when you had your 1st child- did your relationship w/ DH change?

for better or worse? i keep thinking about this... we have been married only about 3 years and together for 10 yrs +
we have a great marriage and do spend a lot of time together. i don't know if DH realizes however how much a little one will demand in time and patience. i worry that things will be insanely hectic and tense and that we'll never have time together or even sex again either!! LOL
so my question boils down to how did your relationship w/ DH change? in good ways and bad?
thanks so much for your experience and advice!

Re: when you had your 1st child- did your relationship w/ DH change?

it has only been 16 days for us since our dd was born but i have to say it has brought us way closer already, we have not fought over anything we used to.....

Re: when you had your 1st child- did your relationship w/ DH change?

Together 11 years, married 4.5 years when baby came. I had all the same fears, and honestly, it has been a huge rough patch. I expected it and got it. When I posted this concern while preggo, I got tons of positive stories. I knew mine would be different.

DH loves Josh so much, they have a great relationship....but DH misses me. DH loves the thjought of having more kids, but hates the thought of losing more of me.

DH tells me all the time that he is amazed daily at what a terrific mom I am. But, at the same time, I miss only being his wife. I have a new "boobman" in my life

DH tells me all the time that I am a fun girl and that he feels bad for me...I did not ski this winter, he bought a new mountain bike...I did not see the need for me to buy one now at this point. we use to enjoy going out to eat, coming home tipsy and having good times in bed
now we go out, I can't eat anythong on the menu, I don't drink...he walks in the house and starts Josh's bath while I feed him...30 minutes later baby is asleep. DH does not understand that I LOVE my life right now. Skiing will happen again, so will biking...but strolling my baby around is fun for me.

I did not have PPD, but I did throw a tantrum at 4 weeks PP. I mourned my old marriage. I realized that night it will never be the same. I don't want to say for better or worse...just different. We had a great thing as a couple. Best friends.

He worries that I don't eat enough, or that I am dehydrated. He worries that while I shade baby from sun, I forget to put sunscreen on me now.

He's a great dad and a very loving husband, but he does miss his best friend.

i rambled, sorry. I also hope I did not sound negative its change...it doesn't go smoothly for some

Re: when you had your 1st child- did your relationship w/ DH change?

I agree with the above poster. My marriage "changed". I used to only be concerned about DH, thats not the case anymore. I'm totally beat by 10pm, so going out is just worthless. There is no more sleeping late.

He misses "me". And sometimes so do I. We've had big fights, small fights, and he wasnt very helpful when DS was an infant. He didnt know how to handle colic, crying, no sleep etc... I harbor some resentment towards him for those first few months that I felt very alone. We are much better now that Ds is older, but we are still not and prob wont be like we were before DS came along. Not for us anyway. The statement "A baby changes everything" is so true! But every marriage is different. Good luck!

Message edited 5/14/2007 12:08:02 AM.

Re: when you had your 1st child- did your relationship w/ DH change?

I'm going out a limb her to say that No, it hasn't changed our marriage at all. Our marriage is based on our friendship and he truly is my BFF. Neither of us are into that romantic soulmate crapola, we just like each other as people, we accept each others weaknesses and strengths and we get on with life! Sure things have changed with the baby, but the one thing that has remained the constant is our relationship. We laugh together from the moment we wake up until the moment we go to sleep, and you know what. Sometimes we laugh in our sleep.

Noah has added a lot to our marriage in terms of laughter, he is possibly the funniest person I have ever met (next to his daddy) We had some rough times in the beginning, but nothing that time wouldn't sort out. He is a superstar my husband and not for one minute do I regret any of the choices that we have made together (except maybe when we bought the sportscar in 1999...)But on the whole, our family life is really wonderful. I adore my boys!!!

Re: when you had your 1st child- did your relationship w/ DH change?

honestly, i think my relationship changed for the better with my first.
I had the same fears as you did...i thought having a baby changes everything instantly(and it does!) but not in a crazy hectic way.

I was really surprised- after the initial shock of bringing baby home-how simple it was, and how having a baby wasnt as difficult as I thought it would be...
And not to get a mushy & gross, but I really fell in love w/my DH even more after I had my baby, because it's just amazing that now you have this new addition to your family-a little person you created *together* -for us it brought us closer together.
everytime your baby does something for the 1st time-its something you two as parents will truley appreciate.

I know a lot of friends tho who have DH's who felt a little jealous bc they werent getting all the attention anymore after the baby arrived, and they struggled with dividing attention between baby &DH, but thank God my DH isnt high maintenence like that!

edited to say-I should preface this by saying-after realizing that I would be the ONLY one to wake up for night feedings(i am a SAHM&my DH works a lot of hours) our relationship was great!
this is a major issue w/many new parents I know-new moms being dissapointed bc their DHs wouldnt share this chore w/them,so try to set your expected roles straight from the beginning!

Message edited 5/14/2007 8:01:29 AM.

Re: when you had your 1st child- did your relationship w/ DH change?

thank you for all of your responses- i really appreciate the honesty a lot and your responses are very helpful. i'm just going to try to take it as it comes and be very realistic!

Re: when you had your 1st child- did your relationship w/ DH change?

Well, my daughter is 11 months old, and I can safely say that it's been the best 11 months of our relationship (for the most part). I've really witnessed how committed my husband is to our relationship and our family. Of course things have changed, but I'd say about 99% for the better. We are more efficient at getting chores done, we definitely communicate better and we really enjoy our time together more.