Those Painful Reminders.....

...that you have a child with autism hurt so bad.

I've become so good at adapting our lives to my son's needs that most times I forget that he has PDD. He's had a lot of therapy and really has done so great with them.

And then you find yourself taking a risk with getting him involved with something that may or may not go well and the situation completely explodes and you're reminded that your child is different.

It happened to me today. We signed him up for swimming lessons. He loves the pool and water so I really thought he would be ok. He wailed and cried the entire time. First he didn't want to out on thenswimming "backpack". Then he didn't want anything to do with the instructor. He wanted me to come in with him which I couldn't do.

And then to make matters worse one of the girls in the class told her dad that my son was being annoying to her. And I could see the instructor getting annoyed. She even looked him straight in the eyes and asked sternly "why are you crying?"

I didn't know what to do. I knew if she would just take a little more time to get him accustomed to her and the pool he would calm down but she had six other students. I tried and tried to call them this week to give them the heads up on his disability but no one ever picked up the phone. At the end she was trying to tell me that I needed to have a "talk" with him for next week because they can't have him being that loud. I felt crushed and couldn't even respond because in felt the tears coming. I finally was able to mutter "he is autistic.". She backed down at that point and I just had to get out of there. My son was then even more hysterical because now we were leaving and he didn't get to swim at all.

So he and I both cried hysterically the whole way home.

I hate it! I hate that he is different. I hate to think that people were judging him. I wish he didn't have to face the challenges that he does.

I hate autism!!!!!!

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

Wow ! I am not so sure your son's behavior was so "atypical". It's a first lesson, in a swimming pool with a bunch of little guys ! I would think that being a bit "out of sorts' and maybe 'fearful" is a completely normal feeling.

Why did that instructor speak to him that way ? I don't care that she had six other kids, you don't speak sternly to a child you just met who is crying on the first day ! You just don't !

I worked in a public school for years, and I used have to bite my tongue so many times as I witnessed teachers speaking rudely to children. It's disgraceful !

My heart goes out to you and your son ! The last thing you need now is for him to associate swimming and pools with this instructor. I would speak to the supervisor of the place, and focus on how the instructor acted/reacted.

I truly hope you find a great swimming class for your son, both you and him deserve it!

Tons of

Message edited 7/8/2011 9:49:54 AM.

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

Can you try private lessons for a while until he gets used to it? We did that for a few months and now I am bringing him to the pool myself. I am considering trying group lessons in the fall, now that he is more comfortable in the water and see how it goes.

I feel for you. We just finished gymnastics this spring and it was rough. Luckily there, though, the teachers were very understanding and helpful.

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

wait...wait...wait....first off where is your son taking lessons??
That is SO UNPROFESSIONAL!!!!!

Like sapphire posted, I take both my boys to lessons, and see many typical kids cry the ENTIRE session. I cant believe they said that to you. My son has autism and LOVES the water, if they told me he cant be that loud...I would tell them where to go and put my $$ some other place.
I know it is so hard to have a child with a disability,
This week has been so hard because Christopher is off this week, and he is off his rocker. He is all out of supplements and so out of his routine

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

We live in NJ so this isn't a place anyone would know.

I do plan on calling them today (if I can get them to pick up the phone) and talking to them about how dissapointed I was about how we were treated. Needless to say we are not going back. I'll pay them for the first "lesson" if they insist but I'm not paying the full amount. I'm glad we didn't have to prepay.

The whole situation was odd which added to my stress of it all but my son's behavior and their inability to try and accomodate is what had me most upset. I also really wasn't happy with the lesson. It is a rolling admission so the other kids were more experienced with swimming even though this was a begginer class. They knew exactly what to do and she didn't really have to show them anything. If my son was more cooperative that learning style would not have worked with him anyway. He needs hands on training. Believe me, he picks up very fast but needs to be shown. He wasn't going to get that here.

I know my son pretty well. I know that if she could have just been a little "friendlier" he would have come around.

I'm already on plan "b" and I've called a few places. We are either going to try and find a "special needs" class or get him private lessons. He LOVES to swim and I don't want to take this opportunity away from him. Just hate that it turned out this way.

Thanks to everyone for the support and for letting me vent.

Message edited 7/8/2011 3:13:01 PM.

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

How horrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.


As a teacher, especially in early childhood, I have been disgusted by the behaviors of colleagues towards children with special needs. I always made sure to be in-tune to children's sensitivities without their parents telling me if they had special needs or not.

As the sister of someone with autism, I would've flipped out on this girl and walked out. You're working with CHILDREN. Have a little patience, do some problem solving, if you're frustrated that easily, IMO don't work with kids.

I was 9 when my brother was diagnosed, so I remember a lot of the process and how hard it was on my parents. I can imagine in the beginning my mother must've cried like you did. But one thing my mother told me as the years went on is NOTHING gives you strength like having a special needs child. Once she had to go to his CSE meetings and fight for services, she said she became a lot stronger because of my brother and having to advocate for him.

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

I am so sorry DS and you had such a horrible experience. As others have already said though, I think this is less of an issue with DS and more of an issue with the instructor and the way the classes are run. If you can do one-on-one with him, or find a class that starts out with a group of kids who are all beginners, that would probably work better.

She should not have spoken to him that way. Lots of kids have a hard time learning to swim--I was 7 when I learned, not on the spectrum, and I cried too when it was time to put my head underwater. That scared me so much, but once I learned, I loved being in the water.

I think you are on the right track. Cut your losses with this place (though I would tell them exactly why you are dropping the class) and go somewhere else.

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

I can't believe how stressful it must have been.



We do private lessons at Saf T Swim. I clearly told them ahead of time that DS was autistic. Asked if they had an issue with it and if they had an instructor that would work best with him.

DS LOVES his instructor. He is a young kid but works with several kids on the spectrum.

It really is making a difference.

It's loud in that place. Like loud because of TYPICAL kids.

I honestly ask ALL the places we try if they are OK with my kid enrolling in the program AND if they have experienced with special needs kids.

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

Posted by smdl

I can't believe how stressful it must have been.



We do private lessons at Saf T Swim. I clearly told them ahead of time that DS was autistic. Asked if they had an issue with it and if they had an instructor that would work best with him.

DS LOVES his instructor. He is a young kid but works with several kids on the spectrum.

It really is making a difference.

It's loud in that place. Like loud because of TYPICAL kids.

I honestly ask ALL the places we try if they are OK with my kid enrolling in the program AND if they have experienced with special needs kids.


This is where chris goes.

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

That really REALLY sucks. How old was this instructor?
I can say from 2 perspectives (one being as a parent of a PDD-NOS child and as a swim instructor) that this is so unprofessional. Many children, typical and atypical kids have a hard time getting into the lessons that first time. Some kids never make it out to the pool deck, honestly. Pools are loud, echo-y, and scary for must kids. I would call and speak to the aquatics director pronto.
Wish you lived out on LI. I work at the YMCA in Bay Shore and we have a class just for special needs kids where they all get 1:1 instruction. My DD had some very severe sensory issues with water and now she's an amazing swimmer.

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

I can totally relate. It s*cks so bad....

Re: Those Painful Reminders.....

Totally inappropriate! I'd definitley get in contact with a head person and let them know!