Working vs. Staying at Home

What did you choose? Why? What do you, personally think are the advantages and disadvatages?

I'll start:
I went back to work. I knew that in my industry, if I left, I wouldn't get back in so easily. I also like the $ and wanted to be able to save for a house and college education and vacations. the advantages are that I we don't worry about $, just bought a nice home, are saving $ for the future, and I like feeling productive. DS is now in daycare and gets a lot of activities/stimulation I personally might not give him at home.....THe negatives: I sometimes wish I could spend more time with DS. Scedules are hard! I am stressed all the time.

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my DH lost his job while i was on maternity leave...that is the biggest reason i went back to work.
i was set to give up my career and that derailed it.
thank goodness i did have it b.c it would have been a lot worse.
i don't like working at all but i do it for my family.
i have amazing hours, proximity,vacation time, and my sister watches my kids so as much as i hate it, i know how lucky i am and feel that i have the best of both worlds. not too much work-not too much time away and a career that is really family friendly.

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i'm back at work because we don't have achoice!

well, dh says we could be ok if I worked part time or I did a side business but I disagree. I do tend to be a worrier though and always looking out for "the rainy day."

both of us working definitely makes things more comfortable but I miss dd A LOT. I have been looking for work with more flexible hours or closer to home...

given the choice, I would have no problem staying home. at least until dd was in kindergarten.

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before dh and i got married the topic of children came up ......i told him that i couldn't see FOR ME, having children and not being able to be with them everyday and i couldn't see FOR ME, sending them to daycare with strangers (because our parents were not going to be/still aren't going to be retired any time soon so they were not an option for taking care of possible children)...i wanted my children to be able to tell me if anything happened to them and at 8wks old when i wouldve had to go back to work (after csection)that wouldve been impossible.....he agreed.....it is VERY financially hard for us every day and sometimes its even worse during certain times of the year when my husbands second job slows down so the pay isnt as good.....BUT we both knew this was going to happen and although you cant wholeheartedly prepare for this and sometimes i can literally puke doing the bills, this was the best thing i couldve done FOR ME AND MY FAMILY..... and i know this financial struggle wont be forever and once i do go back to work even part time our finances and what we will want to do bigger vacations, more renovations on our house etc etc will be possible.....i just keep saying that i made the best decision because these years with my kids (although financially, and sometimes physically and mentally draining as they may be) only happen now, meanwhile going back to work will come and will be for years until retirement

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I always wanted to return so i could ave it all- i am planning on returning after a 12 week lleave, but am not thrilled since ds was born. I wishmore thananythig i could stay home- strangers willbe watchng my child. I make great money and money shouldnt be somethig i worry about- and stikll live life like we had prior to ds being born. without my incomr we would lose our home. so no real options for us- i must work.

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Just can't afford to be a stay at home mom.

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For my son's first 4 years of like, i worked part-time and got free babysitting from my mom..that was IDEAL for me..LOVED IT..now that no. 2 came along, i can't afford to work as crazy as that sounds...but i work in the city and am out of the house for 12 hours a day..we did the numbers and it makes no sense for me to work.. so after 12 years of working at the same company, yesterday was my last day of work..it was bittersweet, but i am definitely looking forward to this new chapter of my like and spending more time with my kiddos.

Working vs. Staying at Home

I went back at 8 weeks. I love my job 90% of the time. Having my job helps me to be a better mom for my DS. I would not be happy at home all day long. We could get by on one salary but that would be mine so financially it made sense for me to always work. We are working towards DH being home more but DS also love his daycare an is learning more than we could ever teach him on his own. His daycare people really feel like an extended family now

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I gave up my career as a teacher to be a SAHM. I have never regretted my decision, I always knew from a young age that I wanted to be a SAHM so it was an easy decision. Both DH and I felt it was more important that I be home raising our children then for me to work. I also feel that a job (whatever job that may be) will always be there in some capacity but you don't get a second chance at being there for every moment of your son or daughters childhood. You don't get to redo their first steps, first words, or age 3. For me, I didn't want to miss a thing. It's been harder financially, of course, but I wouldn't change anything.

Other advantages...........I LOVE that my time is my own. I don't miss the rat race, the getting up at the crack of dawn, the commuting for over 3 hrs a day, the stress, the paperwork, the grind. I am much happier being home than I ever was working.

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there is no choice. we need two salaries. we could probably "get by" on 1 but not with any sort of a life that we'd like for our kids.

but --- daycare has been one of the best things we ever did for our son looking back. he loves his daycare and teachers and "friends" and has learned an enormous amount. its a win win for everyone but my emotions and guilt.

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I went back to work at 14weeks (that was all sick days, all maternity leave, all vacation days and 4 weeks of ‘bonding’ offered by my company). Didn’t lose a single tear drop over it. I can’t say I didn’t lose sleep because I didn’t have any to ‘lose’.

Why?
I am the breadwinner in the house
I am the benefits carrier
I am not built to be a SAHM, ever
I need adult interaction
I need the challenge of work and clients
She is fine in Daycare/School
She needs social interaction
She needed to learn other adults could care for her and mama would come back
She is challenged more by others than if I stayed home with her
She is exposed to more experiences at school
She has a better variety of foods and activities
She is much better prepared for grade school (skills and illnesses)
She is more independent able to do things on her own
She is more self-assure and seems to have confidence and self esteem
She is a good sharer and community contributor
I feel I am setting a good example for her
I am able to spend more time with her because I work
I am able to do more with her because I work
I am able to have more patience with her because I work
We both appreciate each other more because we are away all day
We can talk about our day and it is our bonding


ETA: Having a child was a choice. Losing my job is not a choice I’d take. I worked hard to be where I am. I have no college education so I scraped and clawed to get where I am, I can’t just put it aside. There really aren’t many second chances to those without an education. No way I’d give this up. I still have those first steps, words, milestones. I missed nothing. As proven by my 200 videos of all that AJ does! LOL

Message edited 8/21/2012 5:02:05 PM.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I work because I do not want to stress about the what-ifs. What if DH loses his job? What if we divorce? What if he passes away? Are we meeting our retirement goals? Can we afford college or private school? Can we enroll our girls in activities?

The pro is the comfort of knowing that either of our incomes can support our family (albeit with some major changes). The financial responsibility of running our household is not left to one person.

The con? Being away from my girls all day. The maternity leave that just ended was literally the best few months of my life. They were a handful at times but I can honestly say that I went 2.5 months without being stressed out. It was wonderful for my mental health.

I may still decide to SAH at some point but I would prefer to work hard now when my girls are little so that when they are school aged and really need my help and guidance, I will have the flexibility at work to adjust my schedule accordingly.

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I worked ft while family watched baby. They couldn't do it anymore, and I didn't want baby in daycare or w a nanny. I left my job and been home ever since. Family watching was ok bc I wasn't worried and I got to keep my entire paycheck. I was not going to pay such a huge amount of my income for daycare.

In the end, it was a blessing to spend all my time with both kids. I'm actually grateful that family didn't work out because I have no regrets and will always look back on this time w my babies. Before we had Baby #1, we saved $$ and had very low bills, just in case. So I was easily able to stay home.

Working vs. Staying at Home

I think in most cases it comes down to personality. some make the decision based on their heart, others with their head.
the ones that chose with their head will have heartaches at times.
the ones that chose with their heart hope that all works out and they don't regret not going with their head.
staying at home like i do is a gamble. my resume stopped in 2006. so did my contributions to social security. you better know who you are married to if you sah. thankfully, it is working for me currently.

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I SAH bc I lost when job was DD was almost 3 months (yes, right after I weNt back - awesome). I never ever pictured myself as a SAHM, but I do love being with my girl. I've been desperately searching for a job in my field, but to start over wouldn't outweigh daycare costs right now.

So I really didn't have a choice, and I def. get stir crazy sometimes, but it is what it is, and having to stay home and be able to do things with my almost 1 year old isn't so bad

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I lost my job shortly after DS was born. I never in a million years thought I would SAH, but for right now it works. My son is only 4 months old, daycare isn't for us, and my MIL still works (my parents are deceased) so family can't watch him.
We get by ok with just DH's salary. Now that it's the summer I am doing ok, but I feel like when it gets colder and we spend more days at home I will go stir crazy.
It sucks that if/when I do decide to go back I practically have to start over, but I wouldn't miss this time for any amount of $$$.

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Posted by Linda1003

Just can't afford to be a stay at home mom.

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Posted by GenLCSW

Posted by Linda1003

Just can't afford to be a stay at home mom.

same here

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Well I have tried it all. Everything has advantages and disadvantages.

I loved when I was able to go to any playdates whenever I wanted. The BEST thing besides spending time with my kids was the fact that I could make a doctor/dentist appointment for any day ever!

While working Ive had NUMEROUS times when my child was sick and I had nobody to watch them. If I was called at school that my child was on the sick side Id try to make an appointment for right after work and most places closed early (before PMpeds! woohoo) As a teacher once youre at work its extremely hard to leave. They dont call subs in the middle of the day. Ive been throwing up at work before and couldnt go home.

If I could do whatever I want Id work part time. Best of both worlds.

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I have read so much on this topic, as everyone on here has. I truly believe you need to follow your heart. You need to decide what is best for you. Which gives you bigger anxiety, the thought of working or staying at home? For me personally, I plan on staying home after I have my baby. I have already adjusted my financial life, so I know it can be done. There will be no more fancy vacations, which DH and I used to go on; no second car, which we used to have, and yea, I'll have to be frugal. I believe that financial planning has helped me make my decision. It's much harder to quit obviously after you've created a lifestyle dependent on two salaries. Trust your gut!!!!!

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I'm a SAHM as a decision that both my DH & I made prior to having our children. We both wanted our kids to grow up with me being there to care for them. It was the way we were both brought up. I personally could never put my child in daycare unless it was dire straits. We made sure that we were financially capable to handle the stress of running a house on one income & we are fortunate that DH makes a living that beyond supports us. Saying that, we bought our house 4 years prior to having kids too. I have never regretted my decision to be home. I see how much my DH misses out of our boys lives, all the firsts & Im lucky to have seen them.

I do plan to return to work when both my it's are in school full time but will not be returning to my original industry but will be looking for something part time in the education sector. This will allow me to be home when my kids are off & the summers. We do not have family to watch our kids nor do I want that burden on them.

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Since Feb, I work PT, at home as a project manager for a financial consulting firm.

Prior to this I worked full time in a typical office environment.

In between, I was a SAH mom to 2 and then 3 kids for about 5 months.

I'm a make it work kind of person so whatever scenario I find myself in I try really really hard to make the best of it.

Unless I lose my job again, I don't think I will be a full time SAHM again.

Unless DH loses his job, I don't think I will be a FTWM again.

I like my situation now. I make very good money for a PT position. I have 4 days with the kids (2 of them DH is with us too). My resume has no holes in. I could probably go full time if DH loses his job. I like my kid's daycare. When I pulled them out for the time I was a SAH I actually cried because I really love our daycare and I felt like I was pulling the rug out from under my kids. But, when I signed my youngest up for PT daycare, I cried because she had been home with me for months.

So-I have my reasons for doing what I do, but I understand why someone else chooses differently. It's all good, regardless of your choice it's not whether you are SAHM, WAHM, PTWM or FTWM that matters. It's what kind of mom you are that matters most.

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Message edited 8/21/2012 9:46:28 PM.