ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

So...asthma.

been to the ped once a week for awhile.

Finally, my big appt, with pulmonary specialist is here.

2:40 today.

Worked it out with Gavin's mom...she will be here by 2:10.

Get home from storytime...appt got changed to 1.

Leo doesn't need to be at work till 3.

Soooo...Leo takes Josh to dr today at 1..Gavin gets picked up, then I will relieve Leo at dr so he can go to work.

(appt is 2.5 hours long)

I write an essay that I need leo to read to the dr.

I tell him to give me these 2 minutes of his life and read essay to dr. or none of this is worth it ($$$$$)

he says fine.

I say I will know when I get there if it was read or not.

well....you know what happens next.

its just so much info. Am I wrong for making him read it to dr?

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

No you're not wrong...but I do understand that why he didnt read it. It's a man thing. It was embarrassing for him ... It's kind of like how whenever I send DH to the grocery store for something and I have a coupon. He never uses the coupon. He always says he "forgets". He doesnt forget...he's embarrassed to use a coupon..

The P E N I S does something to their minds and doesnt allow them to do certain things...ridiculous isnt it?

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

oh no...I haven't gotten to dr yet.

I swear if I find out it wasn't read....god help him.

but I am sadly almost expecting it not to be read.

isn't it good enough that he lives life without all these facts in his head?????????

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

nope, you are not wrong for asking him to read it----I would do the same thing in your situation----my DH would never get all the details right or ask all my questions bc while he loves him more than anything, he just so laid back about things.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Can I play devils advocate?

What if the tables were turned? DH made you do something like that? How would it make you feel?

With us, DH would not read that letter, Why? Cause i know he would say that it would make him look like a childish fool who doesn't know their own baby well enough that mommy had to send him in with a note. He's their father.

I wouldn't do it if the tables were turned...tad bit humiliating.

BUT...if he really doesn't know the symptoms and such, i would make sure he knew before he went.

Sorry SOmetimes as mommy's we have to give up being control freaks.

ETA: Just curious...If you were going to meet Leo at the doc with DS, why did he have to take the note? Couldn't you update the doc with what leo might have missed? I'm not trying to put blame or make you feel bad

Message edited 10/2/2008 1:38:19 PM.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

I don't think you were totally wrong, but I can understand why he wouldn't want to read an essay to the doctor. I think you are 100% correct in wanting Leo to get the info communicated directly to the doctor, but I can see why he might feel embarrassed by it.

My DH has never taken DS to the doctor by himself and I am not sure how he would handle it. But I have to say, *I* often make a list of bullet points and question to talk about when I am there, because when I don't, there are always things I forget to bring up. If I were sending DH, I would send him with the same list of bullet points that I would make for myself.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

thanks!

I called recpt.

He said dr will base all tests that are done on what the parents tell him.

So, I am missing first 1.5 hours of appt.

I wanted him to know what reactions he has had, when they happened, what meds worked, what didn't..

I know, Leo would get there and say, he coughs a lot at night. That's the part that leo knows and hears.

I knew the letter was going to be iffy...I just want to make sure Josh has a great appt.

I have spent so much money on copays and prescribtions that have been changed 2 days later for a different one.

They wanted to see all the meds, Leo would not have any idea what med was taken 2 weeks ago...he only knows the current ones that we give him.

I knew it was iffy, I felt weird doing it.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

I still think you did the right thing----on such short notice there is no way my DH would learn all the details! I hope the appt goes well!

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Maybe he'll just hand it to the MD to read - that way your thoughts get noted but he doesn't have to read it out loud. Either way, I agree it's important that the specialist have ALL the details - from you.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

thanks!

most of it was written by me last night, for me...

ER visits, what they gave him
hospitalizations..

so many dates, triggers.

I guess I won't apologize for giving it to him...but I won't ask if he read it or not since what is done is done.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Posted by Janice

thanks!

I called recpt.

He said dr will base all tests that are done on what the parents tell him.

So, I am missing first 1.5 hours of appt.

I wanted him to know what reactions he has had, when they happened, what meds worked, what didn't..

I know, Leo would get there and say, he coughs a lot at night. That's the part that leo knows and hears.

I knew the letter was going to be iffy...I just want to make sure Josh has a great appt.

I have spent so much money on copays and prescribtions that have been changed 2 days later for a different one.

They wanted to see all the meds, Leo would not have any idea what med was taken 2 weeks ago...he only knows the current ones that we give him.

I knew it was iffy, I felt weird doing it.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Posted by LuvMy2Girls

Can I play devils advocate?

What if the tables were turned? DH made you do something like that? How would it make you feel?

With us, DH would not read that letter, Why? Cause i know he would say that it would make him look like a childish fool who doesn't know their own baby well enough that mommy had to send him in with a note. He's their father.

I wouldn't do it if the tables were turned...tad bit humiliating.

BUT...if he really doesn't know the symptoms and such, i would make sure he knew before he went.

Sorry SOmetimes as mommy's we have to give up being control freaks.

ETA: Just curious...If you were going to meet Leo at the doc with DS, why did he have to take the note? Couldn't you update the doc with what leo might have missed? I'm not trying to put blame or make you feel bad

Message edited 10/2/2008 1:55:18 PM.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

I think there is nothing wrong with what you did. It's your son's health - no reason to stand on principal in this situation. Can you text him and just ask him to at least give the dr the letter if he won't read it?

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Janice - I think you absolutely did the right thing - and I also think that Leo will refer to the letter. He may not read it to the doctor word for word - but when they are discussing things Leo may refer back to the letter for answers.

I hope it all works out - keep us posted!

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Why don't you fax over all that info the the Dr. so he has it before Leo gets there and the Dr. can read it himself.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

r u kidding me? this is yoour kid not a goldfish---of course you should write everything down!
when they do allergy testing they tell you to!
later on if something is missed they will ask why u never said anything...
always go with your gut...
1000000000000% write that essay.


ok I re-read it---he didn't read it---fax it immed.

Message edited 10/2/2008 2:39:30 PM.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

You absolutley did the right thing!!! If I were sending DH, I would have done it too. Actually, I have done it. He forgets things. Heck, I've brought notes when I was going. The doctor and your DS can easily distract you. It's always better to have everything in writing so you don't forget.

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

No not wrong.. your being a mother!

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Posted by MST9106

Posted by LuvMy2Girls

Can I play devils advocate?

What if the tables were turned? DH made you do something like that? How would it make you feel?

With us, DH would not read that letter, Why? Cause i know he would say that it would make him look like a childish fool who doesn't know their own baby well enough that mommy had to send him in with a note. He's their father.

I wouldn't do it if the tables were turned...tad bit humiliating.

BUT...if he really doesn't know the symptoms and such, i would make sure he knew before he went.

Sorry SOmetimes as mommy's we have to give up being control freaks.

ETA: Just curious...If you were going to meet Leo at the doc with DS, why did he have to take the note? Couldn't you update the doc with what leo might have missed? I'm not trying to put blame or make you feel bad

I think this is a little bit of a different scenario...Janice wrote sort of a synopsis of everything that has been happening with their son's asthma...asthma episodes, ER and dr visits...I think my husband would be very appreciative of me having a detailed synopsis, wanting our son to receive the best and most appropriate care possible.

The doctor doesn't know the situation...maybe the father works a lot and is not really there all the time, maybe they are divorced, etc etc...

Janice I think you did the right thing, its not even that he is not going to read it bc he doesn't feel like it type of a thing...you should have mentioned how important it is for future treatments...

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

Posted by LuvMy2Girls

Posted by MST9106

Posted by LuvMy2Girls

Can I play devils advocate?

What if the tables were turned? DH made you do something like that? How would it make you feel?

With us, DH would not read that letter, Why? Cause i know he would say that it would make him look like a childish fool who doesn't know their own baby well enough that mommy had to send him in with a note. He's their father.

I wouldn't do it if the tables were turned...tad bit humiliating.

BUT...if he really doesn't know the symptoms and such, i would make sure he knew before he went.

Sorry SOmetimes as mommy's we have to give up being control freaks.

ETA: Just curious...If you were going to meet Leo at the doc with DS, why did he have to take the note? Couldn't you update the doc with what leo might have missed? I'm not trying to put blame or make you feel bad

I think this is a little bit of a different scenario...Janice wrote sort of a synopsis of everything that has been happening with their son's asthma...asthma episodes, ER and dr visits...I think my husband would be very appreciative of me having a detailed synopsis, wanting our son to receive the best and most appropriate care possible.

The doctor doesn't know the situation...maybe the father works a lot and is not really there all the time, maybe they are divorced, etc etc...

Janice I think you did the right thing, its not even that he is not going to read it bc he doesn't feel like it type of a thing...you should have mentioned how important it is for future treatments...

And yes i would want my DH to have that information as well. BUt like is said above, i am picturing Janice have LEo read her note to the doc, he could just hand it to the doc since Janice is the primary caretaker.

I'm sorry but i learned the hard way that the more you treat your DH like he is less of parent, the more he backs off and puts more of the parenting in your lap.

and like i said above too, i'm just playing devil's advocate, trying to see it from how my DH would see it. (YES i asked him)

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

I would have definitely written it all out like you did - and get that paper back if Leo has it because it's very important to keep for all his visits!

And my DH would have happily taken the letter with him...BUT...he would have read it over and over while waiting and probably handed it over to the doctor - going over key things he might have remembered reading.

I have given my husband lists each and every time he goes to the doctor - the same lists I would bring if I were to go to the appt and we have never had a problem. He has flat out told me that if I didn't give him the list he would have only followed the doctor's lead on the appt.

Janice - you had the right intention...trying to make sure that the doctor knew the full history on your son. I don't think that you were wrong at all and I am sure that your husband understands at the core you had the best intention...you had the note for yourself as well to read...but in the event that your DH took offense...maybe let him know that you didn't mean it as any type of assumption on his lack of parenting. He'll understand...he loves you and he loves Josh!

Re: ughhhh....how wrong was I...if I was even wrong?

I think you did the right thing! It's hard to remember everything you want to say and I would have done something similar. As for Leo reading it..well, my DH probably would have given the short version. I hope all went well!