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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Anonymous: Destroyed and need your advice
Posted by KittyTheStray
Posted by Bxgell2
I also don't quite understand why this situation would "destroy" you. Yes, I agree, the social ramifications, and potential for family embarassment, is endless, and of course, there's the "ick" factor, but those are all just social perceptions. He can get just as "hurt" with anyone, whether it's a cousin or not, and the only physical ramification is if he chooses to have children with this person, which, hopefully they will NOT.
But, this is free choice here - you can't control who you fall in love with, and even though it may be icky, as long as they aren't hurting anyone, and aren't breaking any laws (presumably they are just dating, not intending to get married), there's not much you can do, other than to bear the public humiliation.
I agree with this. I guess I don't see the big deal, but I like to read historical biographies and everyone married their cousins in the 1800's.
Here's an article from Discover Magazine about it that may help set your mind at ease - just scroll down a bit, the top is blank.
http://discovermagazine.com/2003/aug/featkiss
This is a quote from the article:
a team of scientists led by Robin L. Bennett, a genetic counselor at the University of Washington and the president of the National Society of Genetic Counselors, announced that cousin marriages are not significantly riskier than any other marriage, it made the front page of The New York Times. The study, published in the Journal of Genetic Counseling last year, determined that children of first cousins face about a 2 to 3 percent higher risk of birth defects than the population at large. To put it another way, first-cousin marriages entail roughly the same increased risk of abnormality that a woman undertakes when she gives birth at 41 rather than at 30. Banning cousin marriages makes about as much sense, critics argue, as trying to ban childbearing by older women.
I am not saying I would marry my cousin, or that I don't think it's gross, but it's not my life, so who am I to judge. YOU are not dating your cousin, so I would hope no one would judge you for his behavior. I just wanted to try to set your mind at ease with some facts, this is a scientific study that was done.
I was just going to post something very similar. Also, he CAN legally marry his first cousin in NY State (and many other states as well): Cousin Marriage by State
I'm not saying I agree with it - just passing along the information.
I couldn't imagine having romantic feelings for a family member... but to each his own.
I'd stay out of it, but I completely understand that you feel bad about it.
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Posted 7/2/07 11:58 AM  |
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mosh913
baby boy coming spring '11
Member since 5/05 3133 total posts
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Re: Thank you
I would find the whole thing very weird, disturbing and embarrasing. I think you have every right to feel the way you do.
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| Posted 7/2/07 12:08 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
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Re: Thank you
i read your OP but didnt get a chance to respond until now. I understand why you are upset but I wanted to pass on some "good" examples.
In my family there are FOUR sets of married cousins - all older generations but from BOTH sides of my family (mother's and father's side). Everyone remained married and had happy and very healthy children. I am sure they didn't broadcast that they were first cousins because it is not as accepted here but they have never suffered because of it.
Message edited 7/2/2007 12:53:50 PM.
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| Posted 7/2/07 12:53 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Thank you
my maternal great grandparents are cousins (from Norway)
initially when I found out, I was a little wigged out, but it's b/c it's not as common here, and especially now.
but it's really not so bad, and I look at the brightside.
the Norwegian side of my family is gorgeous.....and I got twice the genetic dosage 
just trying to add some humor. It's really not as bad as it initially sounds.
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| Posted 7/2/07 1:02 PM |
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| Pages: 1 [2] |
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