Who do I talk to first? My Manager or HR? (Long)

Hi Ladies. I'm looking for a little advice. I'm 9 weeks pregnant with my first, and my DH and I have decided not to tell anyone until I'm 12 weeks.

But the nausea and exhaustion is starting to get to me. It takes me 2 hours to get ready in the morning, and I can't seem to get to work on time. I sat at my desk this morning with tears streaming down my face b/c I felt so horrible. And I was a ½ hour late and felt bad about that too.

I think I need to tell my manager to give him a heads-up. He's pretty flexible, but I don’t want him to think I’m taking advantage with the lateness and not having a good reason for it. We are super-busy right now, and I need to be at the top of my game, not slacking off.

But do I talk to my manager first, or should I go to HR and find out what kind of maternity leave I have and all that other stuff?

I feel so guilty discussing this with anyone before sharing the news with my family. My goal all along was to wait the 12 weeks, tell my family and close friends, and then tell work. I want to be able to suck it up and deal for another 3 weeks, but I don’t want my position at work to suffer in the meantime, especially with performance reviews coming up.

So do I fight back the nausea and the tears and speak to my manager? Or should I go to HR and tell them first? If I talk to HR, will they have to discuss it with my manager regardless if I decide to tell him as well?

Sorry for such a long post. I have a lot of thoughts spinning in my head right now, and I’m trying to do the right/best thing. Thanks!

Re: Who do I talk to first? My Manager or HR? (Long)

I told the head attorney I work for (equivalent to my manager) first, at about 8.5 weeks because I was feeling so sick and I thought it obvious (people were starting to guess!).

I waited until 13 weeks to tell HR.

I had no problems this way, and my manager seemed very happy I spoke with her first, and understood my not wanting to tell the rest of the firm until the end of my first trimester.

Re: Who do I talk to first? My Manager or HR? (Long)

i would tell your manager...then HR. I know my manager would not have appreciated knowing AFTER the fact...

Re: Who do I talk to first? My Manager or HR? (Long)

I think you should tell your manager first because you being late or not up on your game affects him more than anyone else. If you think he's an easy-going and reasonable guy, then I don't think you'd need to tell HR until you feel comfortable. However, if you think he might take your news badly then I would definitely tell HR as well.

Good luck.

Re: Who do I talk to first? My Manager or HR? (Long)

Thank you for your responses.

My gut was telling me to talk to my manager first. But I just wanted to make sure I did the right thing.

Now I just need to muster up the courage to say something to him!

Thanks again.

Re: Who do I talk to first? My Manager or HR? (Long)

I had a similiar situations at around 9 - 10 weeks. I told my director first, ten told HR.

Re: Who do I talk to first? My Manager or HR? (Long)

I would tell the manager first..I'm in HR. As long as you have notified your "employer" - which really means manager or HR, it doesn't make a difference (make sure to document - even if it's a quick email thanking your boss for understanding & explain that you will do whatever it takes to get the job done).

Also you should consider talking to your ob if you're that sick. Better to be proactive about this kind of thing. Getting help for MS & hypermenisis isn't about wimping out - there is no shame in it. It's about providing nutrients to that little bean that's growing. Take care of yourself.

Re: Who do I talk to first? My Manager or HR? (Long)

HR won't really be able to do anything for you - if you don't want them to discuss this with your Manager. I would suggest that you should tell your Manager yourself. There is really no need to tell HR until you are further along in your pregnancy unless you are having serious health isues.

I would talk your Manager and explain the situation. That way he knows why you may not be at 100% right now. It might actually enlighten him on the situation.

I would definately try to hold back the tears while talking your Manager and just explain that you are xx weeks pregnant and not feeling all that well. You intend on doing your very best but wanted to let him know the stituation.

I just wanted to add that you should ask your dr. about Zofran - it would really help you. Don't suffer - I did and didn't have to. Best of luck.

Message edited 1/20/2009 3:34:38 PM.

Re: Who do I talk to first? My Manager or HR? (Long)

Normally I would tell my boss first but he was out on vacation and I was curious about maternity benefits so I spoke to HR when my boss was out.

Plus I had a feeling HR already knew I was pregnant because I had gotten a flu shot in the office and the nurse asked straight up about my pregnancy because it was a box on the form I had to fill out. I was almost certain the HR girl heard.