Working moms...how does this work?

what happens when you introduce a new primary care giver for part of the day?

my son is I imagine used to my style...how I hold him..how I smell, feel, taste..the sound of my voice...everything.

my MIL will be watching him in our home, so his only major change will be POOF...no mommy for 10 hours of the day.

but also, her ways of caring for him differ from mine...not in a bad way, but she is just different. more inclined to try to shush him in his chair or crib while I pick him up as soon as he cries....she doesn't really do his leg exercises for gas with him like I do...and the real obvious one is...she doesn't have a boob to pop into his moutn when he wants it.

she told me today I should stop giving him my boob so much so he doesn't miss it while I am gone (though he does take the bottle like a champ when he's hungry, he seeks out the breast for comfort or when he needs an extra push to get him to sleep)

I go back in 13 days. I just want him to be happy and comfortable.

and I don't want him to wonder where I am...why am I not with him...or if I've abandoned him. he is still so little.

TIA.

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

My mom watches Dylan and it was an adjustment. We drop him off at her house so that was another adjustment. He wasn't napping in the beginning and I basically had to accept her way of doing things!! He's adjusted beautifully and is doing great with her. It's hard in the beginning but it will be fine

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

Babies are SUPER resilient....I was terrified the first time Gavin went to DC....would they soothe him with shushing like I do or cuddle super close so he's all snuggly?

Well, lo and behold, he was great...never cried when I left (until now!), adjusted wonderfully and the teachers were like 2nd 3rd and 4th moms....they would tell ME things that he liked sometimes!!!!

It's an incredibly hard balance this work and mom thing...but it is the hardest on the mommies....the babies need interaction with different people and getting them used to only one person was something I tried not to do. I always gave him to people and wanted him to see different faces, because there would be times when Mommy couldn't be there to soothe him.....I didn't want a mama's boy....but I think I got one anyway...

And no matter what....no one can replace mommy.....

As far as the boob, I have no advice....I myself didn't do it....

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

The way it works is...

you rip your heart out of your chest, throw it on the floor and do the cha cha all over it. That's what the first week or two feels like.

Your DS? He'll be fine. He'll adapt in no time and will be happy spending time with Grandma while you second guess every minute of your day.

The bfing may be the only adjustment, but there are a lot of moms who go back to work full time and continue to nurse (check with them for more info) so I don't agree that you have to stop now if you don't want to. As long as you know he'll take a bottle from someone else you really don't have to worry about that.

He will be soooo happy to see you when you get home!! Almost as happy as you are to see him, I'm sure. It's so much harder on us than it is on them.

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

Posted by curliegirl

Babies are SUPER resilient....I was terrified the first time Gavin went to DC....would they soothe him with shushing like I do or cuddle super close so he's all snuggly?

Well, lo and behold, he was great...never cried when I left (until now!), adjusted wonderfully and the teachers were like 2nd 3rd and 4th moms....they would tell ME things that he liked sometimes!!!!

It's an incredibly hard balance this work and mom thing...but it is the hardest on the mommies....the babies need interaction with different people and getting them used to only one person was something I tried not to do. I always gave him to people and wanted him to see different faces, because there would be times when Mommy couldn't be there to soothe him.....I didn't want a mama's boy....but I think I got one anyway...

And no matter what....no one can replace mommy.....

As far as the boob, I have no advice....I myself didn't do it....

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

Oh Jess! He'll be okay, I promise! They are much, MUCH more resilient and adaptable than we are. When my DS's started daycare, it took longer for me to adjust than it did them. The first few days are always the hardest, regardless of who is watching them. As for not BFing so often, that has to be your decision and yours alone. Only you know what is best for your DS. Even though she's your MIL, I would ask her to keep his routine similar to what you have established for him (picking him up, leg movements for gas, etc.).

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

Posted by eroxgirl

The way it works is...

you rip your heart out of your chest, throw it on the floor and do the cha cha all over it. That's what the first week or two feels like.

Your DS? He'll be fine. He'll adapt in no time and will be happy spending time with Grandma while you second guess every minute of your day.

The bfing may be the only adjustment, but there are a lot of moms who go back to work full time and continue to nurse (check with them for more info) so I don't agree that you have to stop now if you don't want to. As long as you know he'll take a bottle from someone else you really don't have to worry about that.

He will be soooo happy to see you when you get home!! Almost as happy as you are to see him, I'm sure. It's so much harder on us than it is on them.

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

It'll be tough at the beginning I'm not gonna lie, BUT, the thing that gave me the BIGGEST comfort was that DS was with family...my mom and my SIL, who cared for him like he was their own...they still do until this day even though they don't watch him anymore As far as picking the baby up, you have to have a sit down with your MIL and stress to her that little babies need to be picked up when they cry no ands and buts....as far as the nursing, try to get him used to nursing in the morning and in the evening when you come home...he'll be fine, he'll adjust well, my only concern would be that she picks him up.

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

Awwww... trust me when I say this - it is MUCH harder on you than on he. At his age, babies are so adaptable, it's just crazy! Expect a rough day or two but within just a few days he'll learn ot adapt to her style as well. And honestly, as much as it pained me sometimes to see my little Alex SO happy in someone else's arms, I have to say, it really is so beneficial for him to learn to adapt to different parenting or grandparenting styles, and learn to bond closely with other adults. It will serve him SO well down the road.

I wouldn't stop giving him the boob - comfort him when he needs it and wants it - your MIL will find an alternative way to comfort him whether or not you are still nursing him. Yael started school two days a week last week and had absolutely NO problem transitioning to the bottle, while still exclusively nursing at home.

Something the infant center at our school suggested I do is wear a shirt to bed for a week and then give it to them - they put it over their shoulders when they feed Yael with the bottle, which they claim makes the transition a little easier - you might want to try it when you go back!

Message edited 11/18/2009 2:01:46 PM.

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

It is so very hard and I was convinced with both my boys that they would think I left them. Its esp harder with my 2 year old who understands more now.

I think the key to making you and him feel better is to treasure the time in the morning and at night.

I do stickers sometimes at 6 am or sing to my baby at 6:30 am and the same when I come home tired after work all day

I always tell them "Mommy will be back"--the running out the door when they dont see u is worse--

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

I know how you feel Jess, DD and I had our routine and little things we did together throughout the day when i was on maternity leave and I was so worried she would miss those things.

Well my MIL watches her and they have their own little things they do and they just have a ball together. It's still going to be HARD to leave him, but for me it's easier knowing grandma (who loves DD to pieces) is there with her.

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

Message edited 11/18/2009 2:51:07 PM.

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

I thought the same thing....but it won't be MY arms, MY scent, MY voice...

But it worked out really well. I am very happy (so far) with his daycare and the ladies that take care of him are wonderful...he smiles when he sees them and smiles when he sees me too In fact he likes it there so much he cries when I put him in the car to go home

They adapt really well..as long as they are fed and content they do fine...it's the mommies that stress out

eta: I started my DS in daycare the week before I went back to work. For both of us to get used to it.

Message edited 11/18/2009 4:39:40 PM.

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

I introduced the bottle from the beginning & pumped to double my milk supply.

My daycare did a transition. We did a few hours a day, then a half day, then a full day.

Re: Working moms...how does this work?

i dont know but i go back in a week and half and as much as im looking forward to getting out of the house and getting back to "normal" i just know i'll miss him more than anything. im already having anxiety over how im going to function at work with 3-4 hours of sleep a night. my sister will be watching him and she looks almost exactly like me but i know he knows how i smell so i know he'll know that somethings up.