This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

When the babies were born and my good friends visiited, they said "I have their gifts at home" 9 weeks later, I still haven't recieved them....

Fast Foward to the christening and much to my amazement, the envelopes were a wee bit light! I am only saying this because I know what other people gave for ONE child a few months ago, so how could you give less for 2 children? I just don't understand it at all!

Then I start thinking about how much money I have spent on other people's children over the last 10 years for birthday parties, christenings, etc...and it blows my mind!

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do!

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

A gift shouldn't be an expectation.
The economy isn't so hot these days so I certainly wouldn't be complaining about the lack of money received at a christening or the lack of gifts for their birth. I know you don't intend to sound ungrateful, but you really do

I do however think it's rude for someone to say they bought a gift and then never give it to you.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Obviously is someone said they have a gift for you and it's been 9 weeks, either they lied to you about it or haven't gotten around to sending it and the babies are now too big for it. I know that's happened to me before-i'd buy something in newborn, forget it at home, then time flies and i have to exchange it and buy something new. But if they flat out lied, that's messed up.

But you can't expect to get what you give. People give what they can at that time.

Keep giving, it should make you feel better than what you recieve, the green eye of envy and ungratefulness are horrible to keep.

I know you don't mean to sound ungrateful, but the gifts don't matter as much as the family and friends who were there to see your two beautiful babies be welcomed into the spiritual community.



ETA: I want to add, I know we all want the best for our kids and expect to get what we have given and I totally understand that you would feel hurt by people lack of gift giving. It's hard not to feel like that, but I would try to look at the positives. That's just me :)

Message edited 12/2/2007 3:10:36 PM.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

I dont think she is being ungrateful, I think she is hurt. Maybe she goes out of her way for other peoples children and maybe she thought that people, in kind, would reciprocate.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Posted by sweetness

Obviously is someone said they have a gift for you and it's been 9 weeks, either they lied to you about it or haven't gotten around to sending it and the babies are now too big for it. I know that's happened to me before-i'd buy something in newborn, forget it at home, then time flies and i have to exchange it and buy something new. But if they flat out lied, that's messed up.

But you can't expect to get what you give. People give what they can at that time.

Keep giving, it should make you feel better than what you recieve, the green eye of envy and ungratefulness are horrible to keep.

I know you don't mean to sound ungrateful, but the gifts don't matter as much as the family and friends who were there to see your two beautiful babies be welcomed into the spiritual community.



ETA: I want to add, I know we all want the best for our kids and expect to get what we have given and I totally understand that you would feel hurt by people lack of gift giving. It's hard not to feel like that, but I would try to look at the positives. That's just me :)

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH

Posted by stayandjohn

I dont think she is being ungrateful, I think she is hurt. Maybe she goes out of her way for other peoples children and maybe she thought that people, in kind, would reciprocate.

I think I understand.

We went through something similar. We are the last of our family and friends to have children as we are the youngest of our generation at 37 and 39. The last baby born to my friends was 4 years ago and the last one born in the family was 7 years ago. I come from a very large, and what used to be extremely close, extended family (growing up I saw my cousins every week). For twenty years I bought engagement gifts, wedding gifts, baby gifts, birthday and Christmas gifts for about 30 kids... yes, as one of my cousins has 8 ... I gave in the thousands of dollars for those 8 Christening gifts, alone. Collectively, I spent many, many hours picking out the right gifts, wrapping, shipping and/or attending parties given in their honor. Three of my cousins, including the one who has the eight children is yet to acknowledge the twins birth at all, not even a phone call or card, never mind a gift. It reminds me of that Sex in the City Episode where Carrie is complaining about the same thing. At the same time, I have been very surprised at the thoughtfulness of some others.

It might sound like it's about the money but it really isn't, it's about a reciprocal acknowledgement of HER children. It is now her and her DH's turn to celebrate the miracle of their twins. It just seems like people are not giving the same thought or attention that she gave to theirs.

It's situations like this that show us the true generosity of some people and not of others (again, not just talking about money but those willing to help with the babies, bring you a meal, run and errand, etc.)

I'm sorry

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

While I agree it sounds ungrateful to think this way, but Im sure many or most people have thought like this at one point or another (I said many or most as a disclaimer )

and as far as the "whatever they can afford" discussion, that's not always the case. I was recently FLOORED when I heard what someone gave at a huge function. This is a family that's ALWAYS shopping to the max. ALways has to outbeat the Joneses, you get the idea. (and always flaunting dollar amounts (while crying poverty ) bragging (and whining at the same time) about how expensive things in the near future will be for them.
yet at this big party, the gift they gave (not monetary, so we're not even counting dollar amounts) was completely a JOKE and left a few people

Stacey- i know what you mean.
no need to give you a politically correct speech

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Posted by anna

ALways has to outbeat the Joneses, you get the idea. (and always flaunting dollar amounts (while crying poverty ) bragging (and whining at the same time) about how expensive things in the near future will be for them.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Posted by Elizabeth

Posted by anna

ALways has to outbeat the Joneses, you get the idea. (and always flaunting dollar amounts (while crying poverty ) bragging (and whining at the same time) about how expensive things in the near future will be for them.

Oh Anna!!! LMAO! You never fail to crack me up!!!! Even your parenthesis comments have sub-parenthesis *MWAH*

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

i am a huge believer in keeping track of gifts and giving exactly what you got...of course i would understand if there wrere unnusual circumstances and someone was having hard times...but that would annoy me too

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

it would not hurt be, just annoy me...im not sur ehow it works for twins...i mean if you gave someone 100 for theri child, should they give 200 since u have twins...im not really sure....

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

"It might sound like it's about the money but it really isn't, it's about a reciprocal acknowledgement of HER children. It is now her and her DH's turn to celebrate the miracle of their twins. It just seems like people are not giving the same thought or attention that she gave to theirs. "


Thanks again! Yes, that is exactly what I was feeling!

Message edited 12/2/2007 5:41:27 PM.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

I know how you feel and I don't think you are being ungrateful. I feel the same. I felt like this for my wedding and the birth of my daughter. I was the last out of most of my friends and it wasn't a big deal to them anymore- anyways you know how it goes.

Many because I know how you feel.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

I totally understand, people act like when you have twins, they get to share a gift, and that it is such an expense to give them both a gift at the same time. total BS in my opinion. My nephew is born 2 weeks before my boys so should they all have to share a gift since their b-day's are so close.

My kid's also got a combined gift and then my nephew got the same exact thing just for him the next year.

I totally know where you are coming from, and from no on when someone asks me what they want, I always tell them something they would each want.

I also don't think you are being ungrateful, I really think it is a twin thing.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

as far as it being a twin thing, I cant say this was the case for me.

My sister and I have always gotten our own gifts. I dont think we have ever received a combined gift or a gift to share.

Even OUr Godparents, have also ALWAYS given completely equal gifts to us for all occasions, to this very day.
and I know it's very common to get a Godchild an "extra special" gift, which I see nothing wrong with at all. but it was never done to us.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

I can understand being upset about the gifts that were promised that you've never received. That has happened to me a couple of times and I just think it's rude to say something and then not give the gift.

As far as not getting as much for 2, you have to try not to get upset by that. Someone who can afford $50 for one child may not be able to afford $100 for the 2. So they may give $75 because that's what they can afford. My friend has twins and I just can't afford to spend the same on the twins that I can put out for one child. Meaning if I spend $40 on a birthday for one child I may spend about $60 on the twins. To put double out in one shot is sometimes difficult to do. So I do the best that I can and hope that my friend understands my financial situation.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

I'm sorry you are upset! The way I work it is that I now know who to go above and beyond for - and who not to.

I just recently received a gift that shocked the heck out of me - it was sooooo ridiculous - I don't even want to go into details because I'm still very disgusted over it. But, let me just say - I would never in a million years give a stranger what these people gave my son. They will be receiving the same exact gift from me in a few months.

I understand that not everyone has the money for all of the celebrations - but when someone you know is clearly spending money on other things (Such as betting) and they give you such an embarrassing gift - I think that is a shame. Can you tell I'm still bent out of shape over this! LOL!

You are human - and you have every right to feel slighted and bad. All I can say is that you can keep this in the back of your mind for future things. That's what I plan on doing.

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

I have a ton of these people in my life. Honestly, I shake it off. I still give to their kids because I love their kids.

If they don't go out of there way to get close to my kid, it's their loss. I don't just mean financially, I mean putting a note in the mail...

Re: This is going to sound ungrateful but I am upset because I feel that my children are getting the gift shaft!

I know how you feel. Honestly to me it just goes to show how people are. Now if someone is having financial difficulties or whatever that is totally different but when you spend so many years picking up the perfect gift, wrapping it and spending money on it the same should be done for your children. I would be hurt too.

For my SILs shower DH & I bought her the crib and for my shower she got me a small gift...meanwhile she brags about how she is constantly spending hundreds of dollars on clothes for her DD which I know she does. Guess what...this Christmas instead of going all out she's getting PJ's. I'm tired of spending time, energy and money getting people the perfect gift and it not being reciprocrated back.