Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

After DS1 was born, I went back to work FT when he was 3m until he was 6m. My Ils watched DS which was ideal but we didnt feel it was fair to them. So we decided I would get something PT.

I was lucky to find a position that although I didnt love, it had great advantages. I worked 3 days a week but could work from home if need be. However due to cutbacks, my whole team was laid off.

So DS was now 16m old and I really intended on going back to work, but I just never found anything that made leaving worth it.

DS is now 4.5yo so I have been home over 3years and now have a second DS.

There are a great number of advantages to being home. My DS1 has asthma and I will never forget how horrible I felt the 1x he had a horrible episode and I was at work. I met my ILs at the drs office and he was just in such a bad state I felt like dirt for leaving him that day. I love knowing that I am the one to care for my kids when they are sick, I never have to feel guilty for leaving.
I love watching them experience everything. I love seeing their relationship as brothers grow each day (not all good of course ) I love each morning that we arent in a rush to go somewhere but can just plan our day together.
DS is also going to K in the fall and I am super excited to be home so I can be a class mom, and pick DS up each day, so his homework with him etc. And I am happy that I now get time to spend 1 on 1 wiht my younger son....

On the flip side, I miss the extra security of having a second salary. We are lucky that DH makes a good salary and we go on vacations, own a home etc, but it would be nice to be able to save more for teh future, etc.
Also since I had DS2 I feel like I never get a free minute. DS1 always wants to do what daddy is doing, and DS2 is a mommy's boy, so rarely do I get a minute free. And it woudl be nice to go to the bathroom ALONE, or sit at a table/desk with a bagel without being interrupted 10 times etc.

I always suggest to friends on the fence to go back for 3m. The anticipation of going back is often worse than the actual act.

GL!

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I wish there was an easy answer for this.

I would love to stay home with DS and even DH said it is possible.

I came back to work because i loved my job, money was great and thought Daycare would be good for DS. He started Daycare yesterday. I had to cut back my hours by 5 hours from 50 hours week. Now my boss is giving me a hard time after all the hard work i have given him over the years.
He is talking about a paycut and will "Let me know". If i get a paycut he is getting my notice!!!!

I would much rather be at home with my son than sitting at work getting no appreciation. My heart is not in it anymore so i think i will be looking for something part time that suits my family better rather that working a 45 hour week in the city.

Working vs. Staying at Home

It isn't at all possible for me to stay home. I am the main breadwinner in our household and I carry all of the insurance. Even if that wasn't the case, I think I would still work at least PT because I think it's better for me to get out of the house and feel productive and have adult interaction. I also think daycare is good for DS because he gets to be around kids his own age and he truly enjoys it. Some days it sucks and I miss him terribly but I know I'm doing what is best for both of us.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I knew from the start that I would go back to work- due to a combination of things

-we need my salary (that is the first and foremost thing)
-I am not cut out in any way, shape or form, to be a stay at home mom
-I love what I do
-I love the adult interaction
- I like getting dressed up and pretty every morning to go into the office
-I enjoy the alone time at work beleive it or not!
-I worked too hard for too long to just give it all up
-I wanted my daughter in a daycare environment for the socialization aspect- I am not one for play groups and mommy and me type things- SOOO not my thing- so I figured if she was home with me all day we'd be recluses
-I knew they could teach her more in a daycare setting than I ever could or would at home

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I had to go back to work, I had no choice. Bills and mortgage plus benefits (health, dental and optical) were free for my entire family. I was upset, I wanted to stay home with my babies.

Luckily DH got transferred and we're in a situation now where I don't have to work. I prefer this because my kids are little - and we don't pay a whole lot for health insurance - but it's not forever. I am taking my time figuring out what I want to DO with my life and then I'll go from there. I think if I had a career I loved I would have had a much easier time going back to work in the first place. I want to look forward to going to work every day.

I loved that DS was in daycare for the social aspect of it, and when DD was born they had a great nanny who did a ton of activities with them. It's harder for me to be as motivated to do all that stuff with them when I have a house to take care of, cooking, laundry, cleaning etc. on top of that and a DH who works crazy hours, but I love that I am always always there for them.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I went back to work cause I wanted to. Easy as that. DD is well taken care of by family members and my DH. I get home early enough to still spend time with her and really bond. If I'm able to provide that much more for my family without any issues or my child not being taken care of as if I were there, then why not.

Sure, there are times during the day that I wish I were home with DD, but that smile I get when I walk through the door is totally worth it.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

Posted by maymama

there is no choice. we need two salaries. we could probably "get by" on 1 but not with any sort of a life that we'd like for our kids.

but --- daycare has been one of the best things we ever did for our son looking back. he loves his daycare and teachers and "friends" and has learned an enormous amount. its a win win for everyone but my emotions and guilt.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I'm working because I have to.

I never thought I'd be a SAHM- but I also always thought I'd be doing something I loved. I "settled" for working for the family company when I couldn't afford grad school.

I hate my job and would much rather be giving my kids and house the attention they deserve.

Even though I bring the kids to work with me, it makes life very difficult. They are stuck inside all day with very little attention. They have my nieces to play with, but they fight more than anything.

So, work doesn't get 100%, my kids don't get 100%, housework is put on the back burner.

Sometimes I feel like they'd be better off in daycare (which I can't afford anyway)

It just sucks.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I'm expecting our first this october. I thought I'd be able to return to work PT so that I could get the best of both worlds but it doesn't seem feasible. Maybe for baby #2 when we will have two daycare tuitions.

I work three nights a week, but they are 12 hours shifts which is exhausting. So we will utilize part time daycare. I think we could make it with me going part time but since I'm the breadwinner and will be carrying the insurance it would be tough. With me continuing full time I can afford savings, retirement and the fun stuff. So this is what I will do.

Working vs. Staying at Home

I wish I could stay home after dd is born, but I have too much invested in my company. Great medical benefits, I have 7 weeks paid time off per year. An awesome 401k plan that my employer matches, life insurance that I buy through work that is dirt cheap. Long term disability insurance that is dirt cheap. A very flexible schedule. All these things are important to me. Dh makes good money at his job but benefits are horrible and very expensive and he hardly gets any paid time off. We need both salaries anyhow. My salary alone pays mortgage, electric and cable and I don't really wanna be living paycheck to paycheck or using credit cards to live just cause one of us wants to stay home. It's just not feasible for us...

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I went back to work after 8 weeks at home with both my DSs. I didn't want to take any unpaid leave and that is what I could take paid.

I could not be a SAHM, I give people who are a lot of credit. Too stressful.

My mom worked, so I think I am following that example.

I have a great support system in my in-laws who I can trust with my children and a great friend who watches them the other days.

I need adult conversation on a daily basis.

I have a job that allows flexible work arrangements, so that I can be there for my kids when they need me. I work from home many days and can set my own hours for the most part.

I believe I set a good example for my kids.

I worked hard to get where I am and I would hate to lose that spot.

I want financial security for my chlidren and having job provides that and much more for them.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I find it interesting that some women say their personalities aren't suited to be a stay at home mom. I think next to finances one's personality plays a key role in making this decision. I realized that I have the personality to love being a stay at home mom for the same reason that I chose the career that I did. I am a school counselor, so my days are spent literally helping kids. I think the skills that I bring to my professional could be utilized for my own children. For other women whose jobs are not like mothering at all they may legitimately need their profession to fill another part of their personality.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

Is there any way that you can work part time?

I am a SAHM (Although I do work every Sunday for about 11 hours; my DH is off on Sundays, so he stays with our son).
I always wanted to be a SAHM/housewife for as long as I can remember, & we are very fortunate that I am able to do it. I hope & pray that God will bless us with more children too.
I love being home with my son everyday; he is 21 months old. I love to cook for him & my husband, be able to play with him all day, clean the house when he naps, after I'm done cleaning, I can relax while he is napping, being able to do whatever I want everyday; call me old-fashioned, but I love it. We have a lot more time to spend together as a family & it's easier to get off for a vacation, only having to worry about my DH getting his days/week off. The advantages list can go on forever, for me. A disadvantage would be that at the moment, we are 1 car family & DH uses to car when he works. So there are days that I would LOVE to get out with DS, but it's just not an option. I also don't have a lot of friends, so it's not like people are banging down the door to hang out either. (I am a Queens girl that moved to Suffolk a few years ago.) I always hang out with my Mom on her days off, so that's a lot of fun. When she is working though, which is 2-3 days a week, we are usually stuck with no car. It can get a little lonely, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Good luck to you

Message edited 8/22/2012 2:38:43 PM.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

Working vs. Staying at Home

I took the first year, I work in education, was planning to take two years but unexpectedly learned I would lose my school due to seniority issues and since my school is 5 minutes from home and I have a license that is over saturated it would be nearly impossible to find a comparable school if I did not go back. I am so fortunate that I was able to take the year off, in a perfect world I would be able to stay home until DS was in Kindergarten but bc my job has such awesome benefits and a pension etc. I need to go back, more our future and security then the actual salary right now, we could live nicely on DH's.

It is a really tough choice for a mom. I need to do what is best for my son not only today but for his future and in this case it means me going back to work when he is one year old. I am lucky bc I am home at 3:30 and bc I am off summers, holidays etc. bc I work in education, but of course I would like more time with DS.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I wish I could be a SAHM but I can't. Luckily I am a teacher and can be home with them in the summer and breaks during the school year. Makes me sad that I can't be there for the first day of school though. I would almost give anything to be a SAHM.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I stay home. For me personally, I didn't want a stranger raising my child and didn't want to burden my parents with full time grandchild care. I can't think of any disadvantages. I loved my job, had an amazing teaching career with multiple masters, but to be home to raise DS is a no brainer.

Message edited 8/22/2012 8:20:50 PM.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I have the best of both worlds - I work from home - its hard but its better than the alternative which was me not working at all as I wanted to be a SAHM.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I'm a SAHM & NEVER EVER thought that would be the case. Before I met my husband I started my masters in teaching. Right after graduation I even got a leave replacement position. Then we decided to move to NC, got pregnant right before moving & never found a job here in NC that was enough to justify daycare for now 2 children.

It's been an up & down 4 1/2 years of falling into realling loving my role. I was torn with the feeling of contributing, my independence, my love for working, etc....but I'm lucky to be home & the major influence on their development, nutrition, etc.

My DD1 went to school last year & preK this year. DD2 will go next year. My oldest is VERY Independent, even practically potty trained herself before her 3rd b-day.

So I don't feel I deprive them of anything.

Every situation, marriage, finances is different. If you are able to balance your career & the needs of your kids/family, then job done. Sadly I see many families suffer in both situations.

Message edited 8/23/2012 12:14:17 AM.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I could never stay home. I give people a lot of credit who are sahm's because it's just not for me at all. I knew from the beginning I wanted to return to work. I love the balance it gives me and the adult interaction. Plus it's nice not to have to worry about money.

I'm currently the breadwinner and I have the benefits so it would be foolish to stay home. I also felt weird about staying home after putting myself through school. I almost felt like I would be throwing my education and degree out the window, Not to mention the money (especially when I still have school loans).

I also like not having to depend on anyone. I was never like that and pretty independent. It's nice to know that in the event of divorce or if my dh ever lost his job I would be ok financially on my own and could take care of myself. You just never know what can happen.

Working vs. Staying at Home

It really does completeley depend on your finances, personality, and to some extent what field you are in. Before DD i was the primary "breadwinner" but as DH was promoted and I cut back to a 4 day schedule we are pretty even now. We could afford to live on just his salary but would have to do without the "extras" and we would have to move to a neighborhood that was less affluent/did not have as good of a school district. So for me here are the pros and cons: Pros: extra income to do nice things for ourselves, family and DS, not dependant on DH esp if god forbid we ever divorced, keeps me current in my field (law), gives me a sense of balance bw mommy and "me", I have more patience when I am with DD since it is not 24/7 Cons: dont spend as much time with DD as I would like to; cant do play dates , programs whenever I want; with multiple caretakers I fear sometimes there is a lack of consistency in DD's care.

Message edited 8/22/2012 11:43:50 PM.

Re: Working vs. Staying at Home

I chose to go back to work. I like working. My husband works rotating shifts so we don't need full time child care and he's home with them most of the time. So our kids spend 50/50 with each parent. Then for the few hours they may go to the sitters here or there, they're getting socialization and playtime with other kids.

I think working gives us more of a balance. We work as a team. We both do the work and both kids get to spend time with both parents separately and together. Everyone is happy.

Plus the extra $ is good. Gives us freedom to go out to dinner when we want, put $ away for colleges, vacations, etc etc.