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JenniferH
LIF Adult
Member since 8/07 1109 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Thanks for the help ladies...
didn't want to leave my original post up too long...
Message edited 9/23/2007 12:47:47 AM.
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Posted 9/22/07 11:09 PM  |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
Honestly, I would start doing everything the "official" way. You want the house to sell, so you will need to take care of business with or without him.
I would mail him a letter (certified, etc..) that due to his lack of actions and responsiveness, you will hire a plumber and that it will be deducted from his share/split of assets.
Did you get a lawyer yet? That may be your best route to show you are serious about moving on and get things done.
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| Posted 9/22/07 11:27 PM |
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-Lisa-
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Member since 5/05 6530 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
I understand why you want Frank to fix the sink, but I think keeping the sign on the sink can hurt a potential sale, so in effect, its hurting yourself.
I would take the sign down. I don't think too many people are turning on faucets the first time they look at a house.
eta: since you're the one living in the house, it may not be his responsibility to handle repairs. I agree with the pp. Get it done, and keep the receipts for your lawyer.
Message edited 9/22/2007 11:32:38 PM.
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| Posted 9/22/07 11:30 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
First of all 
Second of all, I agree that he is one big baby that needs to take responsibility....however, I don't think that's going to happen. I know you said not to say this, but I do really think that you should just get the sink fixed yourself. The only person you're hurting by not doing that is yourself. If he was unmotivated during your marriage, he's only going to be MORE unmotivated after it. I say you give him a date to get his things out of the house and if he doesn't do it, they'll either be sold at a garage sale, donated or thrown away. Then, if he doesn't do it, too bad. I wouldn't even waste your time trying to get him to come from Queens to do it. He's not going to. If he was going to, it would have been done ages ago when the problem started.
I'm so sorry that he's a jerk. But you need to only think of YOUR best interest now. Don't even think about his behavior. He's a child, obviously, and you don't have to be the one to try to motivate him anymore. Get it fixed and send him the bill.
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| Posted 9/22/07 11:30 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
In regards to his personal belongings, again send a certified letter giving him a date that he needs to pick them up. If does not pick them up by the date you have set, you will have to dispose of them.
Just go matter of facts. But again, do everything officially and keep copies of everything.
BTDT.. It stinks!
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| Posted 9/22/07 11:37 PM |
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JenniferH
LIF Adult
Member since 8/07 1109 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
Message edited 9/23/2007 12:48:21 AM.
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| Posted 9/22/07 11:53 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
Posted by JenniferH
I would love to send him a certified letter and throw it all out if he didn't come to get it by a certain date...but, I would have to assume that as long as the house is not sold, he could keep it here for as long as he wanted...
In regards to the sink...I guess I will take the sign down and try my hardest to get it fixed before the open house...
But, that is just one example I've given...and believe me, there are others...and I cannot and will not cave on everything and do it all myself.
I just feel like he's abandoned everything...me, this house, his responsibilities...and has completely forgotten that we were husband and wife, who owned a beatiful home together, and went through such a tragedy...it's a shame, it really is.
I will be "BRUTAL". Sorry!
When you start feeling melancolic about where it went wrong, how could he have "ruined" everything.... just think about one thing. Give yourself a couple of "mental" slaps in the face.
I went through it and it's not easy (I know!!) but the best advise I was told was.... "you will lose money, limit the damages and move on".
Now just think of it as "business". Choose your battles.
You need to sell the house. Don't think hiring a plumber is giving in. It's just taking care of business to make it happen. He WILL NOT be there for you. You will now need to do it yourself. It's scary but so empowering too! You will discover a new person in yourself after this is all done.
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| Posted 9/23/07 12:03 AM |
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ChilisWife
God Bless America
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
A.K.
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
I really hope things start going your way, it sounds like you deserve some peace and happiness.
Message edited 9/23/2007 12:05:42 AM.
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| Posted 9/23/07 12:04 AM |
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-Lisa-
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Member since 5/05 6530 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
Posted by JenniferH
I just feel like he's abandoned everything...me, this house, his responsibilities...and has completely forgotten that we were husband and wife, who owned a beatiful home together, and went through such a tragedy...it's a shame, it really is.
he HAS abandoned you - you're getting a divorce. It IS a shame, but you need to handle things on your own now and not wait around for him to do it. Its not "caving", its moving on with your life.
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| Posted 9/23/07 12:09 AM |
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JennasMom
?**?
Member since 11/05 3463 total posts
Name:
does it matter
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
Jennifer I have been through this as well, and yes it does s u c k . Like others have suggested, you need to "take" the bull by the horns and take charge of your situation. Get the sink fixed, keep the receipt and use it later when the proceeds are divided. Make sure you have an attorney and document everything
Ending a marriage no mater what the reason is always a hard thing. I wish you the best
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| Posted 9/23/07 12:17 AM |
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JenniferH
LIF Adult
Member since 8/07 1109 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
Message edited 9/23/2007 12:48:46 AM.
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| Posted 9/23/07 12:21 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
Posted by JenniferH
One more thing...
I was fooled by him...when this all first started and I mentioned that I would need to get a lawyer...he basically told me if I did, then he'd come to the house and take everything I owned...shut the phone off, take my cell phone away from me...etc...
He came to me with this "no fault" divorce thing and kind of told me that he'd hire the lawyer, but made it seem like the lawyer would represent the both of us.
I know...I know...how dumb could I be...but, I was lost...after losing a son, not getting pg after doing IVF, not having a job...I was desperate, and not thinking straight...because in less than 2 years my world was a COMPLETE DISASTER...
So, now that the divorce papers have come...which I did sign because I was soooooo angry...now, I've basically stated that I'm ok with proceeding with this without my own legal representation...because I've now figured out that this lawyer is not both of ours...it's HIS.
I don't currently have the funds to hire a lawyer...but, I think I'm going to have to because it's like he's the victim and I'm the villain...but, it's the total opposite...
It's not too late to hire a lawyer. This is really your best avenue. I did not have much money either but this is really the only way with someone who tried to manipulate you.
Could you contact a support group/social worker on how they can find a lawyer and explain your financial situation? They may have or know an organization that help women in your situation.
Did you sign anything? Do you have a copy of it? Show your lawyer and they will tell you what it means for you.
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| Posted 9/23/07 12:29 AM |
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Re: Am I wrong? Please be honest...long post inside...
You claim that the sign must be there because the leak is that bad. Yet you go on to explain that the sign must be there because your STBX does nothing. Be honest with yourself about your motives. You are getting a divorce. It is too late to try to do things just to prove a point. At this point, do things to get them done and move on. Also, you obviously did not speak to the lawyer who was supposedly representing both of you. No lawyer worth their salt will ever present him or herself as representing opposing parties.
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| Posted 9/23/07 12:50 AM |
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JenniferH
LIF Adult
Member since 8/07 1109 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Thanks for the help ladies...
Posted by ssdbk
Also, you obviously did not speak to the lawyer who was supposedly representing both of you. No lawyer worth their salt will ever present him or herself as representing opposing parties.
Exactly...I did not speak to the lawyer myself...it was my STBX who represented to me that the lawyer he was hiring was for the two of us.
I do want to move on and will definitely do so...and I've already stated that I'll get the sink fixed.
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| Posted 9/23/07 12:59 AM |
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Re: Thanks for the help ladies...
Posted by JenniferH
Posted by ssdbk
Also, you obviously did not speak to the lawyer who was supposedly representing both of you. No lawyer worth their salt will ever present him or herself as representing opposing parties.
Exactly...I did not speak to the lawyer myself...it was my STBX who represented to me that the lawyer he was hiring was for the two of us.
I do want to move on and will definitely do so...and I've already stated that I'll get the sink fixed.
Make a list of questions for a lawyer and ask specifically how your interests will be protected in the agreement.
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| Posted 9/23/07 1:03 AM |
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