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PattyCake
LIF Adult
Member since 2/07 1007 total posts
Name:
Hope
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WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
OK guys. I need feedback.
My BFF and I have (really expensive) tickets to a concert next week. I had a death in my family  but it's an extended family member whom I have not seen in several years.
I have one of those families that never seem to gather until someone passes away. It's usually a tearful reunion with promises of "we HAVE to stop seeing each other only when someone dies" blah blah blah. I love my family, and though the circumstances that bring it about are usually solemn, getting to see them is usually a good experience for me.
I was hoping there'd be an evening wake (like after 5:30pm) because it would be easier for me to pay respects and because I knew I could not (and frankly, would not) take off a day to attend the funeral.
So, it turns out, the wake is on the same day, and begins right before, the time the concert begins. This is a 1 night concert. The tickets can't be exchanged for another night, etc. So I'm not going to be able to make the wake.
Certain family members who know why I won't be attending are giving me sh!t. They say I'm choosing a concert over family.
Do you think the hard time they are giving me is justified? I was even trying to figure out a way to leave work a little early, get on the train to the Bronx, pay respects, and try to be back in the City in time, but part of the evening is me taking my BFF to dinner before the concert as part of her birthday gift.
I feel  and  at the same time. What would you do?
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Posted 9/25/09 4:06 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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PaddysGirl
Little princess is here!
Member since 4/07 5923 total posts
Name:
Crystal
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
The way you describe your relationship with this person as extended family and you hardly saw them, then I think you are making the right choice.
If I was in your situation I would make sure to send a mass card and a nice flower arrangement or some type of food to the family.
As for those memebers giving you grief, I would ignore them. Because if they are anything like my family and the shoe was on the other foot things would be very different.
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| Posted 9/25/09 4:10 PM |
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PattyCake
LIF Adult
Member since 2/07 1007 total posts
Name:
Hope
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Posted by PaddysGirl
The way you describe your relationship with this person as extended family and you hardly saw them, then I think you are making the right choice.
If I was in your situation I would make sure to send a mass card and a nice flower arrangement or some type of food to the family.
As for those memebers giving you grief, I would ignore them. Because if they are anything like my family and the shoe was on the other foot things would be very different.
Thank you.  I do plan to give a card along with a personal note, to the immediate family.
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| Posted 9/25/09 4:12 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Would you go to the wake if there was no concert?
If so, then maybe you can explain the situation to your BFF and forgo the dinner that night. At least put in an appearance at the wake, even if its only for 1/2 an hour. You should then have plenty of time to make the concert.
You can always make up the dinner with her, but you can't make up the wake
That way you've made everyone happy and won't hear any grief from the family
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| Posted 9/25/09 4:15 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Posted by Otherme
Would you go to the wake if there was no concert?
If so, then maybe you can explain the situation to your BFF and forgo the dinner that night. At least put in an appearance at the wake, even if its only for 1/2 an hour. You should then have plenty of time to make the concert.
You can always make up the dinner with her, but you can't make up the wake
That way you've made everyone happy and won't hear any grief from the family
I think this is the best option.
As this poster said, you can make up dinner to your BFF -- but you can't make up the wake.
Get there as early as possible--right when the wake starts--heck they will likely be there a good 30 min. before the wake officially starts and you could pay your respects and get back in time for the concert.
Thats probably what I would do, so as to not upset my family.
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| Posted 9/25/09 4:36 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but for me, wake trumps concert. I would ask my BFF to take someone else to the concert and take her to dinner another night for her birthday.
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| Posted 9/25/09 4:40 PM |
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annoyedTTCer
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 3272 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
If you haven't seen the family member in years and weren't very close to them go to the show.
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| Posted 9/25/09 5:04 PM |
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
If I wasn't that close to the person I would go to the concert.
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| Posted 9/25/09 7:23 PM |
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PictureFrame
LIF Infant
Member since 5/09 70 total posts
Name:
Lizzy
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Posted by Otherme
Would you go to the wake if there was no concert?
If so, then maybe you can explain the situation to your BFF and forgo the dinner that night. At least put in an appearance at the wake, even if its only for 1/2 an hour. You should then have plenty of time to make the concert.
You can always make up the dinner with her, but you can't make up the wake
That way you've made everyone happy and won't hear any grief from the family
i agree!
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| Posted 9/25/09 8:34 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
I think the wake trumps the concert.
Sorry.
Sometimes you just need to be there for the family members who were close to the deceased.
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| Posted 9/25/09 9:10 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Well, you may not have been close to the person, but other people in your family were, and I think it's important to be there to support those people. Send your friend to the concert with someone else and take her out to dinner another night.
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| Posted 9/25/09 9:15 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Message edited 11/29/2011 3:14:50 PM.
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| Posted 9/25/09 9:19 PM |
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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Posted by babybug631
I think the wake trumps the concert.
Sorry.
Sometimes you just need to be there for the family members who were close to the deceased.
I agree.
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| Posted 9/25/09 11:45 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
From the way you described your family, I'd pay my respects at some point. Most wakes don't have a 1 night only viewing. If that's not the case, opt for the 2nd night or during the day. If that is the case, I'd split the difference, skip dinner & head to the concert.
Any good friend would understand that a wake should trump a concert anyway. She should understand you'll skip dinner but go to the concert.
You're going for your family, not for the person you weren't close to.
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| Posted 9/26/09 7:42 AM |
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Posted by dpli
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but for me, wake trumps concert. I would ask my BFF to take someone else to the concert and take her to dinner another night for her birthday.
This is what I would do. I would feel way too guilty going to the concert.
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| Posted 9/26/09 11:30 AM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
It sounds like everything is happening at about the same time so you have to give on something - dinner, a couple of hours at work or the concert. I would try to find a way to get to the wake or the funeral - leave work early to go to the wake before the show, skip dinner with your friend, go in to work late and go to the funeral or some sort of combination so you can pay your respects and go to the concert.
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| Posted 9/26/09 11:51 AM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
The wake is to provide support to family members who have suffered a loss. It doesn't matter how well you know or often you've seen the deceased. I know my mother has always said it was an incredible comfort to her to see how many people came to "pay respects" when my grandfather passed.
Sorry- I feel that wake trumps concert. Can you leave work early to go to an earlier viewing?
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| Posted 9/26/09 11:58 AM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
I think the wake is more important than the concert. Sorry.
Over the summer, my mom's cousin died...he was a bad bad person and wasn't even invited to my wedding. But his parents are amazing people who are very good to our family. And even though it wasn't the most convenient thing to do, I made arrangements to go to the wake. Not for him - for his parents. They deserved at least that.
At minimum, I would skip dinner to go to the wake. If your friend can't understand that, then there's a problem!
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| Posted 9/26/09 1:29 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Posted by prncsslehcar
Well, you may not have been close to the person, but other people in your family were, and I think it's important to be there to support those people. Send your friend to the concert with someone else and take her out to dinner another night.
ITA...and this is what I would do, sorry
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| Posted 9/26/09 1:32 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Posted by Porrruss
The wake is to provide support to family members who have suffered a loss. It doesn't matter how well you know or often you've seen the deceased. I know my mother has always said it was an incredible comfort to her to see how many people came to "pay respects" when my grandfather passed.
Sorry- I feel that wake trumps concert. Can you leave work early to go to an earlier viewing?
I completely agree. In my mind, the wake and funeral are not really about the deceased, it is about the people who are left behind that need comforting. I would make sure to go to at least a portion of the wake. I would reschedule the dinner and just go to the concert and if you are a little late getting to the concert - I would hope your friend would understand.
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| Posted 9/26/09 2:11 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD: Deceased Extnded Family Member Funeral Same Day as Day Concert (sorry - a little long)
Posted by nyteacher13
Posted by babybug631
I think the wake trumps the concert.
Sorry.
Sometimes you just need to be there for the family members who were close to the deceased.
I agree.
I agree as well.
Message edited 9/26/2009 6:55:16 PM.
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| Posted 9/26/09 6:53 PM |
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