| Posted By |
Message |
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
So, we had a falling out with my SIL a few weeks ago and according to her, dh and I are “dead to her”….
I really don’t care as I do not have any love lost for her, she is an immature, passive aggressive brat. However, I am upset for Mikayla….she asks to talk to her“aunt” all the time. Whenever she asks, I will call the house (sil lives with my IL’s and her 1 year old son). They usually do not pick up the phone and mikayla will wind up leaving them a message. For example, yesterday, mikayla called and left a message. I told her to say hi to nana, pop pop, aunt K and Aidan (SIL’s son) and she did. I am doing my best to keep the kids out of this mess. BUT, SIL has not ONCE called to talk to miki, has not returned ONE of her phone calls, nothing!!! How do I handle this……I know mikayla wants to see her cousin…they love to play together and it is just killing me that this b!tch is preventing that from happening….I am at a loss
thanks for any insight or advice.....
Message edited 6/15/2009 9:26:43 AM.
|
Posted 6/15/09 9:25 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
She needs to grow the fluck up. I think you should get your MIL nvolved
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:27 AM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by DRMom
She needs to grow the fluck up. I think you should get your MIL nvolved
I just sent her an email 
and sil is the one who is always saying to "keep the kids out of it"
it's like, what the hell does she think I am trying to do....god, I am so sick of her BS....
Message edited 6/15/2009 9:30:45 AM.
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:27 AM |
| |
|
CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Can you just stop by for dinner or lunch on the weekend? If you did, would she let the kids hang out, or do you think she would take her kid and leave or cause a scene?
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:31 AM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by CrankyPants
Can you just stop by for dinner or lunch on the weekend? If you did, would she let the kids hang out, or do you think she would take her kid and leave or cause a scene?
I do not think she would cause a scene in front of the kids....I have no idea what she would so, she would probably go hide in her room but I really don't know
I told my MIL in the email that kevin, mikayla and I WILL be coming over to see them and if she wants to hide in her room, so be it
eta - if she DID take her son and leave, it would be obvious that she has no desire to do the right thing for the kids and no desire to see miki
that would be the last straw for me
Message edited 6/15/2009 9:33:48 AM.
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:32 AM |
| |
|
aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
My sister is like this. We had a falling out a while back. I still sent my nieces presents for their birthdays & christmas. I emailed my sister that she could drop the girls off at my house anytime she wanted, etc. No response.
When i had ds, i called the house to let my nieces know they had a cousin and that i wanted them to come meet him. I even emailed my sister about it. I also emailed her that i had my nieces birthday presents (her birthday was a few days after i had ds) if she could pick them up or let me know when she'd be home so i could drop them off. No response.
My sister and I are a lost cause. That's forever done. But i am so angry that she is doing this with the kids. I love my nieces. I want them to know their cousin. But she clearly wants no part of it. It's quite sad. I will never forget this. I cannot fathom how my sister doesn't even want to know her nephew. Maybe down the road... there might have been a chance to change things between us. But for this reason, i will never forgive her.
I understand she has issues with me and i have issues with her. But thats between her and me, not the kids. I wish it was different, i really do. The ones who are suffering are the kids and that's not fair to do.
Honestly i'd call your SIL and speak to her about this. Instead of going in circles or having others get involved, i'd just speak to her yourself!  If that doesn't work, have your MIL work on her.
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:35 AM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by aliwnec10
Honestly i'd call your SIL and speak to her about this. Instead of going in circles or having others get involved, i'd just speak to her yourself! If that doesn't work, have your MIL work on her.
she refuses to speak to me, she is really quite immature
Message edited 6/15/2009 9:37:29 AM.
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:37 AM |
| |
|
CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by Mikismom
Posted by CrankyPants
Can you just stop by for dinner or lunch on the weekend? If you did, would she let the kids hang out, or do you think she would take her kid and leave or cause a scene?
I do not think she would cause a scene in front of the kids....I have no idea what she would so, she would probably go hide in her room but I really don't know
I told my MIL in the email that kevin, mikayla and I WILL be coming over to see them and if she wants to hide in her room, so be it
eta - if she DID take her son and leave, it would be obvious that she has no desire to do the right thing for the kids and no desire to see miki
that would be the last straw for me
That's what I would do then-just go over, it's her move from there.
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:37 AM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Mikismom
Posted by CrankyPants
Can you just stop by for dinner or lunch on the weekend? If you did, would she let the kids hang out, or do you think she would take her kid and leave or cause a scene?
I do not think she would cause a scene in front of the kids....I have no idea what she would so, she would probably go hide in her room but I really don't know
I told my MIL in the email that kevin, mikayla and I WILL be coming over to see them and if she wants to hide in her room, so be it
eta - if she DID take her son and leave, it would be obvious that she has no desire to do the right thing for the kids and no desire to see miki
that would be the last straw for me
That's what I would do then-just go over, it's her move from there.
I think I will, thanks
this weekend is fathers day so we will probably go over on Sunday 
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:38 AM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
I am going to be honest. Tell miki her aunt's phone is broken and you will call when its fixed. Leaving messag is going to upset her with no callback. This happened in my family and my niece needed therapy she was so devastated. Trust me my family has done so much to each other its insane. I am sorry you are going thru this. It sucks all around!
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:42 AM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I am going to be honest. Tell miki her aunt's phone is broken and you will call when its fixed. Leaving messag is going to upset her with no callback. This happened in my family and my niece needed therapy she was so devastated. Trust me my family has done so much to each other its insane. I am sorry you are going thru this. It sucks all around!
yeah, I know how tough it is on kids, my dad's side of the family basically disowned my sister and I when my parents got divorced
that is why this is upsetting me so much...I wish SIL would grow the eff up !!!!! but she is who she is and she is not changing.....
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:45 AM |
| |
|
CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by Mikismom
Posted by aliwnec10
Honestly i'd call your SIL and speak to her about this. Instead of going in circles or having others get involved, i'd just speak to her yourself! If that doesn't work, have your MIL work on her.
she refuses to speak to me, she is really quite immature
After everything that went on (that you chose to share with the boards), I think you both may not have acted in the best way or handled things as maturely as you could have. Regardless of who was right or wrong, I think if you want to have a civil relationship with your SIL, you need to extend the olive branch and send her an email or call and let her know that although you are fine with the two of you have no relationship, you want the kids to have their "cousin" relationship and you plan on visiting on Father's Day weekend and that Mikayla is looking very forward to seeing her and Aiden. If she chooses to leave and not be there, you will know that you handled things the best way that you could.
|
| Posted 6/15/09 9:45 AM |
| |
|
LuvMy2Girls
@>---------
Member since 5/05 11165 total posts
Name:
Mommy
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
I've learned you can't force people to have relationships with your kids no matter what you do or involve.
Kids at Miki's age as well as mine do quite well with adapting and a simple explanation...your cousins love you and hopefully we'll see/talk to them soon..
Sorry
|
| Posted 6/15/09 10:19 AM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
I tried to extend the olive branch by emailing and calling...she is just being nasty, I am DONE
mikayla will have to live without her in her life, as sad as that is....hopefully one day she will understand that her aunt is a selfish person and it is not her fault
we plan to go over there this weekend...hopefully, she will let her son play with miki and keep her distance from me
I AM DONE trying, I have done all I can
|
| Posted 6/15/09 11:09 AM |
| |
|
Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by Mikismom
I tried to extend the olive branch by emailing and calling...she is just being nasty, I am DONE
mikayla will have to live without her in her life, as sad as that is....hopefully one day she will understand that her aunt is a selfish person and it is not her fault
we plan to go over there this weekend...hopefully, she will let her son play with miki and keep her distance from me
I AM DONE trying, I have done all I can
I am sorry you are going through this. I know how upsetting it is as the relationship with BIL is not great.
She seems EXTREMELY immature. Regardless of what you say or do I think at this point just let it go. Talk to you IL's and hopefully they can get through to SIL that if she doesnt want to have a relationship with you fine, but it's not fair to keep her son from her cousin. Maybe your IL's can make sure your nephew is there this weekend so they can play and tell SIL to get out of the house if she doesnt like it. 
|
| Posted 6/15/09 11:14 AM |
| |
|
Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by LuvMy2Girls
I've learned you can't force people to have relationships with your kids no matter what you do or involve.
ITA!!! My BIL, who is DS's godfather, really shows no interest or makes an attempt to see him, us or for his daughter who is only a few months younger to be close to his cousin. There are only so many times you can extend an invitation and be rejected. If they dont make you their priority, dont make them yours.
|
| Posted 6/15/09 11:15 AM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by jellybean1420
Posted by LuvMy2Girls
I've learned you can't force people to have relationships with your kids no matter what you do or involve.
ITA!!! My BIL, who is DS's godfather, really shows no interest or makes an attempt to see him, us or for his daughter who is only a few months younger to be close to his cousin. There are only so many times you can extend an invitation and be rejected. If they dont make you their priority, dont make them yours.
it's just so unfair to mikayla, who is the innocent one in this
the reason sil is mad is so freaking ridiculous, makes it even worse. I did all I can, I can walk away from her knowing that
we'll see how this weekend goes 
|
| Posted 6/15/09 11:19 AM |
| |
|
jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Is it possible to suggest to MIL, that your SIL to drop the kids off to play at MIL's house?
That way it will be neutral territory and you can stay and supervise the kids so as not to impose on MIL?
However, if SIL is not willing to try, then ITA with what lipsglossjunky73 said:
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I am going to be honest. Tell miki her aunt's phone is broken and you will call when its fixed. Leaving messag is going to upset her with no callback. This happened in my family and my niece needed therapy she was so devastated. Trust me my family has done so much to each other its insane. I am sorry you are going thru this. It sucks all around!
It will only make matters worse for Mikayla if she calls and she does not get a response back.
|
| Posted 6/15/09 11:42 AM |
| |
|
Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Do you think the rift between you and your DH and SIL will eventually get worked out or do you think it's a more permanent thing? Bc if it's not temporary fight, I have to wonder if it possible for your DD and her son to have an ongoing relationship? And some people, if they are on the outs with the adult, they are on the outs with any of their family including children who are innocent in the whole thing. I cannot imagine not wanting to see one of my nieces or nephews but I'm not in the situation. It definitely makes it harder that your DD wants to see them.
On a personal note, I hate when people never answer their phone. My SIL never answers the phone for anyone and then supposedly never checks the machine most the time anyway but it's fine by me, I am calling 99.9999999% of the time for my brother and I just call his cell or work instead. I just think it's obnoxious. In your case, who wouldn't answer when a toddler is calling?
|
| Posted 6/15/09 11:50 AM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by jambalady
Is it possible to suggest to MIL, that your SIL to drop the kids off to play at MIL's house?
That way it will be neutral territory and you can stay and supervise the kids so as not to impose on MIL?
However, if SIL is not willing to try, then ITA with what lipsglossjunky73 said:
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I am going to be honest. Tell miki her aunt's phone is broken and you will call when its fixed. Leaving messag is going to upset her with no callback. This happened in my family and my niece needed therapy she was so devastated. Trust me my family has done so much to each other its insane. I am sorry you are going thru this. It sucks all around!
It will only make matters worse for Mikayla if she calls and she does not get a response back.
my SIL lives with MIL
|
| Posted 6/15/09 12:20 PM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: WWYD - ongoing issue with SIL
Posted by Elizabeth
Do you think the rift between you and your DH and SIL will eventually get worked out or do you think it's a more permanent thing? Bc if it's not temporary fight, I have to wonder if it possible for your DD and her son to have an ongoing relationship? And some people, if they are on the outs with the adult, they are on the outs with any of their family including children who are innocent in the whole thing. I cannot imagine not wanting to see one of my nieces or nephews but I'm not in the situation. It definitely makes it harder that your DD wants to see them.
On a personal note, I hate when people never answer their phone. My SIL never answers the phone for anyone and then supposedly never checks the machine most the time anyway but it's fine by me, I am calling 99.9999999% of the time for my brother and I just call his cell or work instead. I just think it's obnoxious. In your case, who wouldn't answer when a toddler is calling?
to me, this is a permanent situation, I will never forget the way she has treated me in the past few weeks....
SHE is the one who kept insisting that we should leave the kids out of it, which of course I agree with, but apparently she was talking out of her *** as she has made NO effort to reach out to my dd, NONE...she is a disgrace
|
| Posted 6/15/09 12:22 PM |
| |
|
