decision, I wouldn't completely turn my back on him either.

Are you close to your other cousin as well?
How long has this been going on that they are so "in love"?

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

A good friend of mine's mom married her 1st cousin from Italy. They have a son and he has diabetes. I always thought it was strange and so did my friend LOL...but to each his own. I am sorry that you are hurt by that but it's his life, he can do what he wants.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

yikes. icky.

i dont know what i would do.
i think i would just stay out of it. and not for nothing, i probably wouldnt talk to him anymore. not totally like "cut him off", but i wouldnt be inviting him over or anything like that.

do you think there is something mentally wrong with them?

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I think Rudy Giuliani's first wife was his cousin. And look at him now...

Anyway, I agree with other posters, I don't see how it would affect your life or why you are destroyed. I've seen family members make horrible choices, but usually there is nothing we can do about it. If you want to let him know you disagree, fine, but then move on.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

Message edited 6/4/2012 5:25:49 PM.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I agree, I think its strange and if I think about my own cousin, I would find it very weird and I would find my perception of him very changed, so I understand your view point.

Not sure what you can do about it.

If its something so strongly you feel disturbed about, you relationship will need to change with him....and there may be no more relationship with him to speak of neccesarily based on how you feel.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

nm... this whole topic is disgusting.

Message edited 7/2/2007 11:19:43 AM.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

No advice but offering

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I can understand why you're disturbed by it, but it's not incest and it is legal to marry your first cousin. My former next door neighbors were first cousins and they had a whole bunch of kids. FDR and Eleanor Roosevelt were also cousins. It's not the norm anymore like it used to be, but it happens.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

Posted by nyteacher13


Furthermore, you should not be "destroyed" by this. Why are YOU so affected? It's not a sibling - it's your cousin. That's just as odd to me as this relationship to begin with.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

Posted by CaseyGirl

A good friend of mine's mom married her 1st cousin from Italy. They have a son and he has diabetes. I always thought it was strange and so did my friend LOL...but to each his own. I am sorry that you are hurt by that but it's his life, he can do what he wants.

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice

I would just be supportive. He doe not need to be judged by anyone.

I remember reading in the NY Times a few years ago about people marrying cousins and that the risk of hhaving children with defects is low. I didn't realize it was legal for first cousins to marry but apparently it is.

Whatever he decides, i wish him the best. Sounds like he has had a very difficult life.