UPDATED: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

UPDATE:

I spoke to DH last night. I told him I want to be there for him and to say goodbye to Helmut. He told me he'd like for me to say goodbye but it's not necessary for me to come to the vet... I told him I know it's not "necessary" and he said he really wants it to be just him and Helmut for the last moments.
Men are strange I guess lol.
I will be going to say goodbye either tonight (if the appointment is made for Friday) or Sunday (if the appointment is made for monday). And thank you all for your input - i don't think I was thinking clearly at first.

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the time has come to say goodbye to helmut. he lives at MIL's since we moved out of there in november and couldn't take him with us. Since he's been ill, i've seen him maybe 4-5 times... it's been really hard for me, i've never had to deal with a sick pet or putting a pet down (my own kitty is 17+ years old and still going).

anyway this is DH's cat. it is very hard for me and i can only imagine how hard it is for DH. i really want to remember him as he was - the spunky cat who used to lay on DH's chest until he woke up to let him out, or who would knock stuff off the dresser to wake us up... etc, etc.

at this point his shoulder tumor is massive and he can't really walk anymore. i don't want to see him like that, but part of me feels like I SHOULD be there for DH.

Will I regret not going? Am I being selfish?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. TIA.

Message edited 5/18/2011 9:47:56 AM.

Re: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

Personally, I'd want to say goodbye. I know I'd regret it if I didn't go.

I remember when I was 16, my childhood dog was really sick and it was just a matter of time. I was away in Canada with my friend but we came home early for some reason. I walked in the door as they were getting ready to leave to take my dog to the vet. I was devastated but I was so glad I got to hug her one last time.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Re: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

When we had to put our beloved Buddy to sleep my husband and I were there with him. I was glad we was there because I was able to say goodbye to him and also comfort him during his last minutes here with us. The vets office gave us some time after the procedure and even when I said my final goodbye to him I waited until they took him away because I did not want him to be alone in the room.

Having DH with me was a big help. He was there to comfort me and also say goodbye to Buddy. I knew he was uncomfortable being there but he stayed for me. I felt it helped me grieve over his loss.

Message edited 5/17/2011 3:59:32 PM.

Re: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

I can only tell you that I have never regretted being there for a pet when they were euthanized, but I do regret the few times I was not there when I was young. It helped me to know that I was there for my babies in their last moments...that I got to pet them, kiss them, and comfort them...and make sure they were finally at peace.

I'm so sorry that you and your DH are going through this. Many prayers for Helmut's peaceful passing

Re: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

I am sorry for you and your DH..and for Helmut.

Re: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

Thank you everyone. I am going to tell DH that I will be there with him if he wants me there. Scheduling is such an issue because DH is working all week (7a-7p) and heading out of town on friday early morning. He does NOT want to wait for it to be convenient for him because he thinks it's selfish and doesn't want H. to suffer any longer. In which case MIL will take him. I don't want that to happen but it may be inevitable depending on the vet's hours.
I hate this so much... my heart is hurting.

Re: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

i would want to say goodbye too. be supportive.
i was very pregnant when our cat rusty died. it was very sad and i cried. the support around really helped.

Re: UPDATED: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

updated

Re: UPDATED: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

I'm glad you're going to at least be able to say goodbye to him and at least you gave DH the option to have you there. I'm so sorry you both had to make this decision.

Re: UPDATED: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

Re: UPDATED: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

Ask your DH I know I had to go when we put his dog down, because he was so hysterical afterwards that he couldn't even drive

He might want to be alone, though, and that's okay too.

ETA: I just saw your update... I'm so glad he was able to be honest with you What a hard thing to deal with. Many hugs and for Helmut

Message edited 5/18/2011 11:16:41 AM.

Re: UPDATED: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

thank you everyone

Re: UPDATED: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

Re: UPDATED: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye

I think you are making the right decision. Nothing worse than regret. So sorry for all that you both are going through.

Re: UPDATED: dilemma... whether to go to vet when it's time to say goodbye