When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

I know that it's just "my role" to take care of DS primarily, but I need a break. I am having trouble getting this thru to DH. He gets it sometimes, and helps and is great sometimes, but it's not consistent and he often falls thru with his intentions.

For example, he was going to be getting out of work early today and said "We'll spend the whole day together" I asked if I could treat myself to a pedi, he said yes.

SO, last night he says he is going to go to work at 8, and maybe get some O/T and he home by 10pm! WHAT THE F????

I know the OT would be good, as he has not had any in the past week and a half, but WHAT ABOUT ME?!?! He had nothing to say.

Then, (as you can see, it's almost 6:30) DS wakes about 5:50 b/c he's hungery. So who get up....me. I said to DH, "Will I ever get to stay in bed?" He said "Do you want me to get up and feed him?" I said no, b/c I would NOT hear the end of it, about how HE is tired, etc. Plus he is getting up soon to shower and get ready for work.

UGH!! Sorry for this long vent, but I NEED/WANT a BREAK!!!!!!!!!!


THank you...vent over....for now...

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

I could have pretty much written this word for word. I have been talking to DH a lot, and as someone on here said - you have to just ask because they dont always get it...

I know what you mean - DH works a lot of saturdays, and sometimes he'll tell me he's not working on a saturday only to tell me that he will be...

Also, on the wknds, we have his daughters, so he'll wake up Sat and Sun morning to go buy bagels for them - which is fine, but then that means I still am on "baby duty" - so I've asked him to take Cailen with him so I can have some time in the morning

DH wakes up between 3:30 and 4, and Cailen wakes up around 2. I do not ask him to feed Cailen at that time - he got so sick from not sleeping that I wound up moving us both into the living room (me and Cailen) so DH wouldnt be kept up. He is even more useless when he is sick (I even told him that I have been so overworked, I see him getting sick as a burden and I can't even feel badly for him - I not only have to take care of DS but my 2 stepdaughters as well..)

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

I am really sorry for you!! You are not alone. I go thru similiar situations in my house. It is not easy. Hang in there

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

I totally feel for you-this exact conversation goes on at my house on a weekly basis. You arent alone

Its so difficult being the primary caretaker 100% of the time-hang in there

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

I feel your pain!!!
Sometimes he is good, sometimes, I feel like I am doing everything by myself. Its not enough for you to ask "Is there anything you want me to do?" I just want him to get up and DO it!!

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

Mine actually said to me this week (we were talking about me going back to work) "Then I'd have to help with Christopher".

UHHHH, so you KNOW you don't help?

Your DH is NYPD, right? Mine is FDNY and I think b/c they work wacky hours they feel they are more entitled to sleep, etc when they are home . DH kept me up til 3:15am, then DS got me up at 6:30am and now I am on here drinking my coffee and folding laundry b/c DS drifted off again. But b/c DH has to work tonight he will sleep til 2pm

Message edited 7/19/2007 8:13:45 AM.

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

You are certainly not alone

I work full time outside the home and I am STILL the primary caregiver at home. On weekends occasionally DH will get up a little earlier to give the first bottle but anything during the week or middle of the night is all mine .

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

I think part of the problem is that men and women think differently. Women will do EVERYTHING, internalize it, tally up all that they are doing, and feel that DH owes them (trust me, I'm guilty of this, myself), and should just KNOW that they owe you, and pitch in without asking.

In an ideal world, that would be FANTASTIC - a hubby who doesn't have to be asked, who just pitches in 50/50 all the time. But, realistically, I'm starting to understand that men just DO NOT think this way. More often than not, they WILL help, willingly, probably a little begrudgingly, with some commentary, but they WILL help, as long as you ask. But, if you internalize it, and think in your mind, "he should be getting up instead of me", he has no idea that this is what's going on in your head and that you're building up all this resentment. And, a conversation once in a while, asking him to pitch in, generally, isn't as helpful as just saying to him at the moment, "go feed DS, I need a break".

DH and I have had this conversation many times, and for us, it's so much easier now that I feel more comfortable with just asking at the very moment that I feel I need a break, or he should pitch in. So, my point is, don't internalize it, don't tally up what you're doing in comparison to him everyday - just, as the moment you feel like you need a break, ask for help. And do NOT feel guilty asking just because he works. We all need a break sometimes and raising a child is hard on both parents, whether one works or not.

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

When you find out...let me know! I need a break. I had a few hours last week...but thats about it!

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

i think everyone has this, men just don't get it and this is why women get to carry the babies for 9 months bc we just can handle it and men can't do more then one thing without complaining!!!!!

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

Hi! Sorry about your DH.

This was happening to me a lot. My DH travels for his job and is sometimes gone for a week or more. And when he was home- it would be ME doing everything.

Finally- I had enough. I called everyone mom I knew and told them I needed a babysitter to come one day a week for 4 hours. I finally found this sweet older lady- a friend of a friend- excellent references, etc. I paid her $40 for the 4 hours and that was MY TIME!

We dont have a lot of money- but I used the money I get as an allowance to pay for her. Sometimes, I would go to the library and read. I would run all my household errands, meet a friend for lunch etc..... it was the best thing I ever did and it saved my marriage.

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

I absolutely know how you are feeling. I had a fight with my DH about the same issue last week. Once I communicated how I was feeling, he's been so much more helpful. I think part of it was the fact I left Bella with him all day and left to get a haircut/pedi/massage. He got a glimpse of how hard it was to be with her all day.You should talk to your DH. It is so important for us mommies to get a break. If not the frustration builds and that is not good for us or the babies. Good luck! I hope things get better!

Re: When do I get a breakl?!!? (semi-long DH Vent)

i think we women should marry women