What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

I don't want to be judgemental, and I'm certainly not the best mom in the world but we have really good friends who have two little boys - aged 2 and 4 - who are just terrors. The parents never discipline them, don't tell them no, laugh when they're naughty - and as a result they're fresh, destructive, selfish, obstinant and have no respect for any kind of authority. It drives me and DH crazy - we actually don't like the oldest boy as person and we both like kids. I don't know there just seems to be something wrong when you don't LIKE a 4 year old??

So before kids, we used to see the parents a lot - we used to do dinners at ours or theirs at least once a month, sometimes more. They've actually had us over a lot more than we've had them here lately, so we feel we "owe" them a few visits, but we have such a hard time getting the invite out! I fear for my house, my beige couch, my DVD player (which still hasn't recovered from the youngest banging on it last year with no one stopping him!) and my son's toys - which all seem to meet to some kind of destruction around them.

So I just wonder what happens when you've got friends that you don't think are good parents? Do you just not see them? Is it hard to maintain a friendship when they do things that you just don't agree with? We used to have such a good time with them, but i just feel like our friendship is not really going to survive their kids!

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

We had this problem as well and struggled with it for awhile before we both agreed that spending time with these friends was not in the best interest of our children. Parenting changes everything, including some old friendships. Interesting though, if we were to meet this couple now we would never wind up being friends. Sometimes history wll let friendships linger that would have disolved long ago.

You could try being friends without the kids....dinners out, lunch with the girls.

Now when one of your family members is a bad role model...well thats another story!

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

That stinks. ITA! Could you try to limit the visits including the children and justtry to see your friends more, like out to dinner, movie dates, etc.?

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

We don't have this issue with friends, but with family. Honestly, I am ALL OVER my boys when we are around them, and I have no problem being stern with the other kids (but again, this is family so it's a different situation)

If possible, I would do more things without the kids.

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

We have friends like that, it's more the mother not discplining the son than anything...One time her DS threw a large fork at DD when she wasn't even a year old while we were out to lunch, and instead of reprimanding him, since his face showed that he knew he totally did something wrong the second after he did it, she responded by saying to him in the sweetest voice possible to HIM not DD "It's OK honey" UMMMM It's OK to throw a fork at a baby, if it were my DD there would have been a major public time out, I don't care what it would have taken...this is just one example, the child was out of control, but he was a GOOD kid and just needed some discipline!! Her pediatrician actually told her at his 2.5 year check up that she needs to start reigning him in Now he's 3.5 and he's a different kid honestly..It's hard bc esp DH never wanted to hang out with them bc the child was so out of control, but something needs to be said

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

Thanks guys. We'd love to see them without the kids, but they don't ever seem to get a babysitter! I'll have to suggest it. We actually invited them over for lunch yesterday with another couple, but it turns out they were going away for the weekend and the other couple were watching their kids! So we ended up with the boys, without the parents! Totally backfired!

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

Posted by pickles16

We have friends like that, it's more the mother not discplining the son than anything...One time her DS threw a large fork at DD when she wasn't even a year old while we were out to lunch, and instead of reprimanding him, since his face showed that he knew he totally did something wrong the second after he did it, she responded by saying to him in the sweetest voice possible to HIM not DD "It's OK honey" UMMMM It's OK to throw a fork at a baby, if it were my DD there would have been a major public time out, I don't care what it would have taken...this is just one example, the child was out of control, but he was a GOOD kid and just needed some discipline!! Her pediatrician actually told her at his 2.5 year check up that she needs to start reigning him in Now he's 3.5 and he's a different kid honestly..It's hard bc esp DH never wanted to hang out with them bc the child was so out of control, but something needs to be said

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

Not w/ friends. but w/ family -
No one wants them in their house b/c their kids are totally out of control -

I have NO problem telling someone else's kid 'no' or 'don't touch' or 'that's not nice' or whatever, ESPECIALLY if that parent is in lala land. I'd never YELL or dicipling another person's child, but especially in MY house w/ MY kids - I have every right to open my mouth.

But who the hell wants to spend their night chasing after someone else's kid ??? Honestly, they' are rarely invited anymore

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

I now tend to spend less time with friends/family that either dont have children or dont have similar parenting styles. As adults we can say "to each their own" but its hard to explain to children why its ok for "little joey" to act like a beast and its not ok for my kids to act that way.
If you want to continue to spend time with them & have them over- i would just set the rules for the kids & say in our house we dont do xyz- and enforce the rules. There was a time when my nephew was hard to manage & i told him, these are the rules when your at my house- if you dont want to follow them, you cant play here any more.

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

I have a similiar situation and now I limit our play dates and get togethers to big open spaces like parks the beach etc -that way the kids can run wild and not wreck my house and we get to see the parents - they are nice people just different with their parenting skills to me.

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

Re: What do you do when your good friends are bad parents?

It is very hard. One of my best friends has a daughter a year older than DS. There were many situations when I felt DS was in danger because of her behavior. The worst was when she went over to DS who was 7 months old and grabbed his cheek to pull it and scratch it and would not let go. My son was hysterical crying (as he should have been). The little girl started to cry also and they mother grabbed her and said "awww she got scared". Are you kidding me?!?!? That is how you discipline your kid? I instantly left the playdate. I sent her a text that night saying that I think we have to hold off on playdates for a while. She got the hint. We have recently started to play again and I notice a huge change in how she handles her daughter. She finally reprimands her. Very tough situation to be in.