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When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

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Lanabean
Yoginis

Member since 11/05

9202 total posts

Name:
Lana

When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

I have a friend who I adore, don't get me wrong, but she and her DH rent, live in the city, and really live it up--when it concerns them. Everything else and for everyone else? Cheap. I get an email today that her DH is throwing her a surprise 30th birthday weekend--in VEGAS. I don't know why, but I'm slightly annoyed. I pay a mortgage, man. Maybe if the situation were different and I didn't feel they were cheapos, we might consider it. But for them, I don't think I want to suck it up. I sound so mean right now.

Posted 1/25/07 9:48 AM
 
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Crismicka
How did I get so lucky

Member since 5/05

3725 total posts

Name:

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

If you can't afford to go, tell them you already have a prior engagement. I have friends exactly like that --- actually a very similar situation happened last year. DH and I did not go to Vegas (ironic that it is the same destination) and later found out that only 1 other person went!Chat Icon I guess all of their friends felt the same way! SWEET JUSTICE!!!Chat Icon

Posted 1/25/07 9:51 AM
 

SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!

Member since 3/06

32345 total posts

Name:

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Chat Icon jeeez! do they actually expect everyone to run out and buy plane and hotel tickets? that's a bit extravagant.

Posted 1/25/07 9:53 AM
 

Lanabean
Yoginis

Member since 11/05

9202 total posts

Name:
Lana

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

I don't know if I want to say we can't afford it. I mean, yeah, we could go. I just can't do it, though. I can't spend a fortune on them when they stiff us so much.

Posted 1/25/07 9:53 AM
 

baghag
:P

Member since 5/05

10278 total posts

Name:

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

That's a little over the top for me. Chat Icon I wouldn't go.

Posted 1/25/07 9:54 AM
 

nov04libride
big brother <3

Member since 5/05

14672 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

I wouldn't go either! It's hard when people ask stuff like that..Yeah, we *have* the money, I just don't want to spend it doing that!

Posted 1/25/07 9:55 AM
 

alisonggg
Cutie

Member since 3/06

4749 total posts

Name:
a

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

I wouldn't go either, I would just say we had prior plans

Posted 1/25/07 9:56 AM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9511 total posts

Name:

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

i would never go. I was almost put in a similar situation for a joint bachelor/bachelorette. Basically the couple wanted their wedding party to finance a trip to vegas for them. Not only that but we would have had to take a day off from work. This friend is not cheap but really has no money and huge bills. I thought it was pretty ballsy to ask something like this of her friends when there is no way she would have been able to afford it. I refused. It never ended up happening because the wedding was called off but I would have never agreed to it. And as an FYI, this person although she is one of my closest friends, showed up to my bachelorette at about 1am when it was almost over.....

definitely skip it, and i would be honest and say it's just too expensive and too time consuming and you cant do it.

Message edited 1/25/2007 10:20:04 AM.

Posted 1/25/07 10:19 AM
 

Lanabean
Yoginis

Member since 11/05

9202 total posts

Name:
Lana

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Thanks, guys....it's just not my way to ever put people out. My bachelorette party consisted of manis and pedis with champagne and food (my sis hosted the drinks and food AND the limo to get us all there) and then dinner. I think people spend enough on weddings and showers, it's too much to ask, IMO. And then sometimes you alienate ppl who WANT to be there, because they can't swing it.

In this case, how about taking your wife to Vegas and not putting the rest of us on the spot?!

Posted 1/25/07 10:22 AM
 

Kate07
Feel better my little guy!

Member since 5/05

4476 total posts

Name:
Kate

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

I would just tell them you can't go. If she says why then I would just say "We have our priorities with spending and we can't go to Vegas just for a weekend. I'm sure you understand" and hopefully she will.

My cousin got married in Puerta Vallerta and I could not afford to go. I was 19 and in college. My feeling was, if they wanted everyone there - they would have had it closer to home.

Posted 1/25/07 10:58 AM
 

munchkinbugs
My little loves!

Member since 1/06

8093 total posts

Name:
Lisa

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

That's a lot to ask of people. Don't feel bad about it. What if you wanted to spend your money to go somewhere else this year, now you have to spend it for her birthday!??!!

Posted 1/25/07 11:03 AM
 

DaniJude
You're My Home <3

Member since 11/06

14815 total posts

Name:
Danielle

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Honestly, whether I could afford it or not I would not go on the principle alone.

If they are not the type to "go out of their way" or "go the extra mile" as a friend for you, WHY should you do that for them?? It's not fair.

So, I would not go.

I know so many people like this- I have NO patience for it.

Chat Icon

Message edited 1/25/2007 11:09:28 AM.

Posted 1/25/07 11:09 AM
 

Lanabean
Yoginis

Member since 11/05

9202 total posts

Name:
Lana

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Posted by babybug631

That's a lot to ask of people. Don't feel bad about it. What if you wanted to spend your money to go somewhere else this year, now you have to spend it for her birthday!??!!




this is an excellent point!

Posted 1/25/07 11:10 AM
 

DaniJude
You're My Home <3

Member since 11/06

14815 total posts

Name:
Danielle

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Posted by LRusso

Posted by babybug631

That's a lot to ask of people. Don't feel bad about it. What if you wanted to spend your money to go somewhere else this year, now you have to spend it for her birthday!??!!




this is an excellent point!



Yes it is. I would get a nice gift and sent your regrets.

Posted 1/25/07 11:12 AM
 

Elizabeth
Mom of Three

Member since 9/05

7900 total posts

Name:
"MOMMY!!!"

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Maybe they just think that if people can swing it, it will be fun to all go together. Yes, to celebrate his bday but lots of people get excited over going to Vegas so for many people it wouldn't be pulling teeth to get try to get anyone to come - if they can afford it or want to go. If you cant or don't want to, I dont see anything wrong with not going. It would be unreasonable for them to assume that everyone can make it due to time/work/money/etc. It sounds like fun to me but maybe that's because I'm feeling very "saddled with a couple of kids" lately Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 1/25/07 11:18 AM
 

Lanabean
Yoginis

Member since 11/05

9202 total posts

Name:
Lana

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Posted by Elizabeth

Maybe they just think that if people can swing it, it will be fun to all go together. Yes, to celebrate his bday but lots of people get excited over going to Vegas so for many people it wouldn't be pulling teeth to get try to get anyone to come - if they can afford it or want to go. If you cant or don't want to, I dont see anything wrong with not going. It would be unreasonable for them to assume that everyone can make it due to time/work/money/etc. It sounds like fun to me but maybe that's because I'm feeling very "saddled with a couple of kids" lately Chat Icon Chat Icon



I see your point; I'm sure I sound like a horrible friend. It's just that you would never get these 2 to spend money on you in this way, so that's where my issue comes in. I won't tell them anything or make a scene of it, but I had to vent here! They are classic moochers. I've showered her with gifts, sent money to charities she's running, etc.

Posted 1/25/07 11:23 AM
 

jennandrob
mom of two!

Member since 5/05

4368 total posts

Name:
Jenn

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

That's a lot to ask, and a bit nervy!!

I had a similar situation during my bachelorette party with my SIL. We had planned to go to to the Awesome 80's Prom, and the price per ticket, along with beforehand food and drink was about $75. She threw a fit saying it was too much money - BLAH BLAH BLAH, she ended up going for a little while then leaving.

Fast forward to plans for her Bachelorette Party, she wants to go to Vegas. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 1/25/07 11:38 AM
 

MsMBV
:P

Member since 5/05

28602 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Posted by LRusso

Posted by babybug631

That's a lot to ask of people. Don't feel bad about it. What if you wanted to spend your money to go somewhere else this year, now you have to spend it for her birthday!??!!




this is an excellent point!

I agree. I think it is pretty out there to even ask. And I think it is worse that it was in an email. Sorry but if I were asking people to travel like that for a birthday I would call on the phone personally.

Posted 1/25/07 11:41 AM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

I don't think you're a horrible friend for not going. You can't have hurt feelings for friends not going to your party if you're asking them to go away.

If it were me, I would say no that you can't do it right now without going into details. It could be a matter of having other plans, starting a new job, etc.

Posted 1/25/07 11:48 AM
 

dpli
Daylight savings :)

Member since 5/05

13973 total posts

Name:
D

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

People can call me cheap or whatever they want, but at this point in my life, my vacation time from work and travel budget are reserved for trips alone with DH. If it were a weekend in the Hamptons, or a driveable distance, I might do it, but a trip to Vegas is not something I would do for a friend's birthday. Whether or not I can afford it is irrelevant to me. Add to that the fact that your friend does not return the gesture to you or other friends would make it a definite no for me and I wouldn't feel guilty at all about it.

This is a sore spot for me, because I have some people in my life who love to try to guilt you into doing things they want to do, without thinking about how you might feel about it.

Posted 1/25/07 12:03 PM
 

saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!

Member since 5/05

16555 total posts

Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Posted by LRusso

I don't know if I want to say we can't afford it. I mean, yeah, we could go. I just can't do it, though. I can't spend a fortune on them when they stiff us so much.



i agree. we rent too, but we would never expect friends to fly to vegas for a b-day party. i don't think they realize that peopel have responsibilities and that flying to vegas at a moment's notice, is not a priority.

Posted 1/25/07 12:06 PM
 

BabyAvocado
Happy New Year

Member since 5/05

17334 total posts

Name:

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Posted by babybug631

That's a lot to ask of people. Don't feel bad about it. What if you wanted to spend your money to go somewhere else this year, now you have to spend it for her birthday!??!!




I totally agree. Especially for a birthday party.

Posted 1/25/07 12:09 PM
 

mtdr1106
junior supafly

Member since 3/06

2268 total posts

Name:
tricia

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

people are always going to live life different. i have decided a while ago - that i am living my life the way i can and not worry about how others spend their money. as long as my friends arent asking me for money than how they live and what they spend on it their business.

feel betterChat Icon

i would seriously spin this and suggest they go themselves. i dont know if i would say i didnt have the money either - i hate telling people that.

Message edited 1/25/2007 12:16:37 PM.

Posted 1/25/07 12:14 PM
 

Shelly
She's 7!!!

Member since 8/05

14624 total posts

Name:

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Just tell them you can't go. I'm sure they don't actually expect most people to come. They are probably just extending the invitation.

If the actually expect most people to come, then they are nuts.

Posted 1/25/07 12:22 PM
 

Elizabeth
Mom of Three

Member since 9/05

7900 total posts

Name:
"MOMMY!!!"

Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....

Posted by LRusso

Posted by Elizabeth

Maybe they just think that if people can swing it, it will be fun to all go together. Yes, to celebrate his bday but lots of people get excited over going to Vegas so for many people it wouldn't be pulling teeth to get try to get anyone to come - if they can afford it or want to go. If you cant or don't want to, I dont see anything wrong with not going. It would be unreasonable for them to assume that everyone can make it due to time/work/money/etc. It sounds like fun to me but maybe that's because I'm feeling very "saddled with a couple of kids" lately Chat Icon Chat Icon



I see your point; I'm sure I sound like a horrible friend. It's just that you would never get these 2 to spend money on you in this way, so that's where my issue comes in. I won't tell them anything or make a scene of it, but I had to vent here! They are classic moochers. I've showered her with gifts, sent money to charities she's running, etc.



I thought about this after I replied and I can see your POV. I don't think you sound like a horrible friend. They sound kind of annoying to be honest - one way friends. It would annoy me to go knowing if the situation were reversed, they'd never make the effort. That's sort of what it comes down to, right? Not the trip to Vegas, but that it's not a fair 2 way relationship, like alot of good friendships are. Where you basically know that you give what you get as far as willingness to extend ones self for the other. You don't want to go around keeping mental tabs on things but I think relationships need to be somewhat balanced to work properly. Based on that general fact, I probably wouldn't go.

Message edited 1/25/2007 2:04:18 PM.

Posted 1/25/07 2:03 PM
 
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