Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

Ugh. The hardest adjustment of having a baby for me has been work. At 1st, it was tough to be home. I have a pretty intense job where I work a lot of long hours, and to go from being out of the house 11 hours a day, to being home 24/7 was an adjustment...a tough one at first.

Then, days became weeks, and before I knew it, the loneliness and isolation metled away, and I fell into the SAHM routine. As Jake got older, we went out - shopping, visiting, errands, lunch dates and tons of time with Grammy (my mom, my savior).

Now 12 weeks are about up, and it is time to return to the career I was so tied to, and now could really just leave behind forever. My son is here. I walk in the room and locks his face on mine. I speak and he looks for me. I hold him, and stares at me like, "thanks mommmy, I was waiting for you." I am #1 in his heart and mind, and I love it. At his very young age, he tells me everyday he loves me. How am I suppose to give this up?

I'm lucky too. He'll be with my mom 4 days a week and a SIL who is a SAHM the 5th day. Once summer comes, my DH will be home with him, and mom will still come by to check in on my boys.

Please tell me I'm not going to become #3 on his list. Please tell me that he will always recognize me as mommy, and I will be the 1st person he needs and wants even though I am not the person he is with the most anymore. Please tell me that I can learn to do my job in 8 hours and that I am not a bad mom for putting my baby to bed late so I can spend time with him. Please tell me he won't miss me as much I will miss him, and please tell me this is all a lot easier than I think.

Thanks.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

You will ALWAYS be number 1. Going back to work is the hardest thing I ever had to do when I had my DD and I LOVE my job. It gets easier and the look on your son's face when you walk in the door after work will be so amazing, believe me

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

You will always be number 1 to him, daycare will turn into something fun for everyone, and although he will form relationships with other people, they won't ever get that look of joy when they walk in a room that you will get!

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

It is hard to go back to work but it does get easier. Jacob is almost 2 and half and I went back work when he was close to 4 months. I still miss him terribly during the day and I think about him constantly.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I have been working since DD was 3 months old- full time- as a lawyer.

DD is now 3 and she definitely knows I'm her mommy. I nursed for the fist year when she was with the nanny. She always knew I was mommy, even with the nanny.

Now at 3, there is no question. When she sees me, she lights up, runs to me and screams "mommy". She is very attached to me and when she wakes up- come to me and wants to cuddle.

There is NO DOUBT she knows who her mom is.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I'm fortunate enough to have family watch DS while I'm at work. At first, I was nervous that DS would prefer them to me. But, almost two years later, he still is ecstatic to see me when I come to pick him up. What's even better is that he's also happy to be dropped off. That makes everyone's day a whole lot easier imho.

It'll be an emotional transition but it does get easier.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

Posted by MrsBSD

I'm fortunate enough to have family watch DS while I'm at work. At first, I was nervous that DS would prefer them to me. But, almost two years later, he still is ecstatic to see me when I come to pick him up. What's even better is that he's also happy to be dropped off. That makes everyone's day a whole lot easier imho.

It'll be an emotional transition but it does get easier.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

Wow - I can so relate to this - I vowed to post this every June 4th - but I'll attach a link now - this is how I felt, and what I learned on the 1st day of picking up Cailen from daycare...


Why June 4th is the 2nd important day to me

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

sent you an email

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

being a working mom is the hardest thing you will ever do. it is a million times more difficult to work full time, and then have to go home and be a full time wife, mother, housekeeper, shopper, etc.

with that being said, it's harder at the beginning but does get easier. every day i hate going to work and just want to be with my son, but i know i'm doing the best i can by providing for him and my family, and that's more important than me being home.

you'll get through it. we all do.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

Thanks everyone...your words help, and as always, it feels good to know I'm not alone!!

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I totally know how you feel. It hit me hard yesterday (I've already been back for almost 3 weeks). It does get easier but I do miss him!!

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I won't lie and say it's a breeze - it's insanely difficult at first, but if you work through it, find your routine and balance, you can make it work, and end up having a very successful and satisfying career, while also being an incredible mommy, wife and role model to your son.

I will say the first 3 months going back to work were hard. I had a rough time finding that balance, but with time, I settled into a routine that worked for me, and at this point I couldn't be happier.

Your son will ALWAYS know you are mommy and will always cry for you first, reach for you first and run to you first. Granted, he will start to form strong bonds with the other people in his life that watch him, but try to remember, this a BEAUTIFUL, healthy and good thing for him, to learn how to bond appropriately and trust other family adult members in his life. It will make him that much more well-adjusted and sociable.

As hard as it can be at times, I like to think that it's also, in a way, a gift to my child. A gift in allowing her to form bonds with other adults and children, and a gift in that she's learning by my example that you CAN have it all if you want to, the career and the family

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I have to go back to work soon and I am dreading it. It is nice to come on here and know that other people have gone through it and it really will be OK.

It's also wonderful that family will be with your DC.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

Ok so this totally had me .

You will ALWAYS be his #1! Don't ever think different. You'll run home a the end of the day and grab him out of whosever arms are holding him and squeeze and love him.

It does get easier, but it never gets easy. Tough days don't matter anymore, because at the end of them there that wonderful little guy who is ALWAYS happy to see you!

In the first few weeks, when I came to work, I would shut my office door and cry. I couldn't even look at his pictures. Now, I LOVE beign a working mom. I love that I'm successful in my career while being a great mom. I love that I have that balance in my life. My marriage is better for it and my baby is too.

You can do it! And when you think you can't, come on here and we'll remind you that you can!

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I work long hours too and I have a side job that takes up quite a bit of my time (and emotions). And, I have to say - I am definately NUMBER ONE in my son's life. Once I come home, nobody else can do fo him, he is all me.

It gets difficult, I am not going to lie. But you make it work.

Hang in there

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I've been back for 1 week and it's definitely tough. The first day was the hardest. I also work long hours and there will be days when I'll only see DS in the morning as I'm getting both of us ready. DS definitely knows who I am. He gives me a big smile when I pick him up and his face lights up when he hears my voice.

It won't be easy, but you'll be fine and you'll get through it.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

Yesterday was 1 year that I'm back at work. It's been a rough year, but every night when I come home DD's face lights up when she sees me. Now that she's bigger, she's been walking to the door when she hears me.

No matter what, you'll always be mommy. It's so hard, but over time it gets a little easier to bear.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

Kris - I'm reading all these responses and I'm feeling a little defective for having an "easy" time returning to work. Do I like the fact that DD spends her days without me?? Heck no, but I took lots and lots of comfort in the fact that she was with family when she was so small and vulnerable and unable to communicate her needs and wants with anything other than a cry.

I got to work that first day and there were so many people to say welcome back and to show pictures to, and there was soooo much to catch up on, and schedules to set and a new routine to develop, that before I got a chance to think about it the day was over and I got to leave and go pick up my little girl.

I was also fortunate that I was able to work P/T after my 12 weeks of FMLA were up, until DD was almost 14 months. The single hardest day for me in all that time was January 21, 2009. It was the very first Wednesday of DD's life that I didn't spend in its entirety with her. (she was born on a Tuesday, and Wednesday's were never part of my schedule until I went back F/T). It snuck up on me in a way I didn't predict, and didn't expect at all - BUT - I got through it, and so too will you - get through all of the days, and you will find that balance between being mommy and being Kris, and it will all work out in the end. I promise.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I can definitely relate. I stayed home with DD for 8 months and going back to work was SOOOO HARD! With my job I'm lucky because I get vacations and summers off, but it's not a consolation for not being able to be with her everyday. It took a while, but once we got into a routine and I was able to balance my home life with my work life, things did get easier.

I too felt that our babysitter would take the place of me in DD's heart, but she didn't. The best part of my day is having DD run to me and give me a big hug when I pick her up. Although she has had fun all day, I know that she does miss me.

Don't worry, everything will be ok!

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

It definately gets easier and don't think you'll be #3, Mommy is always #1 Hang in there...

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I CAN tell you that you will ALWAYS be number 1 in his heart. DD still looks to me for comfort more than anyone else. You are the one that comforts him more than anyone, you are the one that will spend the most QUALITY time with him, and you are the one who will ALWAYS be there for him.

I can't tell you that it gets easier, because it doesn't. I still struggle with it everyday. I wish I didn't buy this house so I could stay home. But I want to give my family a nice life too. So I am torn every day. Noone knows what you are going thru except other working mothers. Your DH won't even understand, because they have been programmed to work no matter what.

You always have us to talk and vent to. You will be a great mother!!!! As long as you do your best, that's all that matters to your little man.

Re: Working Moms - please tell me it's all going to be OK...

I know how you feel, I have to go back on monday and am dreading it! All the responses made me feel a little better though