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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
I would only go if I knew they would do the same for me.
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Posted 1/25/07 2:05 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
AOMom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/06 856 total posts
Name:
j
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
I wouldn't say that you can't afford it if it is not the truth.
Personally, I would say thank you for thinking of you, but you're not going to go. Be honest- you and your husband don't want to spend that kind of money on someone's birthday. I'd probably say you'd love to celebrate with them over a local dinner.
It's an awful lot to expect of you, and I would find it strange if they were mad- disappointed maybe, but not mad.
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| Posted 1/25/07 2:44 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
Posted by Elizabeth
Posted by LRusso
Posted by Elizabeth
Maybe they just think that if people can swing it, it will be fun to all go together. Yes, to celebrate his bday but lots of people get excited over going to Vegas so for many people it wouldn't be pulling teeth to get try to get anyone to come - if they can afford it or want to go. If you cant or don't want to, I dont see anything wrong with not going. It would be unreasonable for them to assume that everyone can make it due to time/work/money/etc. It sounds like fun to me but maybe that's because I'm feeling very "saddled with a couple of kids" lately  
I see your point; I'm sure I sound like a horrible friend. It's just that you would never get these 2 to spend money on you in this way, so that's where my issue comes in. I won't tell them anything or make a scene of it, but I had to vent here! They are classic moochers. I've showered her with gifts, sent money to charities she's running, etc.
I thought about this after I replied and I can see your POV. I don't think you sound like a horrible friend. They sound kind of annoying to be honest - one way friends. It would annoy me to go knowing if the situation were reversed, they'd never make the effort. That's sort of what it comes down to, right? Not the trip to Vegas, but that it's not a fair 2 way relationship, like alot of good friendships are. Where you basically know that you give what you get as far as willingness to extend ones self for the other. You don't want to go around keeping mental tabs on things but I think relationships need to be somewhat balanced to work properly. Based on that general fact, I probably wouldn't go.
yep, you got it! She just left me a message at work, but I was away from the desk. I also found out it isn't a surprise like I thought, so she's probably calling to see if we are going.
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| Posted 1/25/07 2:47 PM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
I would go if I felt like going on a trip, if I didn't I would say no.
Sorry but I don't really understand what them being cheap has to do with it? It doesn't sound like there is any obligation and they aren't asking you to pay for them??
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| Posted 1/25/07 2:59 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
Posted by lullabella
I would go if I felt like going on a trip, if I didn't I would say no.
Sorry but I don't really understand what them being cheap has to do with it? It doesn't sound like there is any obligation and they aren't asking you to pay for them??
Cheap has to do with it because they are cheap friends. We cart them around, they never reciprocate. Dealing with money and/or gifts for occasions, too. They aren't asking me to pay for their hotel room, but going out for a birthday involves treating to some level. So, I'm going to pay for airfare, my hotel, then dinners for her? My point is, it's a lot to ask of someone. Would I have taken her to dinner here and bought her something? Sure. In this state. Not away. If they were giving friends, heck, we'd consider it. They aren't.
Message edited 1/25/2007 3:04:11 PM.
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| Posted 1/25/07 3:02 PM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
Posted by LRusso
Posted by lullabella
I would go if I felt like going on a trip, if I didn't I would say no.
Sorry but I don't really understand what them being cheap has to do with it? It doesn't sound like there is any obligation and they aren't asking you to pay for them??
Cheap has to do with it because they are cheap friends. We cart them around, they never reciprocate. Dealing with money and/or gifts for occasions, too. They aren't asking me to pay for their hotel room, but going out for a birthday involves treating to some level. So, I'm going to pay for airfare, my hotel, then dinners for her? My point is, it's a lot to ask of someone. Would I have taken her to dinner here and bought her something? Sure. In this state. Not away. If they were giving friends, heck, we'd consider it. They aren't.
I understand what your saying, I guess I was just looking at it from a different point of view. Going away with a bunch of friends is a blast if you can do it. Everyone has friends that aren't as generous as them.
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| Posted 1/25/07 3:24 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
Posted by lullabella
Posted by LRusso
Posted by lullabella
I would go if I felt like going on a trip, if I didn't I would say no.
Sorry but I don't really understand what them being cheap has to do with it? It doesn't sound like there is any obligation and they aren't asking you to pay for them??
Cheap has to do with it because they are cheap friends. We cart them around, they never reciprocate. Dealing with money and/or gifts for occasions, too. They aren't asking me to pay for their hotel room, but going out for a birthday involves treating to some level. So, I'm going to pay for airfare, my hotel, then dinners for her? My point is, it's a lot to ask of someone. Would I have taken her to dinner here and bought her something? Sure. In this state. Not away. If they were giving friends, heck, we'd consider it. They aren't.
I understand what your saying, I guess I was just looking at it from a different point of view. Going away with a bunch of friends is a blast if you can do it. Everyone has friends that aren't as generous as them.
totally! it can be fun....but these guys are takers and my pride just won't let me do it. By all means, I hope they go and have a great time. I just can't do it.
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| Posted 1/25/07 3:26 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
we would go if we wanted to go away anyway- not just b/c of some ones birthday
and I certainly wouldn't treat the birthday person for the WHOLE weekend- just for dinner one night
Jake just went to Miami for a bach party- they groom didn't expect everything to be paid for by his friends- I think it's alot to ask of people to fly, pay for a room- then treat you- I would NEVER do that
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| Posted 1/25/07 3:27 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
Posted by Beth1210
we would go if we wanted to go away anyway- not just b/c of some ones birthday
and I certainly wouldn't treat the birthday person for the WHOLE weekend- just for dinner one night
Jake just went to Miami for a bach party- they groom didn't expect everything to be paid for by his friends- I think it's alot to ask of people to fly, pay for a room- then treat you- I would NEVER do that
Dan has gone to bachelor bashes in New Orleans, Montreal, Vegas....for friends who would do the same....not cheapos who would never go to the hip for you! ha ha! 
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| Posted 1/25/07 3:29 PM |
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Bklyngrl
luvmyfamily
Member since 9/06 5307 total posts
Name:
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
i don't care for the destination bachelor or bachelorette parties. its alot to ask of people both financially and commitment-wise. We didn't have one and we both declined going to others that involved travelling. it sounds like maybe they thought it would just be something fun to do together??.
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| Posted 1/25/07 4:44 PM |
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sirk1020
*************
Member since 9/06 3046 total posts
Name:
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
If I didn't want to go because I felt it was too much considering they never reciprocate I would just say you couldn't make it.
I don't think she should get mad if you couldn't make it - My friend is going to Europe for her bday and extended the invitation to us all, if you can't make it - no big deal
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| Posted 1/25/07 6:15 PM |
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
I would probably not go. I would go to a destination party for a different type of friend but I would not feel obligated. If anyone has a party like this, they can't be upset if people don't make it.
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| Posted 1/26/07 1:49 AM |
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Annemarie13
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 628 total posts
Name:
Annemarie
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
I wouldnt go. You are not a horrible friend. I feel sometimes just expect everyone to drop everything for them sometimes and dont even think about the cost or ......
My DH's co-worker so getting married on an island and assumed his whole office was going. There are 10 people. That is just wrong.
First of all, i would only go away like that if it were a very good friend plus we have a small infant at home. And i rather spend the money on a family vacation.
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| Posted 1/26/07 1:53 AM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: When cheap friends ask expensive things of you....
She totally understood......she knew it was a lot to ask. 
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| Posted 1/26/07 11:56 AM |
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