| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 |
MrsBumbleb
it's me
Member since 5/05 11234 total posts
Name:
Christine
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
A bottle of something and make a little dessert or app
|
Posted 10/13/14 9:27 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
|
What to take to
I'd do dessert or wine. I don't feel comfortable going to someone's house empty handed.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 9:32 AM |
| |
|
Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by Bridex100
Posted by MorningCuppaCoffee
I would bring dessert or wine as a hostess gift because it's rude in my opinion to go to a party empty handed.
I think the $100 is however over the top and showy, even more so because they specifically asked for no gifts.
ETA: I also could get on board with the book for the child, but overall, DH and I get annoyed when family and friends lavish DS with tons of small toys and junk in general. I know they mean well and I'd never say anything, but I often end up throwing a lot of that crap out because it takes up space, is clutter and he doesn't play with it.
This is a good friend, which is why I would spend $100. Plus I feel 1st birthday is a special bday vs others. I normally spend ~$50 for birthday gifts of good friends.
I only spend $20 for classmate gifts.
eta: Not sure if it matters but we are Asian. Asians often give $ for 1st birthdays. For DS's 1st birthday, almost everyone gave us cash or gift cards. $100 is standard.
As an Asian family myself, I would say bring the lai see fong or typical red envelope. They can choose to go anything with the money, including donating it to a charity if they don't want it.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 11:10 AM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by Hofstra26
I can't go empty handed to a party, it just feels so weird. I don't even understand this new trend of "no gifts"........I find it strange to dictate to people that they can't bring a present.
.
I asked for no gifts for DD's b-day party last year because I was inviting some kids from her class and I know that the school accepts DSS vouchers for child care expenses. I don't know who does and doesn't use vouchers but I didn't want anyone to NOT let their child come to the party b/c they couldn't afford a gift.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 11:19 AM |
| |
|
Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
|
What to take to
I kind of have to say - I'd be annoyed if I had a simple request such as this and it went unheeded. I get that people "can't" seem to go empty-handed, but it isn't about what "you" feel comfortable with, it's about respecting the hosts wishes. I think that if I asked for "no gifts" and people brought gifts anyway, I'd be annoyed. Not ungrateful, but just kinda scratching my head like, why can't people just do something as simple as that? Again, I would appreciate and say thank you for any gift, but I'd be annoyed like why did I bother if people don't respect what I am asking because you never know the circumstances for their request.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 11:26 AM |
| |
|
ISpoilHim
I think I got this
Member since 11/10 1523 total posts
Name:
K
|
What to take to
I do no gift parties for DS. He is 3. We do a large party and invite everyone. For us, it is truly about celebrating our son. We just want everyone to come and have a good time. Also because our guest list is about 75 people, we don't want it to appear that we are inviting people simply for gifts. The people we invite we invite because we truly want them there. I was really taken aback the first time we did it and people arrived with gifts. Respect the wishes of the host and do not bring anything.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 11:29 AM |
| |
|
hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by Kitten1929
I kind of have to say - I'd be annoyed if I had a simple request such as this and it went unheeded. I get that people "can't" seem to go empty-handed, but it isn't about what "you" feel comfortable with, it's about respecting the hosts wishes. I think that if I asked for "no gifts" and people brought gifts anyway, I'd be annoyed. Not ungrateful, but just kinda scratching my head like, why can't people just do something as simple as that? Again, I would appreciate and say thank you for any gift, but I'd be annoyed like why did I bother if people don't respect what I am asking because you never know the circumstances for their request.
toally agree, its about respecting someones request, the need to bring makes it about what the guests needs and to not feel odd.
I know when I ask people not to bring and they do, it makes me feel as if my thoughts and feelings are not being considered.
Message edited 10/13/2014 11:52:49 AM.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 11:52 AM |
| |
|
Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by hmm
Posted by Kitten1929
I kind of have to say - I'd be annoyed if I had a simple request such as this and it went unheeded. I get that people "can't" seem to go empty-handed, but it isn't about what "you" feel comfortable with, it's about respecting the hosts wishes. I think that if I asked for "no gifts" and people brought gifts anyway, I'd be annoyed. Not ungrateful, but just kinda scratching my head like, why can't people just do something as simple as that? Again, I would appreciate and say thank you for any gift, but I'd be annoyed like why did I bother if people don't respect what I am asking because you never know the circumstances for their request.
toally agree, its about respecting someones request, the need to bring makes it about what the guests needs and to not feel odd.
I know when I ask people not to bring and they do, it makes me feel as if my thoughts and feelings are not being considered.
It's because we were all raised with the notion that proper etiquette is to never go to a party or someone's home without a little something. I've been invited to a few "no gift" parties and not even kidding, pretty much everyone brought a gift.
I think if you want to ask for "no gifts" that's fine but expect that there will always be some people who will NOT go empty handed. And it's not about disrepescting your feelings or your wishes in a mean way, it's just something that is SO ingrained in people from an early age and although it sounds easy enough to say "no gifts" it's not always easy to get people to comply.
And just as an aside, I'll be COMPLETELY 100% honest, while the whole point of bdays and Xmas is for the kids, DH, and I to celebrate and be with family and friends I do also remember the excitement of getting gifts as a child. It's a big thing!!
This is JMO, but as long as a child is appreciative and thankful for the gifts they receive I don't have a problem with them getting presents. Birthday gifts and Xmas morning...........ALL good memories in addition to the actual parties and celebrations with the people you love. 
|
| Posted 10/13/14 12:22 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by julybride0706
Posted by dimples
They wouldn't write that if they didn't mean it. I'd bring a card.
This!
For DS 6th birthday at Bounce U, i did the same. I explained to DS that birthdays are time to celebrate with people you love and creating memories and not just for presents. He understood. I sent out 2 reminders about not bringing gifts because i really meant NO GIFTS, just a birthday card. Someone still end up bringing 1. I have to admit, I was annoyed.
I already I will be annoyed if people bring gifts to DD's next birthday.  I really thought about doing a donation last year but didn't because I wanted her to have the full birthday party experience- and now she STILL has unwrapped toys she has yet to take out of the box. It's wasteful. My mom and MIL go nuts for her birthday and I don't want her to have this idea that she needs to have presents rained down on her every year. Birthdays are for having fun with friends and family. And my house really might burst if I need to find space for more stuff, which is another serious consideration.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 1:03 PM |
| |
|
MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by Kitten1929
I kind of have to say - I'd be annoyed if I had a simple request such as this and it went unheeded. I get that people "can't" seem to go empty-handed, but it isn't about what "you" feel comfortable with, it's about respecting the hosts wishes. I think that if I asked for "no gifts" and people brought gifts anyway, I'd be annoyed. Not ungrateful, but just kinda scratching my head like, why can't people just do something as simple as that? Again, I would appreciate and say thank you for any gift, but I'd be annoyed like why did I bother if people don't respect what I am asking because you never know the circumstances for their request.
That's why my happy medium would be to bring wine or dessert. They are edible so they don't take up space and who doesn't like them?!
|
| Posted 10/13/14 1:06 PM |
| |
|
Seawolf
LIF Adult
Member since 3/14 1336 total posts
Name:
Scrumba
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
IMO, donating to a charity for someones 1st bday is weird. I'd never go empty handed. If its a big party, I'd bring a small gift card for the child in a card; if its a smaller family style gtg, I'd bring a dessert.
If someone is "annoyed" about a gift card being given, they can always donate that gift card to a local charity, or sell it on eBay and donate the $$ to charity. I can't imagine being annoyed that someone gave my child a gift. Maybe if this was an adult party, but for your kid? Of course ppl are going to want to bring something.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 1:18 PM |
| |
|
MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by hmm
Posted by Kitten1929
I kind of have to say - I'd be annoyed if I had a simple request such as this and it went unheeded. I get that people "can't" seem to go empty-handed, but it isn't about what "you" feel comfortable with, it's about respecting the hosts wishes. I think that if I asked for "no gifts" and people brought gifts anyway, I'd be annoyed. Not ungrateful, but just kinda scratching my head like, why can't people just do something as simple as that? Again, I would appreciate and say thank you for any gift, but I'd be annoyed like why did I bother if people don't respect what I am asking because you never know the circumstances for their request.
toally agree, its about respecting someones request, the need to bring makes it about what the guests needs and to not feel odd.
I know when I ask people not to bring and they do, it makes me feel as if my thoughts and feelings are not being considered.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 1:34 PM |
| |
|
hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by hmm
Posted by Kitten1929
I kind of have to say - I'd be annoyed if I had a simple request such as this and it went unheeded. I get that people "can't" seem to go empty-handed, but it isn't about what "you" feel comfortable with, it's about respecting the hosts wishes. I think that if I asked for "no gifts" and people brought gifts anyway, I'd be annoyed. Not ungrateful, but just kinda scratching my head like, why can't people just do something as simple as that? Again, I would appreciate and say thank you for any gift, but I'd be annoyed like why did I bother if people don't respect what I am asking because you never know the circumstances for their request.
toally agree, its about respecting someones request, the need to bring makes it about what the guests needs and to not feel odd.
I know when I ask people not to bring and they do, it makes me feel as if my thoughts and feelings are not being considered.
It's because we were all raised with the notion that proper etiquette is to never go to a party or someone's home without a little something. I've been invited to a few "no gift" parties and not even kidding, pretty much everyone brought a gift.
I think if you want to ask for "no gifts" that's fine but expect that there will always be some people who will NOT go empty handed. And it's not about disrepescting your feelings or your wishes in a mean way, it's just something that is SO ingrained in people from an early age and although it sounds easy enough to say "no gifts" it's not always easy to get people to comply.
And just as an aside, I'll be COMPLETELY 100% honest, while the whole point of bdays and Xmas is for the kids, DH, and I to celebrate and be with family and friends I do also remember the excitement of getting gifts as a child. It's a big thing!!
This is JMO, but as long as a child is appreciative and thankful for the gifts they receive I don't have a problem with them getting presents. Birthday gifts and Xmas morning...........ALL good memories in addition to the actual parties and celebrations with the people you love.
I also agree with what you have said, yes, it has been ingrained in all of us me included, but that does not make it right. Just because we grew up that way, with that belief does make something right or the correct way of doing something. I have learned over the years, its much nicer to listen and hear what is being asked of me and following that persons lead.
Message edited 10/13/2014 2:40:36 PM.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 2:38 PM |
| |
|
Seawolf
LIF Adult
Member since 3/14 1336 total posts
Name:
Scrumba
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
If you host a party for yourself, or for your child, and a friend or family member wants to give you a token gift for your special day - regardless of what your invitation dictates - the ONLY appropriate response should be, "thank you."
|
| Posted 10/13/14 3:03 PM |
| |
|
EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by KittyShops
IMO, donating to a charity for someones 1st bday is weird. I'd never go empty handed. If its a big party, I'd bring a small gift card for the child in a card; if its a smaller family style gtg, I'd bring a dessert.
If someone is "annoyed" about a gift card being given, they can always donate that gift card to a local charity, or sell it on eBay and donate the $$ to charity. I can't imagine being annoyed that someone gave my child a gift. Maybe if this was an adult party, but for your kid? Of course ppl are going to want to bring something.
This! Especially for a child's party. For an adult party I have gone empty handed, but have only been invited to one bridal shower that really asked for no gifts. They had an engagement party, which I bought something very nice for and it was a destination wedding so knew I'd be spending a lot as well. Figured I'd take advantage of the "no gift" for that one. LOL
|
| Posted 10/13/14 3:09 PM |
| |
|
PumpkinGirl
:o)
Member since 10/08 1838 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by KittyShops
If you host a party for yourself, or for your child, and a friend or family member wants to give you a token gift for your special day - regardless of what your invitation dictates - the ONLY appropriate response should be, "thank you."
Agreed!
|
| Posted 10/13/14 3:14 PM |
| |
|
seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Saying your presence is the best gift is not the same as saying not to bring one, imo.
It's a party for a child. I would 100% bring a gift for the child.
I think they're just trying to make sure that they don't appear to be asking for a gift--and your presence may in fact be the best gift...but you can gift them with your presence and a toy for the child and I am sure they'll be nothing less than grateful.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 3:27 PM |
| |
|
Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by PumpkinGirl
Posted by KittyShops
If you host a party for yourself, or for your child, and a friend or family member wants to give you a token gift for your special day - regardless of what your invitation dictates - the ONLY appropriate response should be, "thank you."
Agreed!
|
| Posted 10/13/14 3:28 PM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by seaside
Saying your presence is the best gift is not the same as saying not to bring one, imo.
It's a party for a child. I would 100% bring a gift for the child.
I think they're just trying to make sure that they don't appear to be asking for a gift--and your presence may in fact be the best gift...but you can gift them with your presence and a toy for the child and I am sure they'll be nothing less than grateful.
I take it this way too.
Sometimes when having a party you don't want to make it seem like you are looking for a gift grab.
So his is how you alleviate that.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 3:33 PM |
| |
|
Strawberry2468
It's summatime
Member since 3/09 4739 total posts
Name:
Christine
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by KittyShops
If you host a party for yourself, or for your child, and a friend or family member wants to give you a token gift for your special day - regardless of what your invitation dictates - the ONLY appropriate response should be, "thank you."
I'd probably give a card with money and specify it's for the child's college fund. With the price of college, I don't know any parent who would balk at that. If you don't want to risk being ousted from the party for bringing a gift, bring a bottle of wine. I couldn't go empty handed.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 3:35 PM |
| |
|
Seawolf
LIF Adult
Member since 3/14 1336 total posts
Name:
Scrumba
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
I love wine.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 3:40 PM |
| |
|
MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by KittyShops
If you host a party for yourself, or for your child, and a friend or family member wants to give you a token gift for your special day - regardless of what your invitation dictates - the ONLY appropriate response should be, "thank you."
Of course I would say thank you.
But I would also be thinking why didnt they just respect my request.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 3:41 PM |
| |
|
Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by hmm
Posted by Kitten1929
I kind of have to say - I'd be annoyed if I had a simple request such as this and it went unheeded. I get that people "can't" seem to go empty-handed, but it isn't about what "you" feel comfortable with, it's about respecting the hosts wishes. I think that if I asked for "no gifts" and people brought gifts anyway, I'd be annoyed. Not ungrateful, but just kinda scratching my head like, why can't people just do something as simple as that? Again, I would appreciate and say thank you for any gift, but I'd be annoyed like why did I bother if people don't respect what I am asking because you never know the circumstances for their request.
toally agree, its about respecting someones request, the need to bring makes it about what the guests needs and to not feel odd.
I know when I ask people not to bring and they do, it makes me feel as if my thoughts and feelings are not being considered.
It's because we were all raised with the notion that proper etiquette is to never go to a party or someone's home without a little something. I've been invited to a few "no gift" parties and not even kidding, pretty much everyone brought a gift.
I think if you want to ask for "no gifts" that's fine but expect that there will always be some people who will NOT go empty handed. And it's not about disrepescting your feelings or your wishes in a mean way, it's just something that is SO ingrained in people from an early age and although it sounds easy enough to say "no gifts" it's not always easy to get people to comply.
And just as an aside, I'll be COMPLETELY 100% honest, while the whole point of bdays and Xmas is for the kids, DH, and I to celebrate and be with family and friends I do also remember the excitement of getting gifts as a child. It's a big thing!!
This is JMO, but as long as a child is appreciative and thankful for the gifts they receive I don't have a problem with them getting presents. Birthday gifts and Xmas morning...........ALL good memories in addition to the actual parties and celebrations with the people you love.
If I'm invited to a BBQ, hang out night - I bring wine, a dessert, etc.
If I'm invited somewhere and the host explicitly requests I do not bring anything, I follow their request. I oftentimes feel weird, but their request trumps me doing what I want.
My point is, Maybe they don't have room for more gifts, maybe they don't want anything else, maybe they have enough food, etc - I don't think that a guest should disrespect host just because they want to do what they want.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 4:00 PM |
| |
|
Strawberry2468
It's summatime
Member since 3/09 4739 total posts
Name:
Christine
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
Posted by MsSissy
Posted by KittyShops
If you host a party for yourself, or for your child, and a friend or family member wants to give you a token gift for your special day - regardless of what your invitation dictates - the ONLY appropriate response should be, "thank you."
Of course I would say thank you.
But I would also be thinking why didnt they just respect my request.
Probably b/c years of instilled social graces told them not to.  It's not that they are disrespecting your wishes and saying "screw her and her stupid no gift policy". From the beginning of time people would bring something to a gathering.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 4:24 PM |
| |
|
JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
|
Re: What to take to "your presence is the best gift" party?
I wouldn't bring a gift if I was specifically asked not to. I do think its fun for kids to get gifts so I don't really understand this request, though I would adhere to it.
I always thought specifying "no gifts" was against etiquette though - because you are basically saying you expect gifts, which should never be the case.
|
| Posted 10/13/14 7:19 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 |
