WWYD – moms birthday/ newborn 1 month old family drama

sorry its so long...

The day after ds was born my mom showed up unannounced at the hospital. I got called down to ICU for a consent, and when we came back after the procedure my parents said they were leaving, didn’t ask how the baby was then, and tried to guilt us to not do the proceedure which would help his speech/sleep apnea etc.... After that my mom didn’t call to check how I was or the baby(who’s NICU stay was extended twice(4 to 7 to 10 days) due to bad pneumonia, partial lung collapse & jaundice.

My mom didn’t call for 2 ½ weeks. I called my sister the day before mothers day and find out my mom felt jilted. That she was upset I didn’t invite her to see the baby( she didn’t ask, and I wasn’t thinking about it when ds just had his mouth numbed and Tylenol. Then she felt upset I didn’t invite her over to see the baby…. After talking to my sister I called my dad and told him how I was still feeling sore from the stitches, and baby was sick that I wasn’t calling anyone and people should call the patient ,to see how me & baby are not the other way around.
So mothers day my mom leaves a message. I call her and leave a message. A couple days later she calls and talks for a couple minutes. She doesn’t mention anything about what happened in the past. Asks in order how I am, how baby is. A week goes by, then Monday and Tuesday two short calls from her again- how am I, how is baby.

*** Now my mom is turning 60 on Friday, which happens to be Ds 1 month old. My uncle sent an email asking what we are doing to me, my sister & dad. I wrote back to all- what about brunch on Sunday for the 6 of us(mom,dad, me, sister, uncle aunt). My uncle now sends an email that just him & my aunt are taking my parents out “ for dinner Saturday and will spoil her at dinner”… So my idea has been rejected… then my aunt calls afternoon and leaves a message how they’re taking my parents out for her birthday and we will all get together soon – they want to see the baby… Whats the point of uncle asking me/sister what we are doing if he’s not going to include us?

So…1 what do I do for my moms birthday? 2.What would you do about family seeing the baby?
It feels my family has a conspiracy going on- and that since I wasn’t going to take the baby out for dinner they don’t want to include me in the dinner. The baby only goes outside for stroller walks and pediatrician for the first 8 weeks- so of course I’m not taking him to a public restaurant. Especially with the swine flu scare, and my husband points out- if my mom had actually called to see how we were instead of not calling since she couldn’t see the baby then she probably would have seen the baby already…. Plus there is concern over my mom seeing the baby as she watches my niece/nephew who get sick a lot & nieces kindergarden *did* have a confirmed swine flu case, and she was doing training to be a home health aid at a nursing home ETA- these thing might not be a big issue if the hygeine & handwashing was upkept…. The nurses said my baby is more prone to respiratory illness due to the swine flu. I want him to be healthy.

Message edited 5/20/2009 5:45:44 PM.

Re: WWYD – moms birthday/ newborn 1 month old family drama

#1 You call your mom and say you love her and you're sorry that the timing isnt working out so great. You ask if maybe you and her can go out to lunch (and you leave the baby with Hubby) say that he wants alone time with him. Also be HONEST you are super nervous about the swine flu, sickness, exposure, etc. ADMIT this is a new-mom phobia and you hope soon that she and he can grow close.

Suggestion ask what she wants to do with Kyle for Grandparents day Sept 13 (so he'll be five months old or close)

I think this is a growing pains thing. No one understands the Mom's Mind. Swine Flu is no joke and you HAVE to think of the baby first.

The rest of the family will just have to wait. Send your apologies.. update with tons of video and photos but let them know he's bubble boy until your 2 or 4month well visit.

There's always going to be something going around like flu or colds but he's so itty bitty that you have a right to hold off for now.

JMHO

Re: WWYD – moms birthday/ newborn 1 month old family drama

Ya know what I would just call your mom on it. Say, "Hey ma things are weird lately between us and it is bothering me" or something.

Re: WWYD – moms birthday/ newborn 1 month old family drama

i have been sending my dad updates, pictures, and video links... I have let my dad know how the swine flu is driving me crazy. I have told him how my parents should be extra cautious as my niece/newphew who my mom watch can spread it before showing symptoms and how they spit durring speaking sometimes....and he shares emails with my mom....in his emails back he understands it, but my mom doesnt get it...

if he gets sick in the first 2 months he'd go back to ICU again... he was in their the first 10 days of life. I was the one going durring the day to spend some feedings with him. I was going back with dh at night so he could catch some time with baby/ We felt like a visitor when the nurses would have to take him back.

At this point I dont think I could tollerate a one on one lunch. Im so drained from this all and cant pretend everything is ok- the family would have been a buffer. When the baby is mature none of my family will be allowed to watch ds on their own- I'll be there at all times... Now I feel like my aunt/uncle dont want to see me until the baby can come along - and they shouldnt be seeing me conditionally.

Re: WWYD – moms birthday/ newborn 1 month old family drama

2 months old seems like forever... but it's only a month from now.

I think you should call your mom and try to break the ice. It would be a shame to let your relationship deteriorate from a simple of lack of communication.

I also think you should plan to see her in a month. By then, any swine flu risks should have worked themselves out with the cousins... likely no one will be ill.

I think you felt a bit abandoned by your family at your time of need... and you really need to express that to them. Just brushing everything aside and avoiding the topic will only make things worse. To me, it sounds like your mom and you had a simple misunderstanding that just blew out of proportion...

Message edited 5/20/2009 6:37:17 PM.

Re: WWYD – moms birthday/ newborn 1 month old family drama

the funny thing is... dh reminded me...

issues happened with his extended family we dont see anymore and my mom kept saying we should "talk it out"... yet she's not following her own advice

Re: WWYD – moms birthday/ newborn 1 month old family drama

No advice, just