What the hell am I doing wrong?

All friggin day... every day that I'm home with my kids, no matter what all they do is cry. It's been like this since the beginning. They are twins I can't hold the both of them like little babies cradled In my arms, it clearly doesn't work like that with 2. I try and hold them as much as possible, lee them stimulated, they have plenty of toys, we singing, they are well fed, changed. We maybe have 10 minutes of not crying at a time but for hours all day every day all they do is cry to the point where I get so angry and frustrated I have to put them in their cribs and walk away with the door closed so I don't hurt them. I can't take it. I must be doing something wrong. Nothing keeps these kids happy... I mean nothing. They are 7 months and it's just non stop, all the time. I don't know what the hell else to do anymore I'm so mentally exhausted.

Message edited 8/22/2017 4:41:31 PM.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

It will get better. Do they have reflux issues? Do they sleep at night? Napping during the day? Do you bring them for long walks outside? Fresh air will do wonders for you all. Is there any one that can pop into help you out every once in a while? A friend, grandma, sister?

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

What the hell am I doing wrong?

this opinion is not a neg about you just an observation. you have posted before about feeling blue and frustrated. Perhaps they are sensing your frustration/stress/ tension in turn causing them to be unhappy/cranky.

Can you hires someone as a mommy helper so you can have some help and for your shower time, shopping. Just an extra set of hands might help

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Message edited 8/22/2017 5:09:06 PM.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

Are they still in the snap and go when you're out? Maybe the big stroller where they can see more would help. I would do what you can to get out daily. It really helped the day go by, helped my girls nap better, and seemed to keep us all sane. We window shopped and went to the library a lot. At least at the library they can get out of the stroller and you can socialize a bit with other moms. Most have infant programs or at least a little play area. The middle country library is amazing with tons of toys for infants on up.

Hopefully things will change quickly, nothing lasts very long when theyre so so little but the days can be very long. Once thru start walking, you can also try to get them in a mommy and me through EI. Talk to your coordinator but there are different programs you can take them to but they have to be walking.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

My DD was the same way.
She was a miserable, colic newborn who screamed 24/7 and slept in 20 minute stretches.

Her sleep improved around 6 months old but her crying and neediness and just generally being miserable did not.

Taking walks was a joke. She screamed bloody murder the whole time. It was summer and people had windows and doors open and would come out to see who was murdering a child. It stressed me and her out so bad that I would turn around and go home and never want to go on walks again.

Going to the supermarket was misery. Going to a restaurant was not even an option.

She hated the car. She hated everything.

The only thing that helped was time.
She did have reflux, so we tried meds and a formula change, but the meds didn't really help her crying and screaming.

She really just had to out grow it.

Hang in there, I know how tough it is.
It's pure misery and the main reason I am one and done.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

Hiring someone isn't an option financially at this point, I've thought of working less because they have EI and I am the one that deals with t all, not DH and I've already been on Zoloft for over a month...

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

I tend to agree I think you need more help. You sound burned out and I think the babies probably are sensing your frustration. I know you said financially you can't afford someone, what about getting a high school girl to come as mother's helper for even an hour or 2 during the week. Maybe try to cut something somewhere to save a few bucks and get a few hours a week with an extra pair of hands. Or what about going to drop in classes at your local library. Ours has a lot of mommy and me type programs. You could meet other mommies, the kids will be stimulated and it makes the day go by quicker. Also I agree may sit them facing out in the stroller and go for walks. Ask your dh for more help if can. I know moms tend to think we have to do it all but sometimes just going out alone or listening to music in the shower for 15 minutes can go a long way.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Message edited 8/22/2017 6:46:50 PM.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

What the hell am I doing wrong?

Have you discussed your son's behavior with their pediatrician? This does not sound normal. My dd cried frequently in the evening for a few days right before we saw blood in her stool for the first time--it turned out she had several food allergies and was in pain- I changed my diet (she was EBF) and the behavior resolved shortly after.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

You arent doing anything wrong!!
How are they in the car? When my kids gave me he!! I would just drive around for a few hours listening to music. They both usually pass out and I have some time to myself. I would even sit in my driveway with the car running and zone out on my phone. You gotta do what you gotta do! Hugs!

Message edited 8/22/2017 7:02:33 PM.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

I have a double umbrella stroller so they face out. One is in EI for PT the other is special instruction/ speech for his hearing. My one son is on perception elecare after a long battle of bloody stools and vomiting. He has a severe milk allergy and is finally doing well on this food. I haven't talked to their pediatrician. I am a behavior analyst and of coarse I don't know it all, and didn't think to discuss the behavior with the doctor, as I keep thinking it's me not being able to manage 2, having PPD and working full time. I barely get all my work hours in every week having to manage the kids and their schedules and schedule changes for therapies, and then a special needs dog on top of it. I always feel like I'm drowning. DH helps when he can when he gets home at night he's all hands on. He leaves at 5:15 and doesn't get home until 6pm. He isn't able to take off at this time as he's new to his union/ position. They are with me all the time. I work 3-7:30/8 2-3 days a week and 1-2 days 7-7pm depending on the week. If they aren't with me, they are with my mom, and then the days I work 3-8 I have a sitter for 2 hours those days until DH gets home and takes over.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

Sounds like my first DS. Cried all the time. Felt like I could never make him happy. I found being outside helped him a lot, walks, activities, outings etc. I know how hard is with two. Not twins but my boys are very close in age and some days I definitely have more melt downs than they do. Don't beat yourself up too much. Guilt and stress arent going to solve anything for anyone. And honestly, my kids are perfect examples that some babies are just easy and some are high need. My second is a piece of cake. Sounds like you might have two high need babies.

It really sounds like you could use some help. Do you have family or friends you can ask? Are you part of a church or social group? Id reach out to people and ask for some if you cant afford to pay anyone. Honestly, most people WANT to help and will step up to if you let them. It will get easier in time but everyone deserves a break and it really does take a village.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

I just read your response. Are you getting any alone time? We all NEED it. If not you should just make it happen. Even if you need to wait for your DH to get home. Get out the house and do something for yourself. Even if you just window shop for an hour. It will help.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

What the hell am I doing wrong?

First, hugs.

Kids often feed off of those around them, so I feel like it's incredibly important to work on getting yourself in a good place emotionally.

Apart from that, I also suggest getting outside as much as humanly possible. Sometimes it's hard for me to follow my own advice, but it's incredible what fresh air does for everyone. Have you tried wearing the fussier baby while pushing the calmer one? I'm not a huge fan of baby wearing, but it does make a difference for ds.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

I would see a therapist. Your comments above sound like you are at a breaking point.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

Is there family you can rely on to help you out and give you some free time? Whether it be daily, weekly or maybe even a short get away you sound like you need it. Also I would talk to family and friends about your feelings and ask for any help anyone can give you you seem really stressed out and as others have said at your breaking point and definitely in need of a support system.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

Sorry you're dealing with this. To some extent I understand, I didn't have twins but my oldest cried & seemed unhappy all the time & I always wondered what I was doing wrong, but it seems like that was / is his personality/ disposition. So it's very unlikely that it's anything you're doing. I don't really have any advice but hang in there.. things will only get better with time. You're doing great.

Re: What the hell am I doing wrong?

One of my kids gave me horror from the day she was born and still does on a daily basis. I can relate to your desperation when she was a baby. I spent a lot of time driving around in the car and sitting in my driveway while she slept in the car. She never sat for walks or let me hold her. When DH got home from work I would run out of the house to go for a walk or go browse a store (this saved my sanity on many occasion). I had no help whatsoever. Going to work was therapeutic as I would finally get an opportunity to have an uninterrupted cup of coffee and meal. I would too often put her in her crib to let her cry and walk away to regain my sanity. Her personality is very different from my other children and she has also been an more sensitive child.

You aren't doing anything wrong. I think your struggle is shared by many of us and it sounds like you are doing a great job. Try to find a moment here and there to yourself when DH is watching them if you can and do not feel an ounce of guilt when you do so. Hang in there, it does get better with time

What the hell am I doing wrong?

My son would literally be attached to my boob from the second I got home from work until bedtime (4-7:30). I feel you!! I had no help other than my DH and unfortunately, my DH couldn't BF - lol. It didn't help that my DS didn't consistently sttn until 2 years old.

If you're that overwhelmed, I'd look into getting a HS to come help a couple hours a week or asking family for help.

It will get better eventually, but it could take a while. For me, it got worse before it got better. My DS is now 3 and he is the best little boy - good listener, loving, etc.

Message edited 8/23/2017 6:24:19 AM.