Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

I went to go watch Jared's show today at his school. He was the only one who decided to take off his angel wings and halo and throw them on the floor. Figures, my son is the one who has to be different. He even sat down during the performance and didn't want to sing.

This is the first time he has been in a school setting. He started in September of this year...no previous daycare or mommy and me type classes. Is this normal behavior for a 3 1/2 year old or do I just have a defiant child?

I'm also embarassed to say this but whatever...
He also was upset when we were driving home. When I asked him what was wrong he said he was sad because a boy yelled at him. I asked him what happened and he said that he called the boy stupid and the boy told him that he shouldn't say that word...that that's not nice. I've had problems with him saying stupid. He first heard it on a Disney movie and then Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin has an overload of "stupids".

When we got home I talked to him about saying that word and how upset it makes me when I find out that he says it. He promised me he wouldn't say it anymore but I know my son...

I'm just frustrated. I see the other kids and they all are so well adjusted...

Ugh...sorry this is so long, thanks for reading...

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

I've been there too. It was hard to see my child struggle with that kind of thing too.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

DS Ethan is about the same age as Jared... We did a mommy & me preschool type of class last year and he is fairly well-adjusted to his 3 yr old class - he doesn't cry when I leave and is pretty good....but today's xmas show was a whole other story... All Ethan wanted to do was run and sit on my lap...he did not completely melt down but it was close I was on my own as DH had to work and all I wanted was a cute holiday show... You're not alone...I think it really has to do with the age and remember this is their FIRST experience with something like this (being on stage, performance)...

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Stef...my friend's son does the same thing during those performances. He won't sing, and even makes faces at the teacher.

Listen, some kids aren't the born performers and aren't into the whole spotlight thing. I totally get it. I was the kid during my first dance recital that sat on the stage and cried. Then I grew uo and became a dance teacher.

It's one of those situations you can't force. One day Jared might surprise you and land the lead in the school play. Or, he might not. Every kid is so different, doesn't make one better or worse, or more adjusted.

Joey is a doll on stage. He hams it up with the best of them. Joey off stage...well, you know him so I don't have to tell YOU.

He might have had that tiff before the show which threw him off. Or it could have had NOTHING to do with it. Kids are moody, and definitely know what they like and don't like. He might not be into the school shows now...who knows what a few years will bring.

As far as being embarrassed...there were probably so many parents in the room who have BTDT. And if they were at you, don't worry...their day will come one day...you wait and see.

Meanwhile...enroll Jared in some drama classes. That may be more towards his calling.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Posted by nrthshgrl


I've been there too. It was hard to see my child struggle with that kind of thing too.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Thanks ladies. I'm not expecting Jared to be a drama major , I just thought he'd be a little bit more into it.

As for being embarassed about him saying stupid...I just don't want his teacher to think that we throw that word around at home or even call him that...

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Stef - as much as I would love to meet you I fear that Ava & Jack may be a bad influence

Ava was like that last year - this year she's much better.

Jack....well, nothing is ever easy with him. He threw a temper tantrum before they even starting and was screaming to the point he almost puked. I had every parent looking at me and I wanted to just crawl under a rock and die.

I'm sure the teachers know that you love Jared and don't call him names - they are sponges and pick up things that we do try to control but we can't keep them in a bubble.

Hugs

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Not to make light of this but there is an 80's movie with Steve Martin called Parenthood. Go rent it and now that you have kids, it takes on a whole new meaning and just has me . Sometimes when I have these days (which is often), I watch this movie with a glass of wine and it reminds me everyone goes through this to some extent.

BTW, I paid $500 for a fancy french ballet class in my town. My daughter hated the class and on the final day of the recital where parents and grandparents could come- videos rolling and cameras snapping away- she peed through her diaper right on the wooden stage. They had to stop the class, wipe up the pee, and I had to change her out of her ballet clothes and back into her jeans and street clothes to finish the class. I was super embarrassed then, but now we all crack up at it. I consider it a classic!
hth

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

As a teacher do not feel embarrased about her thinking u through the word around, we all know kids are kids and say many things they are not supposed to say and things they hear sometimes only once. Dont feel bad about him not being into it again as teachers we all know sometimes kids just have off days, it is not any real reflection of the paretns or of the child himself.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Steph he is also adjusting to having a new baby at home. You will see once he has a little ore time being the "big brother" things will get better.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

My 3yo DS, as much of a ham he is at home ...is that little boy who refused to wear his indian hat and sing ' "A Turkey named Albequerque" just about a month ago while at his Thanksgiving feast ( but repeatedly sang it in the car on the way home !), and the same one who wouldnt wear his devil hood at the Halloween Parade and sing the Halloween song and will probably be the same one next Tuesday at his Breakfast w/ Santa , who won't sing "Mistletoe and Holly" for me ( even though I've heard it loud and clear at home 1000 times ...You're not alone , I'm just now learning to accept that he's just trying to assert his own "authority" and will do things when and if he wants to I guess....

As for the name calling- you'd be suprised,... I know if feels like your DC is the only one, but go 1 on 1 with another mom and she'll probably say she feels the same way about her own DC...Its human nature and wilth time this shall pass

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Posted by Stacey1403

Steph he is also adjusting to having a new baby at home. You will see once he has a little ore time being the "big brother" things will get better.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

I think it's totally normal...don't worry! If it makes you feel better, my DD (who has done tons of mommy and me classes) REFUSED to go on stage with her class after she spotted me in the audience! She came running to me crying her eyes out and wouldn't leave my side!
I was sooo embarassed and upset...but, I figured it's only nursery school and not that big of a deal.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

My son just turned 3 and I can totally see him acting the same way your son did. Also, my son says stupid ALL the time too. We've tried talking to him and tell him everytime he says it that it's not a nice word, it hurts people, etc. but he still says it. I just think it's their age and they'll outgrow it.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Don't feel bad. Ava went through the "stupid" phase last year. She also went through a stage where she called everyone an Old Lady..talk about being mortified!!!!

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

I think it's normal. Last year at Dee's moving up ceremony she was the only one that refused to wear the shirt. She wouldn't come out. She sat on one of the assistants laps the whole time. Didn't wave her flag or sing. This is the same child that for weeks had marched around the house doing her songs loudly and proudly. I was disappointed. Her teacher said she spent the morning crying. I tried not to make a big deal about it. Squish was only about 6 weeks old and life was crazy. SShe saiys she was scared of all the people but she hadn't seen how many there were before she came out so I don't know what it was all about. I think it's a lot for them

Don't let it bother you too much. It will be something you will laugh about years from now.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Well, Cailen is only 20 mts, but he clearly marches to the beat of his own drummer, especially in groups. The thing that makes me feel better is knowing he will always be an independent thinker.

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

Re: Ugh...my child has to be different (a vent)

I think its normal behavior; with or without school experience.

ESP. for boys.

Rj got in trouble this week for playing "guns".

I think continuing to send him to school, along with reinforcing positive behavior at home will change these things.

I know with Rj- if they tell me that "blank" happened at school, me going home and "discussing" it with him, makes a WORLD of difference. It shows him that we (teachers and I) are on the same page...

You are a great mom Stef, and Jared is a great little boy!