VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

What a new fracking year!

On Xmas my MIL and my hubby’s step father give us our xmas gifts and also remind us we’re coming to see their new condo on Jan 1st which is really not a good day for us since we knew we were going to Queens on the 31st and going home (Suffolk) only to turn around and go to Brooklyn on the 1st?

So my xmas gifts were a sweater for me and a shirt for my hubby. Both had the Macy’s tags still on them and both were too large. Plus we got $100 to help with the money we spent on preparing Xmas dinner (which I was sick and even though I made it, I didn’t eat any). So $50 went to gas, since I know I’d have to go to Queens/Brooklyn in a week. And $50 went to groceries and laundry. That means really the money was gone before it had a chance to warm our wallets.

We went to Macy’s and returned the items…. $12.99 & $19.99 respectively. Got my hubby some slacks and I got nothing. Lame.

My hubby asked for an ‘allet’ (sort of wallet) for xmas so I had his brother buy him that. My BIL always calls ahead to see what to buy. My hubby told him to buy me a B&N card. BIL went on a cruise with girlfriend so we didn’t him until last night. We left him a $50 gift card to Melting Pot and $50 gift card for Vicky’s for his girl.

SO, last night we go over to Brooklyn and here’s what happens.

B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L condo. For a little over $500K no big surprise, but it’s a three bedroom two bath, new construction gorgeous place. Meanwhile my hubby and I still have to pay rent. My FIL bought this place lump sum payment. And he still owns his co-op two blocks away. So pardon me if I’m a little put off by your flaunted your beautiful new place when my hubby and I can’t put a savings account aside to start seeding for a home.

Then my BIL makes the announcement we’ve all been waiting for… during the cruise he popped the question. Again, beautiful ring, and I am honestly happy for them…. BUT guess what? That means they’ll be living as a married couple now in the condo that is co-owned by my hubby and BIL. The condo I think is a waste of time and effort since we’d rather just take our share $100K and put it toward a place of our own. The Condo is also paid off, so BIL and FSIL are living there F-R-E-E as noted by the fact she quit her job and is now going to school full time (yak).

What the heck? What about us????? My SIL in Albany (Jim’s youngest sibling) doesn’t pay rent either, my ILs pay for that too. Where did we go wrong??????

So then my BIL gives us our Xmas gifts. My hubby gets the wallet which he was surprised and happy. He even recognized that I took care of him with that even though his brother bought it. Me???

I got squat. Some souvenirs from their cruise to Cozumel, Mexico. I of course took it graciously but my hubby got home and apologized for his family. Said he was sorry I really ended up with nothing for Xmas.

So Happy Frackin New Year. No home, no prospect of a home and no Xmas gifts but I need to be happy for my ILs new home, prospect of income from selling their old co-op (which he bought for $38K so you KNOW there’s profit) and my BILs marriage, oh and he’s ‘redoing’ his bedroom as a study area for school too with his new laptop, etc. Oh and btw…

Veronica? We’ll call you when we need your truck to help us move/install new stuff in the bedroom/help us move our new purchases for the home/bedroom.

Freaking THANKS (meanwhile my truck needs $800 repairs that I don’t have and my FIL has to the NERVE to say “Shouldn’t you be saving for a home?”

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

I'm not really sure why you are upset? The fact that your IL's bought a new place has nothing to do with whether or not you and DH buy a home unless you expect them to purchase a home for you?

As far as the condo that BIL and DH own, I'm assuming that is an investment???? If so, talk to DH about selling his half. I would also assume that BIL is paying for the current costs of the condo? If not, I would speak with DH about that. The cost of living there should be the brunt of the occupants.

As as far as SIL, that really isn't any of your business or DH's regarding how her rent gets paid.

I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy your gifts but they are just that...gifts.

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

I can understand how you feel. You go out of your way to get them nice gifts and you are unappreciated. I know the feeling all too well.

You know what I've learned what to expect from certain people in my life?

Nothing.

My father always told me, never expect anyone is going to do something for you. You want something done, do it yourself.

Your BIL sound like he was too wrapped up in his girlfriend and probably forgot all about you, hence why you got leftover gifts from the cruise. Has he always been that forgetful?

How is your realationship with your dh's side of the family? Does everyone get along? I don't know if your in laws were flaunting their place...maybe they're just excited about it and wanted to share it with their family. I guess I would feel jealous.

What I suggest for this situation? Have your dh sell his part of the co-op and take that money for yourselves.

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

I can understand your frustration -

Is there some reason BIL lives rent free in the condo he and your DH own, rather than you and DH ? (I'm sure he's paying the fees/taxes etc? - and that is not your DH's responsibility ..........??)
If it's paid off, it can easily be rented as additional income for the brothers to SHARE ........but there's still the matter of the fees and taxes -

And were you ASKED to help them move? Or did you offer?



........Live and learn. I wouldn't be going out of my way to spend a fortune on them any time soon - Unfortunately, you can't change people.

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

I kind of get where you are coming from too. Sometimes, whether its justified or not, you can feel like you work really hard and just can't get ahead and other people seem to just trip into good luck.

Sometimes I can feel like that too. DH and I are working really hard and saving for a house and stuff and sometimes I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Meanwhile there are people around me that just seem to find themselves in these "idealistic" situations and barely have to lift so much as a finger for them. Its hard.... it's jealousy... its frustration. When I feel like that, I take a step back and take a good hard look at what I do have and I am proud that I've worked and earned what I have.

And if I were you,I'd have DH tell his bro to either buy him out (w/ the condo) or he's selling so you guys rightfully have your money back to use towards things you need. Mixing money and family always causes stress.

for you in the meantime.

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

You said that you and your DH still have to pay rent...are you paying rent to your ILs? I was confused about that part...

Anyway, I can understand your frustration - but there isn't much you can do here. I realize this is a vent though. The best thing you could do is have your DH sell his half of the condo. There is no reason why your BIL and FSIL should be living there rent free when you two could use that money toward a new home. GL!

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Posted by MarisaK

I can understand your frustration -

Is there some reason BIL lives rent free in the condo he and your DH own, rather than you and DH ? (I'm sure he's paying the fees/taxes etc? - and that is not your DH's responsibility ..........??)
If it's paid off, it can easily be rented as additional income for the brothers to SHARE ........but there's still the matter of the fees and taxes -

And were you ASKED to help them move? Or did you offer?

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Whose money originally paid for the condo with your DH's name? Did his parents give the downpayment? If they gave the downpayment and the money didn't come from your DH, I can see why they would think they have a say in what happens with it.

It stinks that they aren't giving you handouts like they give the rest of them, but I personally don't accept handouts because they usually come with strings attached. Even if they offered money to help with a DP I wouldn't take it...At least you know that you earned anything you own, which is more than the rest of them can say.

I do think that your DH should tell BIL that DH won't be paying the taxes on the condo since BIL is the one living there.

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Posted by Xelindrya

Posted by MarisaK

I can understand your frustration -

Is there some reason BIL lives rent free in the condo he and your DH own, rather than you and DH ? (I'm sure he's paying the fees/taxes etc? - and that is not your DH's responsibility ..........??)
If it's paid off, it can easily be rented as additional income for the brothers to SHARE ........but there's still the matter of the fees and taxes -

And were you ASKED to help them move? Or did you offer?

My hubby and I put in the taxes. This year it was half and half, we pay about $2400 a year and so does the BIL. So his ‘rent’ is $200 a month.

We’re were informed we were helping them move. Actually at first it was just come visit the new place, which of course we can’t say no to (that’s rude) so we said yes. It wasn’t until Xmas dinner we found out we were helping them move.

I thought I made a mistake and said so “Sorry, I didn’t realize you wanted us to bring the truck, we could have taken a train in”. The answer “well you know now”. Well alrighty then.

On a funny note, as most truck owners may feel, I think I should start charging rent on my truck for the amount of usage they get.. hehe

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Posted by Stefanie

Posted by Xelindrya
On a funny note, as most truck owners may feel, I think I should start charging rent on my truck for the amount of usage they get.. hehe

If they're using your truck and driving back and forth using YOUR gas, they should pay for that. Gas isn't cheap!!

Message edited 1/2/2008 9:44:54 AM.

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

I think if they are living there rent free, asking them to pay your share of the taxes on the place is perfectly reasonable.

Be prepped for an argument though!

I also understand having a bit of the green-eyed monster every once in awhile. I've been there myself.

What grounds me though is when I hear that people I am jealous of are really living from paycheck to paycheck and beyond their means (found this out recently when I saw a lot of people buying houses, and really they are "house poor").

I feel better now about our situation because we waited to buy a house and we aren't going to be house poor when we do!

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

the reason you are feeling this way is because they are all enabling each other with their passive/aggressive behavior.

It's a way of keeping someone else down or feeling bad. Basically saying it's raining while they spit on you.

You are right to feel this way.

Your DH has to put his foot down. You have to get your money out of the condo and who cares if they don't give you any more money toward the house. Buy what you can afford with the proceeds and based on your income and leave it at that.

When they mention all their riches change the subject. Get right off of it and don't let yourself stew in it.

Your DH has to take a more aggressive approach to this situation. You need to tell him it's no longer acceptable. Your truck is not the local UHaul and your feelings are worth more than any amount of money they could give you.

I agree, don't take anything from them. And, tell BIL to fork over the taxes or you will start showing the condo.

I'm sure that your in laws are helping them with the wedding.

I think this is all a croc.

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Reading th9is story makes me really angry. I can definitely understand the way you feel. The other psoters have already given some great advice. I will just offer some for now. I would take the investment from the Condo NOW and get your own place and feel satisfied with the fact that unlike BIL and SIL, you and DH are taking care of yourselves.

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)

Who paid the downpayment for the condo? Was it DH and his brother, or the ILs? I can kind of see how they can refuse to sell right now if it was their money as DP. If it was DH's money, I don't see why anyone can argue with him wanting his own money back. It's different if it wasn't his money going towards the DP though.

Re: VENT: I am so freaking annoyed, frustrated and feeling helpless (long)