Vent: Mother Driving Me Crazy

It's been more than a week since I got home from the hospital with my baby. My mother has been living with me and helping out with the baby since then but lately she's been driving me NUTS!

We have entirely different ways of caring for an infant and she doesn't hesistate to tell me anytime I'm not doing exactly what she thinks is right. :P

Ie. she doens't want me picking up the baby unless he's hungry and she insists on putting a hat on the baby at all times and swaddling him in 3 layers indoors - 4-5 layers if he is sleeping! :P

If you had your mother or MIL come help with your newborn, how long did you finally tell them you appreciate their help but don't need them anymore?

I feel guilty about it but I need a break from my mother!

Re: Vent: Mother Driving Me Crazy

My mom had been "trained" by my other 2 sisters so she treaded lightly. Even with that I know I couldn't wait for everyone to go back to work so I can get into my own routine.

How long is she planning on staying? For the duration of her stay, you can grin & bear it or you can say "Thanks, I've got it."

Re: Vent: Mother Driving Me Crazy

She wants to stay another week but I'm ready to tell my dad to pick her up tomorrow.

It's frustrating when your mom comes from the 'old school' method of infant care and is ignorant of and scoffs at the new method.

Ie. swaddling, picking up the baby as often as is needed to better bond better, no blankets or toys in crib, etc.

Re: Vent: Mother Driving Me Crazy

To be honest, I would have lost it by now. I know I would have yelled at my mom by this point. Maybe when DH has the baby you can pull her aside and tell her how you feel. That as much as you genuinely appreciate her help, you're not looking for her to tell you how to raise your child. Let her know that you'll come to her for any advice, if you need it, but other than that you'll be doing things your own way. I'm sorry you're dealing with this frustration.

Re: Vent: Mother Driving Me Crazy

I'm so sorry you're having this difficulty. I can definately feel your pain. I had my MIL stay with me for 5 days and that was enough!! By the end, I had had it! She is the type that makes you feel like she is the only one who knows how to do anything right. She even criticized the type of chicken bouillion I had in the house and when she saw that I had the granules instead of the cubes she said, "let's make a shopping list, shall we?" and got a piece of paper and put Chicken Boullion cubes on it! She argued with me about boiling plastic baby bottles -- saying that they would melt. She would not let me go shopping for some personal items I needed after we left the hospital (just running into the store real quick), which I was capable of doing since DH was with me. At every meal, she had to discuss what we were having for the next meal. I know she was trying to be helpful, but I just had a c-section and was learning to be a new mother -- at 8am, I didn't CARE what we would have for dinner!!! All she wanted to do was cook and take care of the baby (which I felt I should be doing/learning). I needed help with things like laundry, sweeping/mopping, etc but she never offered to do any of those things. And my biggest gripe was that everytime my DD made a peep all she wanted to do was feed her. I was adamant about not overfeeding my baby and I made that clear to her but all she wanted to do was feed her. Finally, when I brought her to the doctor at a week old and they weighed her, she had gained more than she should have in a week. So when I got home, MIL was standing at the top of the stairs and said, "Sooo, how did it go???" and I snapped, "they said she is being overfed! She is supposed to gain 0.5 to 1oz per day and she is gaining alot more than that!!" I think she got the point because that night at dinner she told us she'd be going home the next night. From there on in, she has taken my lead on caring for my DD (for the most part ).

I'm not trying to hijack your post. I'm just hoping that by telling you my story, maybe you'll chuckle a bit and be able to feel a bit better.

I agree with Barb about trying to grin and bear it. I don't think losing your cool with her will help anybody. There may be a day when you really need her help/advice and you won't want her throwing your words back at you. Maybe what you can do with your Mom is tell her WHAT you need help with, and that you appreciate her help but that you need to learn how to take care of your baby now (without making her feel unwelcome). What I also found helpful with my MIL was to quote expert advice. For example: "THEY SAY NOW _______________ (insert whatever you want done for your baby)". For instance, when I was visiting my MIL one weekend, she was surprised that I put DD down for a nap so early in the morning (she was only a few months old mind you) so I said, "They say that in order to promote good sleep habits, she should take her first nap within 2 hours of waking up". So MIL just said, "Ooohhh."

Re: Vent: Mother Driving Me Crazy

I was 11 days late, my parents arrived on my due date. They left when he was 9 days old. It was a nightmare from start to finish.

I told her that if I was to have a baby this summer, which I may or may not be (this is not an announcement) no one is coming until after the baby is born. They said, fine.

My advice is, just don't be too sensitive about it, I know your hormones are all over the place...but don't take anything she says to heart.

At the end of the day I adopted this mantra, which I uttered to her on a regular basis. Dat your baby? No. Dat my baby.

Good luck! I'm feeling for ya!