Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

It's really such a personal decision, mostly dependent on your own personality, your family and your child's temperment.

I've had the best of both worlds - I work full-time, but took a 6 month maternity leave with Yael. I LOVED my time off with Yael, but at the same time, I also feel like I've lost a part of myself. I adore my career and my job, and worked FOREVER to obtain my dream job (civil rights attorney), and truthfully, I miss it, and everything that comes with it, including my own salary, intellectually challenging work every day, interacting with adults, contributing to the "greater good" and having a part of my day and life that is entirely my own.

But, with that said, I also ADORE my children and have really gotten spoiled with these lovely leisurely days at home with Yael, with no commute, no rushing around, no pining to be with my baby all day.

We could manage our finances if I was a SAHM, but I've learned that it isn't what I want. The reason it works for me though, is I have an incredibly flexible job that's family oriented. I get off for doctor appointments, parent/teacher conferences, school trips, etc. I can also work an extra hour or two everyday so I can take a day off once a week, or every other week. And I can also work from home up to 2 days a week, which I take full advantage of, so in the end, I don't feel as if I'm sacrificing either part of my life.

But that's ME - that's MY personality, MY job, MY family dynamic. What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another - if you have the financial means to do whatever it is you WANT, then it's really just a question of searching deep inside of you and really figuring out what exactly it is you want, and what will help you be a happy mother, wife, and individual

Message edited 1/14/2010 3:38:29 PM.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Honestly, I don't think it's about the pros and cons - I think it's about what YOU personally can live with.

I never planned to be a SAHM - I left behind (for now) a career where I was making $$$ and went to school for years and years and years and was headed towards a goal I had worked my whole life for. I always took for granted that when my DS was 3 months I would get a nanny and go back to work - then I had him and my entire viewpoint changed.

I do find being a SAHM difficult and in, some senses, life would be much easier if I were working. We would also have tons more $$ as I was making at least as much as DH (although we don't really have to worry about money now - our lifestyle is very different than it would be).

That said - I KNOW I am doing the best thing for my child - I feel like I brought him into this world and feel I owe it to him to be here for him. And, I wouldn't give up this time for anything in the whole world - it goes by so fast. In a few years when my kids are all in school and activities full time I will go back to work but for now - I enjoy all the time I get - it goes by SO fast and I can never get it back - I have the rest of my life to work but, this time with my children will be gone so fast and I don't want to look back and regret missing a second of it. Finally, it's not in me to send my child to daycare or to leave him with a stranger and there are no other options.

So for me - this is the ONLY choice - pros and cons aside. But, I also feel like I am getting the best of both worlds - I worked and will work again in the future and, for now, I have this time to spend with my children.

HTH!

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Posted by MrsGmomof3

Oh boy.... this has the potential to get ugly.

Ok, I am a SAHM, and I love it. Honestly though, I always knew that once I had children I wanted to be home with them full time. Its something DH and I discussed long before we even got married. I have a masters degree, I had a career, but I knew that I was going to give it up once I had a baby. No regrets here whatsoever. We live frugally and enjoy a fairly "simple" life.

Asking for pros and cons, well, each person you ask is going to tell you a million reasons why they do what they do.

Its honestly a personal decision and you have to decide whats best for YOUR family, and YOUR situation.

I can only give you pros and cons to staying home. I cannot give you pros and cons for going back to work full or part time, because I am not in that situation, not to mention, something that is a "pro" for one person, may be a "con" for someone else KWIM?

Either way, YOU have to decide what is going to be best for YOU and YOUR family.
Good luck!

congrats on your baby!

Message edited 1/14/2010 4:15:53 PM.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

If you have a job you love and they are letting your work PT I would at least try it. Getting by isn't going to be fun if that's not what you are used to and when DS gets older you might enjoy the break.
I get to work PT, 6 days a month and I would actually love it if I didn't hate my job. Well my company more than the actual job I do.
My advice is to try. You can always decide to quit but you can't quit then decide to try.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

i always wanted to be a SAHM. Whne i had my twins i planned on working for 3 months to finish the year and never turning back. DHs job was at risk so i wrked 3 additional months. I then quit and was offerd pt time. i finished out the yr doing pt time. Now i work a differnt job pt time from home.

I LOVE being home and there is no con in my mind related to that. More money would be better. ofcourse. but to me there is no price i put on the time i get with my children that i will never get back. its not clear cut for everyone and i know a lot of ppl wish they could stay home and cant.

Its hard sometimes when there are some extras i have to forgo i have some very wealthy firends who stay home with help dont work at all and dont forgo anything. i wish that was me but its not and its ok. like nice things. who doesn't. but i can have some of them and its worth it to me and when i was leaving my job officially last month, all of these top execs told me being home is a decision i will never regret ( all of their wives stayed home). i know thats true.

i know some ppl who find the monotony mind numbing. but i do work, i have a great mommy network and i have twins so im certainly never bored!

good luck to you and whatever you do you can always switch. dont look at this like if you work then you can NEVER be home or if you are home and unhappy that you can never get another job.
Pt time sounds like a good deal. you can try it and you can always quit if you want. but you have nothing to loose by trying.

i will tell you child care is challenging. but manageable. GL!!!

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

I work 3 days in the office and 2 days from home. As work goes, I think it's an ideal situation, and for now we need the money. I like my job, and the money that comes with it, and I went to school forever (or it felt like it...I have a doctorate) for the job that I generally enjoy.

However, I would LOVE to be home w/ DS. It's the guilt, and feeling torn that is the hardest for me. DS has a stomach bug but I have to be in for an 8AM meeting tomorrow, so I will have to wake him up before 7 when he is sick to take him out in the cold so I can go to a stupid meeting. It puts everything in perspective. I know some would say it's just work, call in, but the fact that I have not called in since having DS is what allows them to give me flexibility--they know I am going to be at every meeting, and not missing lots of days b/c of DS.

Is it EASIER being at work? That really depends on your job. Some women on here say they can shop during lunch every day or go out to lunch w/ friends...I work P/T in addition to working F/T, so I spend most work lunches working, and when I am working from home I am also caring for DS. There is never down time.

I'd try the P/T and see how you feel.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

i really, truly love what i do for a living. it is a crucial part of who i am. when i'm not doing it, i feel like a part of me is missing.

so i work full-time and i have no regrets. my job makes me whole, and in doing that i feel it makes me a better mother.

i may not have the quantity of time with my children that others do... but each moment that i spend with my children is quality, with my full undivided attention. i'm pretty happy with the time we get together, and i think they are too.

having two incomes is great, for obvious reasons, but if i didn't like what i do i wouldn't think twice about stopping and losing the money.

i think being a sahm is wonderful if that's what you feel in your heart to do. if you do what is in your heart, you really can't go wrong.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

part time is a beautiful thing!! you still have your thing and some money coming in but you are also afforded the time with your DC. to me that is the best of both!
i have been a SAHM and a working mom. it's a personal choice. i like my job and have great hours so that works for me. i also have a good daycare situation and that is the utmost important thing.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

If you have the option of working p/t I would take it!!!!

I stayed home for 10 mo. with DS #1 and went back to work p/t. I never realized how good it felt to get out of the house and socialize with adults and feel like a person if that makes sense. After DS #2 I went back after only 3 weeks but one day a week to help out my boss. I am currently working 2 days a week and it is a great balance. I actually look forward to going to work those 2 days because it is my mental break and a quiet place for me.


ETA: If you are unsure I would definetely give the p/t a shot. You can always quit if it doesnt work out.

Message edited 1/14/2010 8:13:38 PM.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Before I had DD, I swore I would go back to work right away and never look back. I loved having a career and everything that it entailed. Things changed when she was born. I have been a working mom a part time WAHM and a SAHM.

Working mom:
I have always been very driven in my career, had gotten fairly far and was making great money. Giving up that sense of accomplishment was probably the hardest part of it for me. Giving up the extra income wasn't as difficult as I anticipated it to be. I also miss the adult interaction. I worked fairly long hours some nights and had a ton of responsibility. I hated only seeing her an hour or two a day.

WAHM - Part Time:
This was super hard for me. I went from full time in the office to part time at home. They outline a position and took stuff away but kept adding my old responsibilities back until I was working more hours from home then I was in the office. It also always felt like they were checking up on me and I constantly had to quantify my work to everyone. I would go into my office for monthly meetings and get comments about how everyone hated me and wanted my easy gig at home in my PJs.. If only it were like that.

SAHM:
This was super hard for me in the beginning. I have my good days and bad but I am not sure I am ready to go back to full time work either. The part that is most difficult is feeling inferior because I do not make money or have a career to draw my confidence from. This is truly a thankless job and although my DH is great at recognizing what I do, I think I need more concrete success in my life to feel fulfilled. I'm not a fan of domestic work, so being home is torture in that way. The house is always a mess and I am constantly cleaning. The isolations isn't bad anymore because we go to classes, have playdates and I make sure I get out of the house to do something with her at least three days a week. The other two are dedicated to running errands, laundry, cleaning ect. I decided to go back to school full time to help with the void not working left and it definitely is helping. I had a some credits left toward my bachelors degree.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

If I were you I would do part-time (and I'm a SAHM). I did 3 days a week with my first and it was a great balance. If you really love your career, I would stay involved with it. Part-time is a nice balance. If you don't like it you can always quit.

I'm home full-time now that I have 2 and I really do love it. But, I didn't have a career that I loved at at that point (2 in daycare even part-time) it didn't make sense financially.

ETA: One thing about part-time though, I was expected to do my entire job in the 3 days I was there at a reduced salary. I also felt like I was treated like a bit of an "outsider" in my department since I was the only part-timer.

Message edited 1/15/2010 7:45:28 AM.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Message edited 1/27/2010 1:04:34 PM.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

I work p/t (~20 hours a week, squeezed into 2 days, sometimes 3 days) and I feel its the best of both worlds! I am very happy.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

I have to work because I dont have a choice. We can not make it on 1 salary. If we could do it I would stay home. I would do anything to be able to stay home. You only get 1 chance to see them grow and that time can never be replaced. To me it would be a no brainer, I would stay home and go back to work once my child was in school.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Right now I'm a sahm and probably will for a while (if I do work I'm thinking of doing something out of the house).

I'll give the the pros:

-24/7 with baby
-you get to see every milestone (for the most part)
-As much as it is a lot of work, it is relaxing too (lounge around all day in pjs)
-you can go to parks, playdates, librabry
-when the baby starts school you can be really involved during the day

* I'm NOT saying that you can not do these things when you are working, they are just some things that I though of off of the top of my head

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Posted by julz33

I work p/t (~20 hours a week, squeezed into 2 days, sometimes 3 days) and I feel its the best of both worlds! I am very happy.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

For me, PT would be my ideal. I enjoy working, but also love spending time with DS.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

I'm a 1st time mom and HAD to return to work because I'm doing my 1-year clinical internship and not coming back wasn't a realistic option (I signed a binding agreement to work for the hospital for 1 full calendar year). I am miserable! I looked forward to my internship for the longest and found my career very fulfilling but now with a baby, I want it to be all about him. I miss him. I am out of the house 11 hours a day and more like 13 starting in March. Working from home is not an option bc I see patients in the hospital (but private practive at home one day is the goal).

Anyway, I always wanted to be a SAHM at least for my DC's first couple of years and I am doing the opposite I have made the decision to work part-time as soon as my contract here is up in September. For me, it seems like a good compromise between my DS and a career taht I've worked towards for over 6 years (and 100K in grad student loans). I was talking to my DH today and told him that I will not consider an alternative of working FT. There is no doubt in my mind as to what I want to do. And, if I cannot get a PT job bc i am not a licensed clinician yet, then so be it, I won't work.

I hate only seeing my DS for 2 hours per day and feeling like I'm missing everything. Try working PT and see if you like it. If not, you can always quit. Seems like you have a great opportunity to find what's best and you have options. I think being a SAHM is probably very difficult but well worth it in the end. Only you can decide what is best for you but it sounds like you'll have the chance to do just that. GL with your decision.

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

Re: Working or SAH Mom? Pros and Cons of Each

I have a great career with very, very good (free) benefits for the entire family.

However, I would jump at the chance to be a SAHM.

We can't afford it, so I won't, but I would love to be able to.