Thank you.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I appreciate it.

Message edited 5/1/2013 1:42:06 PM.

Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

I'd let it be. I don't think DH was unreasonable, it was late. Unfortunately, this is your first taste of the unpleasantries of being a landlord. Is there a signed lease agreement now that you're the landlords?

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

If it was making that much noise 11:30 during the week is not ok. I believe most noise ordinances go into effect at 10:30 but you would have to check with your town on that. That really is the big problem here. If it was at 10 would your dh be mad then? If so as hard as it might be you may have to consider asking her to move because you don't want to fight with dh. I rent and have been known to vacuum at 10 if something spills or we have company coming the next day but come 10:30 vacuum is off no matter what. Gotta really figure out exactly what dh is upset about

Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

I understand how you might feel bad about asking her to follow some kinda guideline as she does pay to live there, however I have to agree with your husband. It's your house and you are the boss of what happens there. If you don't give some kinda guideline she'll run fans at midnight and make loud noises at certain times.

I've never been a landlord but I have been a tenant. If I were in your situation I would just talk to her. I would call her and ask if she could come downstairs just to talk. I would just explain to her that you aren't looking to get rid of her or anything but some things are started to affect your family and that cannot happen.

I agree she does pay to live there and it's her space but it's your house! If someone lived with me and it started to affect my sleep and my money I would DEF say something to her, but try not to be too critical as if she is depressed you don't want to upset her too much.

Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

I would ask her to leave. Give her a decent notice. It seems like your and your DH are not happy with the situation and it will be better in the long run if you deal with it now.

Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

I rented from an elderly couple that was all up in my business every chance they got. It annoyed me at first but I realized it was their house and like your tenant, I was paying way under what the going rate was. IMO it's your house so you need to make the rules. I agree with your DH, she should be respectful of you both since she KNOWS how thin the walls/floor is. Is the plan that you want her to continue to rent for a long time? Is it really helping that much that its worth the issues? If so, I would talk with her about it. You should set forth some ground rules, incl a rise in rent since your utility bills went up. My landlord raised us twice. Also, LIPA rates just went up so you can blame it on that. I would also think about the future. Are you planning on starting a family? If so, she may wake the baby up and cause more stress to you. IMO having someone rent is a huge headache and a lot of stress for a first time homeowner. I would really weigh if the money was worth it. Good Luck :)

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

My thought is that you've walked into a huge clusterfluck.

I send you both strength.

You are going to need it.

LL/tenant stuff can be a nightmare in NYS and the tenants have a lot of rights.

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

I don't think your DH was unreasonable at all. While she has a right to do what she wants, when she wants, she still has to be respectful of the fact that she rents.

She had plenty of time to do her laundry during the day or the days leading up to today. So I would have felt the same way your DH felt - she was making to much noise that late at night on a weeknight.

Eta: I also agree with the other posters who say you should ask her to leave. I don't think this will end happy for you. She sounds like she is going to be a bigger problem.

Message edited 5/1/2013 9:23:46 AM.

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

If it was bothering your DH so much, he should've done something about it himself. But, I don't think he's wrong. She had all day to do it and loud, consistent noise at that time of night is illegal. Cops could be called.

It's a really hard situation though- I don't blame you for wanting to let her stay but that's not fair to you or DH. Maybe have a talk where you give her a few months to find a new place. I wonder if she is even actively looking for a job? I mean, talking about her depression and getting up and doing stuff for herself is really not your place, even though it would probably be done with the best intentions. Does she have family or friends in the area?

ETA: I don't think the noise complaint really has anything to do with renting... if I owned a house next door to you and was violating town noise ordinances, you'd be well within your right to complain about that, too.

Message edited 5/1/2013 9:27:15 AM.

Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Message edited 5/1/2013 1:42:29 PM.

Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

DH sounds bitter about the money and that's kinda crappy because he did agree to it. Would he be happier renting it for more money? My guess is no. Doesn't sound like being landlords is a good fit for you guys. Ask her to leave when the 6 month mark hits.

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Outside of illegal activities, what she does in her space is her own business. How it affects you becomes your business to the extent that it affects you. I don't think you were wrong for texting her about the noise & to ask her to refrain from making it at night. I do think you were wrong for asking her what it was.

This tenant is causing dissension in your home. I understand you feel bad but your relationship & home life comes first. She's also become a drain financially.

You need to give her notice & start making arrangements to evict her or you need to speak to her about the increase in utilites & the noise she's making.

Is this a legal apartment? This makes a huge difference in how I'd handle it.

Message edited 5/1/2013 9:34:46 AM.

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

I would ask her to leave and be done with it. Not worth the stress in your marriage!

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Get rid of her. Not worth it!

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Tell her you need the upstairs space and she will have to move out. Give her a reasonable amount of time.

Or, offer her a lease with a higher monthly rent (whatever you want to make it worth your while) and a contribution for utilities.

Personally, I would just ask her to go.

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Since you are approaching the 6 month mark, I would sit down with her and tell her that you need the space, and she needs to move out after that 6 months is up.... not worth the headache having to deal with her. Also I don't think your DH was unreasonable, I'd be pissed too if I heard that noise at that time of night.

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Message edited 5/1/2013 9:57:02 AM.

Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

You should not feel bad at all for texting her - there was loud noise coming from the apartment, at a pretty late hour! Your DH was not at all unreasonable in thinking the fan should be shut off. When you rent, especially in someone's house, I think you have to be aware of the fact that there are other people sharing the same space and plan accordingly. (When I went for the interview with the co-op board when I bought my co-op, one thing they emphasized was being aware of your neighbors and not making noise late at night). Like you said, she was home all day and so she could have done her laundry earlier. Just because she chose not to does not mean that you and your DH have to suffer and not be able to sleep. It sounds like the situation is no longer working. Since the 6 months is approaching, I would talk to her, give her plenty of notice and tell her that she should start looking for another place to live.

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

I'm a landlord and let me just say that she's very rude and your DH was not unreasonable at all.

I understand why you feel unconforable, I would too bc that's just how I am. Dont apologize bc you didnt do anything wrong.

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?

As a landlord, this is how I would handle it.

First, I would speak with DH and see if getting less money than the apartment is worth might be the root of the problem. If he feels like he would be ok with it if the tenant was paying market value then I would continue to rent, additional income is always nice!

That said, I would (at the 6 month mark) let her know that you've evaluated the situation over 6 months and have come to realize that the utilities are used excessively and in order to continue having her there, you would have to increase the rent to $XXX a month. Not that you want to but you have to based on the bills. Then, put some ground rules on paper regarding co-existing peacefully and down times.

However, if your DH is a light sleeper and this is going to continue to be a problem, then I would let her know that it's just not working out due to your conflicting schedules and the cost of utilities. Give her 3 months to find a place if you feel like being nice and offer her security back once she leaves.

It's nothing personal. She's not your family. Renting is a business agreement. Try not to feel bad.

Re: Need Opinions - Is DH being unreasonable?